mike4241

Yeah, the whole awkwardness thing in person is what needs to be fixed first off. But i dunno, only time i see her is lunch, and she usually goes smoking. Ive been asking her to stay for once, and she did today, but spent all lunch talking to someone else. I wasn't directly next to her so it wasnt that easy to start conversation, but yeah, i didnt get anything done. Maybe i need to talk to her online about it all, so she knows what i think and how i want this awkwardness to go away, and then take it to real life?

lately, some new stuff has happened, and im trying to figure out what it means. She was sick for a few days last week, and during those days we probably talked the most we have for a while, she was telling me everything and i was trying to make her feel better, it was nice. So then she gets better and starts going out, mostly smoking weed. She smoked it alot with people, drinks too, and lately started cigarettes which ive been trying to get her to stop. So yesterday, she tells me shes gonna do X again. She apparently did it once a long time ago, and she has another chance so why not. After i show a bit of dissaproval, we pretty much stop talking. Then she sets up this whole thing i dont understand at all. She talks to this guy, about how great drugs are and all, how shes even gonna buy him some. Then shes like, this convo is great, do you want to see it? no you dont. So of course i say i do, and she sends it. Just her talking about drugs and her fun experiences, and how i was "freaking out". She meant to send me it from the start, i asked her why, and she woudlnt say it. Eventually she told me she wanted me to be "at her level of drugs", so that she could talk to me about it? I dont get what she meant by this, she doesnt mean she wants me to do stuff with her, she'd never ask that. Does she want to get closer to me? Is my dissaproval keeping us from being more than friends? I dont get what she meant. So then i just told her that i can't just be ok with harder stuff than pot, since there's not denying its harm. I am literally her only friend who's against it, so i just told her i really dont wan't her to do it, but i wouldnt get mad at her or anything. We then didnt talk for like 30 minutes. So we literalyl stay up most of the night after that, which neither of us really do. Around 2, she finally ims me asking if im still up. So we talk a bit, then she finally goes to bed, but she was more sincere then usual. I just dont get that whole thing, and what it means?

My best friend is a girl ive known for a few years (we're both 16). We were acquaintances for the first year of highschool, then became friends online over the summer before 10th, and since then have been really good friends, often referring to each other as best for the last few months. I started to like her towards the beginning of last summer, but she only saw me as a friend. Honestly, it hasn't gone away, and im very sure she knows it hasn't, but nothing in our friendship has changed, its still as good as ever. It's an amazing friendship online. We talk for hours about absolutely anything. She tells me everything going on in her life, whatever problems shes having, how her day was, and im always interested and there to listen, and the same the other way around. We're so open with each other and all, anything, even sexual stuff we're both comfortable talking about. So a few things i want to ask for advice about. First off, even though our friendship has been this great, she has never said anything. Like you know how you tell people you love them or something, she has never said anything to reaffirm what kind of friend i am, and honestly that has me a bit confused, especially with suff being awkward in real life (ill get to that next). I really want to know what kind of friend i am, but all shes told me is im a friend, so i dont really know how important i am to her and all. Second and most importantly, our friendship is this great online, but in preson, we talk a bit, but that's it. Its nowhere near like it is online. We both agreed its because we became friends online, and that's just naturally where our friendship is best. But i guess neither of us has ever done anything to fix it. I've kinda been waiting for her to do it, shes probably been waiting for me. Like we have little meaningless ocnversations in the hallways of school or lunch, but that's it. We've done some stuff together like go buy food or go to her house in the summer, but it was still kinda awkward. We have this comfort online, that isnt really translated into real life, and i really really want to fix it. But im not even sure how. Also, my parents are kinda weird, so i really cant go anywhere with her (i cant drive, no car, and neither can she). Besides, they wont let me go anywhere if a friend of mine is driving. Finally, yes im still in love with her, especially after the last few days where we've talked so much. Im pretty sure she still sees me as a friend, but i dunno, i want more. Ill have to be content with whatever i get, but like the first thing i said, i still dont know what she really thinks of me, and i would really like to know, she just doesnt seem to want to tell me. Thats about it, thanks for reading.

I have a very close friend, my best, who started smoking a few months ago (age 16). The backround is, she did it for like 2 years on and off, was too embarrassed to even tell me about it. She then convinced herself to quit, and was really actively against it, so she could convince herself she didnt want it. Then, earlier this year, she became friends with another girl who was in a similar situation, really good friends. So sometime in November, they started up again. She gave up being against it, just told herself she enjoyed it and that's all that mattered, basically gave in to the temptation. Now there's absolutely no limit to how much she smokes. I dunno 1/2 pack to pack a day probably. Tried talking to her about it, although i will admit it was'nt in person but online, and after a while, she just said "im not going to bend to your will", if i want to smoke i will. There have been moments where i seemed to get through to her a bit. Shes in complete denial, saying she wont smoke forever and will quit whenever she wants to, but obvious that wont be anytime soon. I have a grandfather who smoked for 20 years, wanted to quit for 15 of them. When he finally did, he now has had 3 cancers in 5 years, 2 of them being lung. Just got the latest a week ago. I know you're all going to say you can't tell her what to do or something of the sort, but im sorry, im not going to stand by. As her best friend, i dont care if i make her hate me so much i kill the friendship, i can't let her do this to herself. What can i do to get through the denial she has, and just make her understand? :sad: I know i have to talk to her in person about this for once, but im not even sure what i can say thatll do it, how i can just get through. Anyone have any advice?

