My boyfriend and I have been best friends for about a year now.
We are insanely mentally and emotionally compatible.
He told me he was bisexual when we first started becoming close.
About four months after we got really close, we started dating.
I broke up with him after a mere ten days because I got panicked about the idea of dating my best friend, especially since we attend college together and he's sort of my sanctuary at school.
We went home for the summer and I just couldn't get past him.
Finally, after about six months of what we referred to as friendship-dating limbo, he asked me if I wanted to give things another try.
I said I did.
He said we'd have to take it a step at a time in order to effectively deal with his intimacy issues.
I agreed to that.
We dated for about three weeks until he kissed me for the first time and it was a quick kiss at that.
We've only had two of those quick kisses in our month of dating as of yet. We've made out extensively while drunk at parties several times, but even then something always seemed to be off.
He just didn't seem all that into it, certainly not as into it as I was, and he would just stop abruptly, as though he could just take it or leave it easily.
I found a lot of gay porn on his computer while using Limewire to download some music I thought he should hear at his house one day.
I had a number of times over the several months of knowing him doubted his bisexuality and thought if he did have any interest in women physically it was something forcibly exaggerated or entirely fabricated; but, I didn't want to believe this to be true, so I blinded myself to it, instead looking for clues that confirmed what I wanted to believe- that he was bisexual and our relationship would become what I wanted it to be.
Finding all of this gay porn unaccompanied by any straight pornography was sort of a turning point for me.
While we were lying drunk together on the couch one night, I told him I was worried he had exaggerated or fabricated his interest in women.
He refuted this and said that he couldn't imagine being with a man in a relationship, that he wasn't mentally or emotionally attracted to men, only physically and that he was mentally, emotionally, and physically attracted to me, but that I was the only woman he could really imagine having sex with.
I accepted that because I wanted to believe it.
On Thursday, he basically came out and said he believed me to be an exception to his not being able to fully be with a woman and the answer to his not being able to fully be with a man. He said that if it weren't for me, he would believe he was gay and that I seemed to be an exception to this rule- the sole exception- and that he believed I was the answer to his not wanting to be with a man- his inability to mentally desire or accept a relationship with a man.
He told me that he believed there was a substantial chance of us succeeding.
He's said before he believes he's in love with me.
I believe it entirely plausible that he's so mentally and emotionally in love with me that he's managed to create a small amount of physical attraction to me but I don't think this attraction can be considered organic or natural or that it's enough to be satisfactory for either one of us in a relationship.
The hardest part of it all is that I managed to fall in love with him in these past ten months.
I love him so much and the idea of him with anyone else is so hurtful and I'd give up just about anything (including my career and most of my friendships) if there were any way to barter for him to become heterosexual or even truly bisexual, but I know that sexual preference isn't something that can be changed.
I am hoping to become an even better best friend to him through all of this but I first have to tell him I don't think it's possible that I am the sole exception to a biological rule about him and I don't think that us continuing to attempt to have a relationship is a good idea because neither one of us will be fulfilled physically.
I think he just so badly wishes he weren't gay, he's sort of made me into his savior from homosexuality. His father wouldn't readily accept his coming out and it would limit his career terribly.
I hate the idea of rejecting his request so much and I wish he would reach this conclusion on his own.
I don't know exactly what question I might be asking with this post. Perhaps I just want general feedback.
