I've been struggling with this NC lately. Must be the Holidays. Anyway, it doesn't seem to hurt or upset me when I break NC, but I know it's delaying my healing.
I sent her a text today telling her that the Bengals vs steelers is on tonight. She's not a huge football fan but she does/did cheer for the Bengals with me. She immediately tried to call but I didn't pick up. I'm not playing any games, I just know that I probably can't handle actually talking to her on the phone. I don't even know how long it's been since I've heard her voice, probably a couple months.
I wish I could figure out what's going on in my head. I don't really want to talk to her because I don't want to hear about how great her life is going, but then I find ways to break NC.