apollens

Life and the World is so incredibly complicated, more than anyone will ever truly be able to grasp. When the craziness, randomness, and difficulties of living come and smack you in the balls and you feel stressed, pained, or burdened, just...relax; it's just another event in this mysterious world we live in. Other than that, talking to a psychiatrist could be quite helpful

thanks again everyone, I think I will save this thread forever to help me reflect on this time of indecisiveness. Everyone who replied, know that you really have helped someone in need. Andy

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has replied, you guys said some very helpful things. After reading these posts and talking with my parents and friends, I am indeed going to continue to struggle through these initial challenges I am having in college. Thanks again

Hi. I appreciate the quick response, but no, motivation is not the problem at all. I am highly motivated and driven. Just not in this environment. I can't find good, satisfying outlets for my motivation.

Hi. I have been thinking these types of thoughts for a while, and finally decided to just let it all out on the computer. Here it is, unedited. Please respond with opinions. Thanks: I’m having a lot of trouble thinking about what I want to do education-wise and job-wise. I feel like I just do not learn nearly as well as I can in a typical education setting. I learn much, much more efficiently and pleasantly reading all sorts of things online, primarily on wikipedia. The struggle right now is that the Kalamazoo Promise is paying for me to attend college. It is October, and the semester doesn’t end until December. I don’t want to just stop doing my stuff now, because that will jeopardize my future, as I may change my mind and come back to college later (the promise pays for up to 10 years after high school graduation). It’s hard to focus on my “work” for the sole reason of not ruining my possible future mind changing chances. Right now, I want to first find out if I stop after this semester, will the promise cover the rest of the school year should I decide to re-enroll. I also need to do something “progressive” with my time if I stop after this semester. I feel like I don’t deserve to just learn way and enjoy things right now since I am not going all-out in my studies. When I leave to bike ride and not study, I feel a little guilty. But when I study, I feel miserable because I am learning only enough to regurgitate, and I am not doing what I truly want to do. I am going against my intuition. Starting some kind of business sounds pretty appealing, but I don’t think I want to just keep getting computers and reselling them, as its not profitable enough and doesn’t contribute to a higher cause. Starting a soymilk farm, creating a recycling program in another country, these are the things that really appeal to me. I just need an entrepreneurial edge, or something that the rest of the businesses don’t have, in order for mine to succeed. I have lots of interests and skills, but I am sick of learning in the same old ways again and again. Formulas are not what I want to be learning anymore. I’ve taken 6 different classes now (started with 4, switched 2), and none of them are really doing it for me… even philosophy! I’m muscular and healthy and crafty and spontaneous and adventurous and intuitous and smart and driven, yet I find few opportunities to make use of these here, and during those times, it is in relatively small magnitudes.