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I want as many ppl's opinion on this as possible, ok. I've been chatting with a guy for about three months now. We both like each other. I met him once in person in a public place. It wasn't really a date, just a friendly thing. Anyways, I really like this guy. We get along well, we talk about everything. I have met guys over the Net before, but it has never worked. I feel like this person is my friend. I can be myself around him, don't have to hide anything. I have confided so much in him already. He syas lots of supportive things to me, and he's always telling me how cool I am, how great I am, how pretty I am, etc. so here's the thing. I don't want to get hurt. I am used to guys cheating on me. In my experience, the first time I try to be nice to a guy, or show em, or tell em how much I like them, they go the other way. They act like they don't like me as much anymore. And I have a history of ignoring red flags. so here's the red flag, this guy is newly single, (since shortly before we started talking I think)and he won't call me on the phone, he says if women call the house his family will report it back to his ex, who will keep his kid away from him out of jealousy. I really really want to believe this, but it sounds fishy. The more I talk to ppl about it, the more they say "get rid of him, come to your senses" They fill me full of ideas like, he's still with her, he's trying to get out of paying child support, he's a player, he left his family," stuff like that. are these ppl just bitter or trying to help, or both? somebody asked me, what does your gut say, well in the beginning I trusted him totally, but now I'm having doubts, possibly it's triggered by meeting him in person. cuz I want to see him again, but i also want him to call me. I don't want to get involved with somebody that's going to hurt me, either. my last BF cheated on me and was planning to move in with the woman behind my back. I'm worried i'm never going to meet a guy who doesn't lie. I want to be friends with this guy, I want to get to know him, i want to spend time with him! I want to explain to him why this is important to me, but other (older) women say, "let him chase you". I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of making mistakes, I'm tired of having unfullfilling relationships.

I agree my issue is really self esteem. but I don't know how to change. I realize what you're saying, that I put my worth on the way ppl treat me, but since age 6 on, this was the cause of my problems. I can't "snap out of it" anymore than someone can snap out of depression. I went through years and years of rejection, not only from my peers, but my family sometimes too. So to me, it's almost as difficult as changing my personality, to just get some confidence. The only thing that really makes me feel good is when I help others.I don't know how to make myself happy just by being myself. I was kidding about moving to Canada.

I'm in Minnesota

I'm not that far away actually.

Yes I have some. One tried it on me once and then he saw how pissed I was and was like "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be so offended". That to me shows a guy can care about you, but I also know, from knowing him for years, that he treats women like that all the time. (I just never thought he'd do it to me) I also know that some women like it. some women must be okay with being talked to like that and having sex with somebody they don't know or else these guys wouldn't be asking. I'm not trying to say men are pigs. Oversexed, yeah maybe. Maybe I'll just move to Canada.

CarnelianButterfly, I understand what you're saying, but I don't have the energy to be angry at people anymore.The issue for me is not protecting myself, it's that I am not meeting nice guys and I don't know how to function because of my new looks. I don't feel any different inside. I don't put up with crap, I don't let men talk me into sex. I just say, no. I don't think being * * * * *y does anything but turn them on more, because then they think you're playing. I usually just say the truth, I don't like the way you're talking to me. (I don't want to play).

True. I'm not always sure when ppl are stepping on me though. One of my intentions of posting was to see if it's "normal" (maybe not healthy but common) for guys to talk to me this way. I'm asking because this is what has been going on for a long time. I can tell you that it is insulting, not because they want sex, but because my personality doesn't seem to matter.

LOL, that sexual habits thing, that was actually going on even before I lost weight. It is very common for a guy to ask me if I give oral sex, If I like anal sex, if I'm kinky, how many men I've been with, If I also have sex with women, I swear, this is the way they talk to me. and I swear I don't think I'm asking for it. they go "heh heh" like it's supposed to be a joke. There has got to be another woman out there that agrees with me...I'm not crazy am I??? lol.

Thank you for your comments But is it normal for men to just start talking about sex, always keeping a one track mind? Because in my experience, that is all I hear. I don't mean to sound like a manhater. I love men. I have great friendships with men. I just want somebody who wants to be my friend too and doesn't expect me to have sex the first time we're together, because it's dangerous. I don't see how guys on the Internet can't understand why women wouldn't want to meet up with them for sex. On the internet I don't think I'm asking for that kind of attention at all. The things I write about are usually campy and funny, I don't see why a man would look at it and go "yeah, she puts out". I think the way I carry myself is friendly and sweet, but I get nervous when approached sometimes. That is a problem. You have to understand, I still feel like if I walk past a group of guys they're going to snicker at me. I don't know how to fix this. Guys were always the meanest when I was younger, picking on me. I don't see how I can mentally block these thoughts out. I don't dress "slutty" I just meant I wear cuter, more feminine clothes than I used to, because when I was really big I didn't look good in a skirt. This is also an issue of just figuring out where I fit in. one of first things ppl say to me when they see me after the weight loss is, "are you seeing anyone?" and ppl are actually saying things like, "when you get married......" nobody ever said these things to me before. and I'm wondering..how do I do this? So it's not just that I care what people think, it's that I don't even know how relationships, attraction and stuff like that works. The men I have dated are shallow and immature. I'm sure there are men who are not, I just haven't met any, who are single.

I lost almost 100 lbs. But I am so miserable anyway. I always thought if I could be thinner I would be happy. But I'm not. I feel almost the same. I was starting to feel good about myself, wearing cute skirts and stuff like that, but I honestly don't think I can handle this. I don't understand if I really have a problem or if this is the way it really is. I feel like men don't really like me. They just want to use me. Technically I have never had a boyfriend. the longest relationships (or whatever they were) were both about 5 months, and both times the guys told me they loved me and later they were like, no you're not my girlfriend, you were never my girlfriend. I don't know what I did wrong. maybe I let them know I liked them too soon. well anyways. all of a sudden I have a new body. Now everywhere I go men are looking at me. and it's weird. I don't know what to do. I think to myself, 100 pounds ago this guy would have done all he could to not look me in the eye. and if they ask me out, I get all shy and anxious, because guess what, never been on a real date either! One guy asked me to do dancing, and he was really nice, but I couldn't do it, because I don't really know how. I never went to clubs. who wants a woman who isn't experienced? They ask me questions about my sexual habits, etc, and I don't know what to say, because I haven't had much sex. I haven't had a relationship. I don't know if I should tell them or not. and I go on the internet and guys are always asking me for sex. They're not even trying to get to know me at all. I just don't get it. is this what everybody does now? they just go on websites like facebook and myspace and randomly ask for sex? The last time I had sex I had a pregnancy scare and an STD scare. so I am trying to be more careful. but now I am really sad because I think, nobody will ever care about me, all men want is sex, and then when they get it, they get to know you and decide they don't like you after all. I thought if I looked better guys would like me, but it backfired! They like me but not the way I want them to. so tonight I'm destructively going on a junkfood binge. I don't know why I even bothered. Okay I lost weight for health reasons, but I did think my social life would improve. and it has not. I feel hopeless. I actually at the start of this post almost started crying because I'm so frustrated. ](*,)