I realize some of these posts are sort of old, but I have been reading all over the internet about the situation in which I have put myself. I have just had the most exciting and depressing and unique (to me) month of my life. Let me give you a brief history...
I have worked very closely with a man for several years. I was attracted to him initially but filed him in the off limits folder because he was married with children. However, I realized one day that I was in love with him. He was perfect for me and it was so unfair because after all my years of searching for the perfect person for me, here he was but already committed to another life. I tried harder than anyone can imagine to ignore and get over my feelings for him. I never told him, of course, and I assumed he had nothing but platonic feelings for me anyway. I never once wished he would leave his wife and family for me. I never once wanted to be the other woman. I just suffered in silence for years, trying to date, etc. But one day last month, out of the blue, he confesses he's in love with me and has been for quite some time.
And guess what? I fooled myself into believing that our situation was different than any other potential extra marital affair situation. That it wasn't sex or lust or anything "wrong." He didn't love his wife, he loved me. And I loved him. And he didn't want to leave his children for fear of them hating him. So, against all sanity and alram bells going off in my head, I let this guy move right in with me. We had a few perfect weeks together.
And I came to my senses and told him to either go back to his family or get his own place to figure out what he wanted before using me as his exit door. To my shock, he agreed and said he wanted to give his marriage one last chance for the sake of his children. I was devastated. Then I realized I was upset because I wanted him to talk me out of a good decision.
I am not really ok now, but I am healing. I still have to work with him and my moods range from hating him to loving him to wanting to just be his best friend again, to wanting to be his lover no matter the short or long-term costs. It's a roller coaster I don't want to ride, but am scared to get off.
Ok, so it's not a brief history, but there it is.
