jhamp

Sorry....havent been on for days!! Things have gotten worse around here. I was called the "c" word the other day, if you can believe that!!! All because I walked out of the room, when he was bullying me again. Never in my life, have I been called that, and well, its a hard thing to come back from. He called me that, and then showered me with gifts for Valentines Day. Counseling is doing NO good whatsoever. I need to leave, separate, but I will not do so without my kids. I have no relatives nearby to stay with. I work part-time, and for me to leave, with the kids, I would need to find quite a large place (apt. with at least 2 or 3 bdrms). That's costly. It would be easier for him to leave, but he won't. Ugh.....

Yes, he is a very affectionate person. But the hurt he has caused, has caused me to be very different and not affectionate.

No, he never denies them. He always apologizes days after, but he continues to say them. So...... its really an ongoing cycle.

Believe me, I HAVE told him numerous times over the course of this marriage how hurtful he is. I am not a person who lets people walk all over me. He just turned it around on me, and called me insane, or too overly sensitive. I am not a patient person, and I lose my patience with the kids alot. But instead of helping me, and diffusing things, he will yell at me for not being able to "handle things". I just can't seem to get past the hurt and move on. He says I am unforgiving, yet I feel I have forgiven alot just to get through the day. Alot of issues have been swept under the rug, and now that pile is very high. I honestly feel better when he is not around. When I am not being scrutinized. He says he is desperate to repair this marriage, but again, I have heard this before. We just do not get along.......

We have had problems all along, and I have always felt that we are simply just not right for each other. We got married very young, and I have grown a tremendous amount and changed. I am not the person I was twenty years ago, (or 24 if you count the dating time) and I can honestly say that I don't think I would marry him today. I know what love is, and love is not calling your spouse a failure. Love is not telling your children, whom your wife has cared for and loved for 15 years, that they have a bad mother. How can counseling work when I am numb? When I look at him and feel nothing? He goes into counseling and spends the entire hour telling the therapist what's wrong with me. He has very high standards, and honestly, he is hard to live up to.

Hello ~ it is nice to find this forum. I female, 44 and have been married for 20 years. My marriage has slowly broken down over the years and I am at a point where I feel the need to separate. My husband and I have grown apart, and because of things that have been said and done, I have felt distant and "numb" for a long time. We are currently in counseling which is really not going too well. We have two children 15 and 11. I feel that I have worked on this marriage for a long time, and I am finished trying. Whenever I would voice my concerns over things that have bothered me with our relationship, my husband would walk away, roll his eyes, call me "insane", tell me I need to be on medication, and would basically belittle my feelings, to avoid having to deal with anything. I have been called a "failure" in dealing with our adhd son, I have been called a bad mother (which anyone will tell you is not true), I have been called boring, have been told I have a fake smile, no sense of humor... the list goes on. These things have been very hurtful and I have had a hard time forgiving such behavior. My husband has spent our marriage telling me how I should feel, and takes it upon himself, to decide what is important to me. He has not taken our relationship seriously, and is more interested in becoming "father of the year", and touting how great he is. Parenting is a big contest to him, and he often undermines my authority and my decisions. Instead of supporting me, when times are bad, he yells at me telling me I "can't handle it" and "this is your job, you signed up for it" when he doesn't want to deal with our kids. He has trashed me as a person in front of the kids and told them that I am a bad mother, and that I am giving up on the family, and running away from my problems (because I mentioned separation). Getting our children involved in this, has been inexcusable. I have put up with this for a long time, I have grown distant, and depressed. I do not feel any love for this man, only hatred. As of late, there is someone else who has taken a great interest in me (male) and my husband is aware of it. NOW, all of a sudden, my husband claims he has had an "epiphany" and wants to work on our marriage and he is begging me not to leave him. Telling me he loves me, and he is now ready to give me what I deserve. Am I wrong to be insulted by this? Why didn't I deserve this before??? Its almost too little too late..... Any advice?