mrwoodwork

Yeah, thats all I've been doing. Let me ask you all this, she keeps changing her mind, her moods change drastically. One moment, we laugh giggle talk future plans, then its right now I don't think I'll ever be able to get over this and stay married to you. We've had some intimate moments (I held back from letting them get to intimate) and before and after those moments she says she loves me, misses me, begs me to swear that this was all nothing. Then a day or 2 later, back to the coldness.. Is this a good or bad sign? She doesn't want to get a divorce, she's says it all the time. But she doesn't think she could ever love me again.

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying and trying. I've told myself even though I sometimes say I can't do this anymore, I cannot give up cause even though I have to live with what I did, I have to do everything humanly possible to try and fix it. If I do everything I can, at least I can say I tried everything possible. I don't plan on admitting it, she's keeps telling me I'm lying though. So, maybe after I tell my therapist everything, maybe something will surface. And I feel the same way as you. Unfortunately, I got joy out of talking to another female, any kind of joy with another is ABSOLUTELY WRONG!! I look back and say how stupid of me for being so selfish. Good Luck yourself.

No I'm not blaming her and I don't know if I would of made those sexual comments or not. I made the choice to continue talking with this person without thinking of the consequences. My problem is, well I have a member in the band (married) who is VERY flirtatious with women face to face I mean says some repulsive things to women and they all giggle and laugh "Oh "NAME", hehehehe", I COULD NEVER say that kind of stuff face to face with anyone. So After talking to this person for a few months I felt comfortable enough to just throw some questionable flirtatious comments, for that giggle giggle and got little reaction from the ow. Cept for the one where she said I should of asked you back to my house. But I want to find out what triggered the need to keep engaging in this conversation, was it just boredom at work? Was it I needed someone else to share my day's activities with? Was it I was enjoying talking to someone who couldn't tell me any negative comments? I've always been a person that anyone could open up to and I'd try and help them, I helped her in her marriage a few times, and I felt good about it. I hoping therapy can help me understand this. I just wish my wife would go with or to someone by herself, cause we won't survive if she just keeps this all bottled up.

She just keeps saying, why don't you just admit to me that you had feelings for her. And all I say is then I'm lying to both of us then. I told her maybe during cousneling something will come out and I told her I'll tell her. Maybe in some way I did have stronger than friends feelings for her. But I just don't feel it or remember it. I've promised to find out why I had to seek out the need for talking to another women so often. I have theories, self esteem, positive reinforment that I don't get at home all the time, which can be worked on. But I love my wife so much, and I cry all the time not cause of what could happen but what I did, I take it with me every second of the day. This past Sat. was our anniversary when we started dating, we had forgetten the date a few weeks ago (when we were both positive) so I had on surprising, I sent her 11 pink, and 11 red roses along with a card that said: "It’s been eleven years today since we first kissed and decided to take the first step in our long journey together. That moment I’ve never forgotten and relive every time we kiss, although the act is the same, the love and passion behind each one has only increased. I’ve made many mistakes in my life, far from perfect is true, but that moment eleven years ago was the most magical moment of my life, it has transcended any individual moments of my life before or after, for that was the moment that god answered my prayer and gave me a miracle that will be the strongest thing in my heart forever. " She said what I did meant nothing, she felt like I was trying to win back her love. I was always romantic like that, in the past no so much recently. But it hurt when she doesn't feel anything.

Yes, I tell her on a daily basis. (She found out about a month and a half)We've had good talks, I wrote a 20 page letter about that relationship and other things. That seemed to help for a day or 2 then she says she thinks about it and it eats her alive again. And she says as of right now if a decision had to be made we'd get divorced. BUT she says hopefully time will change her feelings. We sent this girl an email stating that I was sorry for stating the flirt stuff and that our relationship was inappropiate for married people. And that helped for a few days. We've had a few sexual moments drivin by her, we've done friend things with the family had some laughs, but then it all goes back.. I know I have issues, one being self esteem and undesirable. But it all come back to her not believing me about my feelings towards her.

Ok I'll try and make this brief but I'm confused about my own feelings and not sure if this is possible. I've been married for 10 years to the most beautiful women in the world with 2 kids. I had a 4-5 months online relationship with another female, whom is married. This relationship was 99% of the time pen pal type, how was the weekend, how was your night, what you gonna do this weekend, I built my own home and she would ask me house project questions, we shared issues with our marriages if they came up. I enjoyed chatting with her cause it broke up the time of my hectic day. I'm in a band, and she was a fan of the band, but I never knew her. I've seen her in person twice for a total of 5 mins and it was nothing, awkward actually cause I really didn't know this person. She is ok looking not really attracted too her, BUT after a few months of this chatting, I decided to push the flirt envelope. Making up a dream about how she and her husband came to my work, and I ended it with "I wish I could say we had sex but we didn't". Then there were other times when she said she was coming to a show with her husband and I said well me and you should get lost, and she said what about my husband I respond ahh we'll just hook them 2 up, ha ha.. After a show she said she wished she would of asked me back to her place, and I said why what would of happened? All just in joking to me to get a reaction. NOW, unfortnately my wife found some of my those emails, including our normal chit chat ones. So obviously things aren't good. My dilema is this: My wife wants me to admit I had feelings for this person. AND I can't say I did, I never would of had sex with her, I never would of gone back to her house, really when I left work I never thought of her. The only time and "sexual" thoughts came to mind was when I was typing my 4 or 5 "flirting" emails. I just enjoyed chatting with her online only. NOW I know this is unappropiate behavior and I was totally wrong, and I hate myself for this. But I'm trying to be honest with myself and wife, but I can't admit having more than friends feelings for her, while my wife knows that I must have.. Can it be possible for me to have hidden these feelings? Or did I have these feelings, but just don't know it? Our marriage is just about over cause of this, I'm going to a therapy, in a few days and my wife refuses cause she has so many feelings she doesn't know what it will do (which too me is why she should go) but please help!!