mommyof3angels

Thank you both for your help. I believe I will follow your advice MelRich and set an ultimatim. Lee is probably just a fantasy but if so I wish he would get out of my head!!!!! So what do you do when the sparks are just not there and possibly never will be? It is awful going through life just playing this role and not truly being in it.

I believe you are right, I have not given this my all. It is just so frustrating to be in a house with someone and be so mad and full of anger for no reason at all. After he leaves, I am more relaxed for some reason. He would never agree to go to counseling. He believes we have no problems even though I tell him all the time that I am not happy. I have never talked about leaving him until last night though. Also, I have never told him how I truly feel, like no feelings for him and such. Do you think I should? I just didn't want to do that until I decided what I was going to do for sure.

Thank you for your reply. I have told my husband how I feel over and over again. He told me to go and take some time to myself, so I went to Florida back in March. The only thing I missed were my children. There is no excitement, no fireworks, no anything with him, and honestly there never have been. But everytime I talk to him about things, he will switch things up for a while like trying to show me more attention. After a couple of weeks, everything is right back to were we began. It is to the point were I don't want to even leave the kids alone with him, not because he is a bad man but he doesn't take any time with them. Everytime I come home, they are in their rooms because he told them to go. Just little things like that which never change and then the no sparks part.... it is just tugging at my heart. Oh yeah, and I have always been a pretty much independent person and enjoy time alone. He will NEVER leave me alone unless I go to the groc store or some other errand. I have also talked about this, but nothing changes for long.

Hi all! This is my first post here. It is going to be long but I want you to kind of get the whole jist of the situation. Thank you all for any advice you can give. I have 3 children ages 6,4 and 2. I have been married for almost 5 years to a wonderful man. When I say wonderful, I mean he is everything that a woman could want.... but I am not happy. We just bought a house 2 years ago and a new car a month ago. I was thinking the car would make me happy! LOL Back to the beginning... I was 16 when I starting dating my first love. He is the father of my oldest child. We dated off and on for 5 years, and we had a lot of ups and downs as neither one of us truly knew what we wanted. I met my husband and we began talking. Well Lee (my daughter's father) got married and after a while I got pregnant with my son (by my husband whom we'll call Ray). I decided to get married (1st) of of spite that Lee had gotten married and he still had feelings for me and (2nd) because I was pregnant and I did not want to be a single mom with 2 children. I know, I know.... all the wrong reasons. So I was never really in-love with Ray but I knew he was a good man and would do me right. Meanwhile, Lee decides to get a divorce and try to make our relationship work but I am determined to make my marriage work. I thought I would grow to be in-love with Ray and that has never come. I do love him as he is the father of 2 of my children and treats my little girl like his own. However, we barely have a relationship at all. If we get someone to watch the kids, we most likely will sit at home and not speak. I have been so depressed with all this the past couple of weeks, I will bust out crying for no reason. I am not happy and it is starting to effect the way I treat my children. During the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking of Lee almost constantly, to the point were I can barely carry a conversation with my husband at all. So today, I run into Lee's brother and we get to talking. I told him how I am feeling (but left out the part about Lee) and he was like, "Oh gosh, i have to call Lee and tell him you might be singe. He will be on his way in a matter of minutes I bet." Lee lives hundreds of miles from me. I am in NC and he is in NJ. So I guess my problem is really a lot of problems in one. I feel that Lee is the one, always has been and always will be. While I am still thinking of separate from my husband, I know I can not currently make it on my own. I am a stay-at-home mom. I asked Ray last night if we were to get separated, how we would split things up. He said there would be no splitting anything as he would just leave if I did not want him there. I am worried my children would never understand this and I really don't want to lose my house. If Lee was to call me right now, I would pack up all my and the kids belongings and be gone. I am just so confused!!! So what would you do?