Whitecat

Thank you for the responses...The feelings are overwhelming for sure. That uncertainty of trust...I truly hate it. Well call me a fool or not but after a long heart to heart...she explained all about it... Basically she has made some poor * * * decisions in the relationship department and along comes this guy who after 4 years and playing daddy to her children(one was born into the relationship the other was 3 1/2) he proposed and told her they would buy a house together and have a child of their own...well he dumped her...after some rebound stuff I came along..... The first time was 6 months in and it was only or*l(I know cheating is cheating)to him...she said it was due to leftover unresolved feelings for him.. ok I can understand that...being dumped by someone you love sux The second time he won her with seduction and rekindling the thoughts of him and her and the house and child together...she fell for it...stupid move but it happened.... He stayed active in her childrens lives as a conduit to her...she realized this when he degraded her in the front yard by saying she wasn't worthy of his child(that's another story) She told me to kick his * * * but he was driving away for me to put him in his place...... So now the call me a fool or not part..... Today because I love her so deeply in my heart...Finally forgave her and gave her a new clean slate and full trust...of course I told her if she smears the slate there will be consequence she will remember for the rest of her days.... So I am moving on with this and hopefully I don't get burned and she does not ever jeopordize our relationship with dishonesty, unloyal acts...etc Hopefully she won't put herself in any compromising situations that would go against me or us!! I guess the part that hurts the most is the lies for a year and the fact I gave the option of an open or managamous relationship right from the beginning...she chose manogamy and I was glad she did until the event.....It wouldn't be cheating if it were open...It isn't the act that gets me...It's the lies and deception...atleast it was with her former and not a stranger(doesn't make it right...just a little safer in the area of STD's) so again thank you all...I will probably be moving to another area of this forum that suits having a good trusting relationship.... PEACE

I have to give a run down of relationships to get anyone with advice up to speed...Sorry it will be lengthy...Here goes: I have been in 4 actual love relationships...and some dating relationships. All but 2 of those women I have been with cheated on me in one form or another. I was with a woman whom became my wife and mother of my son..After being with her for 17 years(started dating at age 15) and being married for 9 years we split in 2000. The last 3 years with her was just co-existing with not even a hug. We are still friends for the sake of our son and stay very civil. I was told by others she cheated and I had suspicions any way. She came clean this year about what she did. Doesn't matter anyway. My heart belongs to my current g/f of 2 years who cheated 2 times on me with her ex-fiance whom was in another relationship of his own...once after 6 months and again a year later. I was suspicious to it and she lied to my face about it for over a year. The cheating wasn't full blown sex..actually she was the giver without receipt of anything. Because my love is real and this woman has extremely great characteristics and traits(other that the betrayal) I decided to not dump her. Because I have issues around being cheated on(who doesn't) I have been a bit of a basket case and now our relationship is on the edge of ending.. I found out she was cheating by survailance method and she admitted it finally and wanted to work through it as she claimed to truly love me....now she says she loves me but is not in love with me due to my insecurity of what she and my formers did...mind you the 2nd time was march of this year and she admitted it at the end of May. She wants me to basically forgive,forget and move on. Her reasons for cheating are that she thought she still had feelings for him. My questions are: How does one cheat if they claim to be IN love with you? Where was I in her thoughts/being while she was doing the act? Is it possible for her to be trusted again? What can she do to prove she is loyal and faithful now and has learned her lesson? Am I allowed to be a little jealous if she is flirty with another until trust is rebuilt? My hearts door is closing and if it does ---no one will ever get back inside...not in this lifetime. Aside from counseling as it is too expensive....What advice does anyone have that we can do as a couple to get back those feelings of True Loyal Trusting Love? I want to trust her implicitly!!!!! But How can she help mend those wounds that she inflicted on top of the scars of my past? I reallly do love this woman!!! Thank you in advance to all that give advice on this. Peace8-)