dee346

yeah, she is trying to break us. She has other children from a string of previous failed relatiohships -she married the last, but really, no offense, but he isn't quite the catch (there's a story there as well) we're doing relatively well in our careers -still have a way to go aspiration-wise, but we're young, -and we really do love each other. And his son is great too. we have a lot of fun together. but you're right, I still don't have those protective maternal feelings that he has, and probably won't until I bear a child of my own. I decided a long time ago that this was what I wanted. And I don't have any regrets, but it can get hard. I have a more logical take on things, while his is more emotional. I just hate the fighting and the moods and the turmoil. when things are good, they're great. but I feel like his ex sniffs it out, and starts her phone calls again. (note they're all during the daytime when her husband is at work.)

it's just tough. My hubbie isn't home right now, but we both can be stubborn when we fight. So I'm sure we're going to be cool to one another when he gets home. Cuz I am mad! I want to express an opinion about something that pertains to MY family as well, without him turning on me. I want him to feel for me for once, and realize that I AM GOING THROUGH THIS TOO.

sometimes I feel that HE's not thinking like a team. For example: would you: A. as a lashing response, pay another few grand to get two more days a month (he currently has every friday night and saturday day, but every other full weekend -and claimed he may take her back to court for FULL weekends) or... B. forget it, and put the money towards a beach vacation at christmas-time for the three of us (which will be our first family vacation) that we've been discussing a bit, and are trying to pull some money together for. Not to mention, the more they argue the less chance his mother will let that happen without creating major problems about it.... the latter seems more enjoyable for everyone. the former seems more selfish and spiteful, if you ask me...

I understand what you're saying. and that's the approach we have taken (or have tried) for the past 5 years. (and that's why we've made it so long) but there ARE times when one's other half disagrees. I am having difficulty expressing my opinion on the matter without being told I am unsupportive. He is stubborn, and has always declared himself "alone" over the course of his child's life. I see it quite the contrary. His family has always been supportive and helpful. yet he is convinced that he has always had do do this "alone". I don't understand why he feels the world is against him. and I think that's why he's mad at me right now, because me expressing my differing opinion is percieved as non-support or indifference. How can one be supportive without taking the backseat in this case?

I have never asked him to choose me over him. I often take the backseat. but where does one draw the line? How much do you support one's decision to continuoulsly spend money on legal fees when A. you feel it's the anger talking, B. his lawyer advises to let a certain incident go, that it wouldn't be worth the effort, and C. you feel the goals and aspirations of your new family are taking a back burner for this hatred, and reactionary anger? i came home from a business trip last month (I was away for a week) and the minute my hubby walked in the door, he was ranting and raving about her. (how his son missed an important baseball game because she had other plans for them that evening). I was sad that my husband hadn't seen me in a week, and he was so mad that he didn't even seem excited to see me. yeah, I'm an adult, I try not to be selfish, so I didn't say anything. but i can't help but be sad about it.

so, I have been married 3 months. I love my husband, we're very happy. EXCEPT for one thing.... There is a constant strain on our new marriage. My husband's son's mother. The quick details: We got engaged and bought a house, and she dragged him into court -For the first time in his son's 10 years of life. It was ugly, his time with his son was ultimately cut in half by the judge, and not to mention the new heaftier child support order -it was a huge hit on our budget. granted, my husband always provided for his son, but had the liberty of paying for clothes and sports etc while seeing where the money went, instead of now seeing it get spent on her other children in her household. ok, so that was our engagment. Now that we're newly married, she just won't stop bothering us! (and she's also married!) She refuses to take her son to the important sporting events and activities that are important to his developement (unfortunately my hubby can't get out of work to do so, but she is a home-maker...) and is proceeding to call him and throw it in his face that she won't. so now here we are, me and my husband fighting. He hates her so much that he wants to do anything to get his son away from her (has a slew of reasons she is bad for him) and I know from experience, it costs tons of money (he still owes his lawyer a couple thousand!) and in my belief -the less he fights back, the less she pushes. I think she just wants to push his buttons, ruin his happiness, and make his life as miserable as hers. But in his anger, he can't see that. And if I try to tell him not to fight back so hard, he accuses me of not being supportive. Don't I get an opinion on all this? I can't help but hold all this resentment. we're relatively young, and this is not normal for newlyweds, and our engagement was stressful as well. We love each other dearly, but I am sick of his moods and recieving the brunt of his anger from her incessant calls, and instigations. Tonight, we are not talking because he mentioned taking her back to court (because she's being difficult, and claiming she's going to take the son away on vacation early despite it will be my husband's custodial time and he doesn't give his permission.) well, quite frankly am I to blame if I am sick of the debt from the legal bills when we don't even have a savings fund yet? I just feel that his hatred and fight against this woman is overriding our life (and plans!) as a newly married couple. Tonight he is angry at me because he feels I am not supporing him, and all I care about is the money. I am just so sad. I knew what i was getting into, but I feel sometimes that I carry the weight of the world (this custody stuff AND my husband's anger as well as his distraction all the time) yet no one asks me how I'm holding up. no one asks me if I'm ok with all this.... I usually handle it very well, and do my best to be supportive, but I have needs and desires too. And my husband doesn't see hisself as ever being selfish because he's fighting for his son. yet, i can't help but think he's angrily reacting to her goading... any advice for me? I know it's not a typical situation. i just want to enjoy our newlywed stage, and be a regular family!