RampageCLA

It is kind of a personal letter, but it would be good to find out whether it's worth giving it to her. I wouldn't mind getting the opinions of both men and women. Remember I wrote most of this while I was angry, and later when I calmed down. Here goes: I've been writing this down for a while; I know I have a hard time telling you about my true feelings. I never wanted to argue with you and I never wanted to hurt your feelings, and that is why I said nothing. I know you probably won't read this word for word, you might even read the bottom of the letter first, and you'll throw this out like every other letter I gave you too, so I really don't care. If I really wanted to keep this friendship, I would never let you see this. I may have been in one relationship with only you for a while, but I learned a lot. I know that what I have for you, is love, I will never feel the same way with other women in my life, and somehow I feel cheated by this. I do know, that no one will have ever loved you the way I did. The woman I end up with should have all my love, not just some facsimile. Even though I would love her with what I can give, somehow it's not going to compare to how I feel about you. You may still not understand why I still love you the way I do, it's more than just what you've done for me, and you have been the biggest influence in my life. The reason I love you still is because of "you" and everything about you. Even though you have done really hellish things to me, and the reason I can forgive you for those things, in my opinion, must mean that I love you unconditionally. If you think that what I wrote is stupid, it means that I don't know anything about love, and if that is the case then I think relationships are stupid and that the only reason people are together is just a warped sense of not wanting to die alone in this world. I have no business in your love-life anymore, so I'm going to stay out of it from now on. You may not acknowledge my feelings, but they're there and you don't have to walk all over them and somehow you still do. I, however, will NEVER trust anybody again! In a way you lied to me, when you said that you were getting over C***. All he had to do was call, and you took back the broken pieces of your heart that I so called "picked up" and held in my hands; and you gave it right back to him. Every time he did this, remember the feelings you had. I was there for you when your heart was broken many times, and I still had the strength to pick it back up for you. I was waiting for the time when you would have handed your heart to me, without me having to hold it, but now I realize that, that will never happen. You say that you loved me, well think about how you loved me. Now you know why I tell you that you don't really love me, and now not even as a friend. I'm really jealous of C***, everybody loves him. Your kids, your friends, even Andrew for crying out loud. Because of that, I felt like nothing but a speck of dust in your life. Now this speck of dust is slowly being blown away, and you haven't even noticed. I've realized lately that you have been using me all this time and I don't think you knew it. You needed someone to share your feelings with, and I was there because C*** wasn't. Now he's back in your life, you've had only him in your thoughts. All it's been is C*** this and C*** that, oh how you want C***, and how much you want to "do" him, and how horny he makes you feel. I REALLY DON'T NEED TO KNOW, HOW SOMEONE I LOVE FEELS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE! Why don't you just go f**k C*** like you've always wanted and leave me the hell alone! If you're still reading this and haven't thrown it away then the only thing I can say is sorry. Despite all of this, I will still want to be in a relationship with you in the future, but only if you want to be with me, but somehow I doubt you would take me up on my offer. I don't know what you think of me, and I don't really know why you do the things you do. I hope that one day I will, I also hope that it won't be too late. I really hate myself for ever making you feel confused, or uneasy about our relationship. I should have gotten out of our relationship when C*** started to come back into your life. Then we could have been better friends now, but that is in the past and right now I really don't know where things stand between us, or what will happen in the future. Like I said before, my feelings will always be a factor. I hate how I feel because of all this and I wish that I didn't have to anymore. And that's it. ](*,)

Well, I'm back again. I'm almost finished writing the letter to her, the whole time I'm writing it I don't know what i should do with it. If I could show it to you guys, I would. Now I gotta know, this letter has all my feelings, good and bad. When, and if i should give it, would be a good time?

Thanks for the advice. I've tried to go on with my life, but now i'm very conflicted, i just don't want to go into another relationship with someone else and have the same thing happen to me all over again. I'm just being paranoid, i know. But that feeling will go away, right?

I just recently realized how much of a mistake i've made, entering into a relationship with my ex, and my first relationship too. It's a very, very, very complicated story, suffice it to say, I fell in love with her, and in the end was completely heart broken. She was the first for me in many ways. Now we've tried to stay friends for many months after she broke up with me, but i've also known that my feelings for her are still strong. When we first met, she told me she was single because, her boyfriend has never been around, because he works out of the province, and that is how me and her hooked up. As we spent time together she told that she wanted to forget all about him, and we eventually became involved, but every 2 months he would call or even show up and tensions between me and her grew. She broke up with me when he finally came to town and asked her to marry him, she of course accepted, and again he left. Even through all of this she continues to tell me how much she is still in love with her former boyfriend, despite knowing my feelings for her. But she even went as far as telling me how much she wants to in her own words, "to f*** him and how the last time he was here, how h**ny" he made her feel. It's been two weeks since I spoke to her after telling me all this, during that time i've written a letter of how i feel after that, and i was thinking about slipping it into her mailbox. The worst part is, is that I still love her. My biggest concern is that she has been my best friend, my confidant, and a lover at one time. Can their still be a way of keeping the friendship, or am i always going to be hurt because of my feelings for her? This is my first relationship so i don't know what to do now.