I already know this will be a crazy long post, but i want to include everything I can about this situation. Thanks for reading if you do, i know it's alot. So i met this girl almost 3 years ago (we were both in 9th grade, we're both 16 now). We were'nt really friends, just acquaintances who sat next to each other in a class, so we talked ocasionally. That was it for 9th. Over the summer at some point, we started talking online. It was just out of boredom, but we then talked more and more, and the talking eventually became pretty regular. As school started in 10th, we were real friends. We talked online everyday, school too but not as much. We talked more and more, had more and more trust, and soon she was telling me about all sorts of private situations, things she really only told me. So one day, when she was telling me about some bad situation with her dad, i found myself caring more than ever before with anything. It was a weird feeling, and it wouldn't go away. I started to realize i liked her as more than a friend. So after month or so of debating it, i told her one day. The response was the "you're just a friend" line, and that was it. It didn't hurt that bad, the friendship wasn't affected at all, there was no awkwardness. So I thought I would just move on, and that was that. But that's not at all how it went. The feelings didn't go away. We talked everyday and all, and for some reason, there was just no way I could get over it. At this point, I noticed that our friendship was almost all online. In person, we were still kinda like acquaintances. I asked her about that, and she just said that since we became friends online, that's where the friendship shows itself best. I guess that made sense. Still, the feeling of caring about her more than anyone stayed, but by this point i equated it to just a best friendship. I noticed how we talked so much, and i was always there to listen and help when she needed, but she didnt really seem to care much about my problems. We got into an argument over it, i dont even remember how it started. But it was primarily me thinking that she really didnt care about me, which obviously hurt. My friend talked to her about it, and she seemed pretty mad. She actually told him that she didnt feel bad at all, that I was just someone she talked to whe she was bored, and not talking to me was just like breaking a habit. After a week of not talking, she finally imed me, and seemed to be really sincere. But when we got to the whole issue, she didnt seem to want to tell me, but no, she didnt care about me as much as i did her. She said she only had 3 best friends who she cared deeply about, but that was it. Everyone else was just a friend. We made up and all that night, as long a she was honest with me, I was fine with it. So that was last summer. This school year started, and after seeing her in person and all again, I realized the whole "best friend" thing was just me pretending it wasn't what it really was. I still liked her. I told her again in september, i knew the answer would remain the same, but i asked her if she could give me something more definitive than before (like she told some other guy "i will never be attracted to you", yeah, its harsh but its alot better than vague). She just said there's nothing I can say, you have to get over it yourself. Then, she said that shes gonna be "all whatever" about it, because she was preoccupied with other things at the time. Notice the vagueness? That's the trap im in, as i just realized recently. I have hope for something more, i admit it. She hasn't really ever made anything clear. What is "all whatever" supposed to mean? Why could'nt she just say something definitive like a relationship will never happen? Besides all of this, as ive thought about it, our whole friendship is just contradiction after contradiction. Sometimes, we talk online for hours, even on webcam (nothing perverted), sometimes late into the night like even once till 3:30 am on a school night =P. Sometimes we go days without talking. Sometimes, in person, we completely ignore each other, like we arent even friends. Sometimes we at least sort of talk, but nothing like online. We've never hung out really, other than walking to buy food a few times. Once she told a friend "anyone can hit on me, just not (me)" strangely. Another day, shes telling me how no guy ever liked her in the school and no one would ask her to prom (completely ignoring that i did), obviously a hint to me. Sometimes im happy with stuff (and false hope gets the best of me), sometimes im depressed and wonder if we're even friends. She tells other people i'm her best friend i've learned. And when we talked a few times, she put me in the group with those other 3 that she considers best friends like she told me in the summer. I dont know if anything's changed, i cant read anything from her. Because of the vagueness and contradiction, i dont know what i am to her at all. And ive asked in the past, I can't do it again without looking like a fool. I just dont know what to do with all this. The other thing about her, she parties pretty often (drinks and smokes weed). I was kinda upset about it before, but i accept it now, its not really that bad. She used to smoke cigs a little, then quit for 6 months, being very against it to prove to herself that she shouldnt smoke. She kept it from me, she didnt actually lie, but she never told me because she was embarrassed. So a few months ago, she started to smoke socially again. Before i knew it, she was smoking outside of there, and now, its just horrible. Shes given up any limit on it, and is smoking before school starts, sometimes even being late to class because of it. She skips sitting with her friends at lunch to go smokevfor 30 minutes and first thing she does after is smoke. She smells horrible, and shes going to get addicted, and it's killing me. I talked to her last month. I did all i could, i told her that its hurting her friends, not just her, and that nothing will change if shes smoking, but im really upset about it. She quit for 3 weeks. Then, seeing that she could quit and the withdrawel was over, she just started up again, seeing as she enjoyed it. She now uses those 3 weeks as proof that she can quit anytime, but we all know that's in no way the case. Taking a 3 week break isnt quitting, she went back to it, she could'nt do it. It will get harder every day she keeps smoking, and chances are, it will become a lifelong thing. I talked to her again a few days ago, i coudlnt help it. I just tried to see what happened, why she started smoking, how she could ignore everything its doing to her. After a while, she just got mad and basically said, "i smoke, deal with it. Im glad you care and all, but im not just going to do what you want." I dunno, what can i do? Its killing me, ive seen people die from diseases they got from smoking. Seeing her smoke, and the smell she always has now is just horrible. And, since she started smoking, shes started hanging out with all sorts of people, mostly dropouts who show up at school every few days just because they have nothing to do. You know, every highschool has a group like, that. So i see her walking down the street smoking with them or whatever, i know they do heavier drugs too. Its like im losing her, shes drifting away from her friends, and into this new group, and i can't do anything but watch her hurt herself. Please give any advice you can on these two things, i really need it.