Jay Bird

I really apreciat all of your input on this matter, I talked to a few community counsellors and got some varied advice and put what made the most sense together. and I completely agree, there is no excuse for my actions I did wrong and I must take responsability I read every quote and have gotten a great deal of insight from all of you I miss her because it's my own damn falt and today I set an appointment with an anger managment counsellor who sees you 1 on 1 its set for sep 14 and in the mean time I wrote a letter because she still has a key and I left it on the desk. it basically states I need to get counselling to control my outburstsd until I can get to the point where I am in control of my actions and that I need to let her be on her own and give her all the time she needs and let her decide if she wants anything to do with me and its better that I get the help I need for myself and she is the one to decide to invite me back into her life but only after I get a handle of my self and my actions after some time with anger management and counseling in the mean time I can only hope that any arrangements she makes are comfortable and will acomidate her in work music and everything shes working toward, and that I;m sorry I let things get out of control and I can only hope one day she'll have me as a friend, otherwise I realise I need to opologize for my actions and hope she will find employment and work in film as thats what she came here for as for my self I feel bad and am trying to make healthy choices and decisions and am going to take a job as a bike courier to keep buisy and try to focus on my own well being and just hope she is safe and in a good place. thanks all Jay Bird- Musiciam 'normaly a nice guy with issues to sort through thanks for all your advice support and honesty

So scratch the letter, accuistations, ultamatiums, etc. Turn your back and don't look back. She already has shown no respect and you have a friends input as well. Don't get much clearer then that. thanks for the friend point of view, you know I have come to realise I have a problem- I loose control of my anger and it gets to the point where I'm going to have to lose anyway because I already hurt her and she gets out of bed and starts getting dressed to leave and this time I did it again ... I'm so disapointed with myself. I know its shattered and its my fault,, but what ever triggers me I seriously need to get some sort of counselling or anger management, because This isn't the first time in a relationship-- I want you all to know I'm being perfectly honest and I'm all mixed up because I know i'll miss the times we shared and things we did and the good memories and how I feel about her when this hadn't happened I mean I accept that what I did was wrong but on the other hand I also will have to live with not only losing her but how I lost her, and thats going to really suck cause I wanted to settle down with her. but I blew it...

thanx for your input and advice I asked what happened and got three different answers, got in a van, went to weston slept in a friends bed while they slept on the couch, and stayed at a womans shelter we like each other verry much but she has serious isues that offten get in the way of our relationship and I try to be patient but offten wind up loosing my cool and some times pushing and this morning she wanted to fly out the door the minute we opend our eyes, to go to church, she was a little insensitive about a hug and kiss and caused an argument that got out of control, I casn usually keep my calm and be patient but had just woke up and lost my cool and pushed her and this one I cant even believe-spit in her face she probly wont want anything to do with me and even if she conciders anything to do with me I need counselling or anger managment so for now all I can do is give her space to think what she wants to do and try not to hate myself because I do right now the funny thing is we just got to a good point and had a great day yesturday and I said were off to a good start and she replied yah until it happens again and its the re hashing that gets my goat but I agree pushing etc is not the solution and I may have pushed her away. which is my fault, and I'm in a muck for my actions. I askedwhat can I do she said stop being abusive and rod off on her bike. I let her go but feel verry bad

Ive been seeing my girlfriend for about two months now and twice now she didn't come home all night. The first time was around a week ago se said she went to a few clubs in the area. and the last one was right down the street. I asked why she didn't come home after. her reply was she thought I wanted some space , I said yah for the evening but not the whole night. she said she slept on a friends couch. well last night she went to dance at a few nearby clubs, and I went playing to make money as I'm a musician. it was 3:45 a.m. and I decided to get some sleep. it's now 3:00 the next afternoon and still no show, and no voice message either. I saw a long time friend of mine this morning and she has known her for as long if not longer than I have. she told me that two years ago she was completely in love with this guy and was seeing other guys and wondered why he got mad at her and ended it. this was news to me and this was her advice- ask her if she wants to be with me or be with me and see other guys and to be honest and that its not an argument but I just want to have a mutual understanding if we are to have a relationship and to be clear that I'm monogomist and clarify where we stand. I wrote my feelings and the advice as best I could in a letter and also said mind you this is not an ultumatum nor an accusation but I am monogamist and want to be your guy only. "if you sleep with anyone (even once) all we have will crumble and I will suffer not only losing you but also living with infidelity-choice is yours time to think seriously our relationship is counting on it thats not the whole letter but a small example of how I feel I'm trying to keep calm and level headed till I see her and will want a truthful answer of what happened last night hopping for the best -Jay Bird

yes you are right, and I take full resposibility for my actions seeking anger management right now and giving her all the space she needs till I get help. is well recived advice and I cant imagin how in the heat of an argument I could be so stupid.. thank you for your honesty and advice and yes, I will accept any decision she makes even if it means the end of our relationship because like you said your not suposed to hurt some one if you love them I'm going to take the proper steps for myself and action and vow to not let such a terrible thing happen again...

Ive nown my now girlfriend for about eight years and wrote a song about her two years ago, we are now seeing each other and things where great with the exeption of me rasing my voice a time or two until this morning .. I woke up and she was right out of bead ready to go out the door and I said arent you going to have coffee first?? and she said., I dont tell you when to go out or what to do , and we started to argue and I lost my cool, pulled her hair and hit her on the side of the head and "I regreat it terribly, she said I broke her trust and yah, I agree,, I told her that I never wanted to act like that again and needed help to deal with how to controll myself when I get angry she came back to let me make breakfast, and said "I should go to church and not counseling. I spoke to a counselour about it and he told me all I can do is tell her I'll respect her suggestion and be there for her and whatever dicision she makes I'll accept it. I had the chance to give her just that in a letter and she said that was nice but I think I may have damaged our relationship and I pray for both her and my well being and to seek propper comunication tools and ways to deal with how I act when I get angry all I can hope for is a second chance if I even get one keeping the faith -jay