brokk

And that's the problem, I don't know what's best for me. In an ideal world, things would get resolved and we'd stay together. But am I stupid if I choose to follow that route? After all, it does leave open the possibility to be hurt worse than I already am. Part of me says that I should just end it now, but that seems an awfully drastic step considering how much we've put into this relationship.

Sigh, the 2nd cousin thing is really kinda messed up, isn't it? Sad thing is, while a little bit sketchy, it's legal to marry your second cousin -- first cousins are a no, but seconds are technically OK. As far as I'm concerned, it's not so much an issue that she's related to him (although it is disturbing) but more that she (they?) are having such strong feelings. It's not like I'm ok with her cheating, it bothers me and it kills me that it may have happened. But since she was able to forgive me for betraying her trust about something she felt so strongly about, I can't help but feel that I should be able to do the same. Regarding my weight, she fully admits that it is shallow of her to care about, but she's always been up front about it not only being a physical issue, but also in concern for my health. I know that I need to lose weight, and I'm doing it not for her, but for me. If it helps the situation, so be it, but it needs to happen regardless.

My girlfriend and I have been together for the better part of 5 years. We've had our ups and downs, as all couples do, but for the most part we've been happy together. Obviously, however, since I'm posting here, things have taken a turn for the worse. Over the course of the past few months, I started to feel like we were drifting apart, but not for any particular reason. It's apparent to me now that she was feeling the same way. Unfortunately, we didn't begin to try to deal with this until just recently, and I think it may be too late. I've definitely made some major mistakes recently that, more likely than not, helped to put us in the situation we're in. One of the major issues my girlfriend has is with smoking -- it is in no way acceptable, as she puts it "a deal breaker." Perhaps as a response to the distance between us, I started drinking more than I should have, and a few times when I was less than sober, I decided it would be OK to smoke. What a stupid move on my part. Long story short, she caught me, and I'm very very thankful that our relationship didn't end there. I know that I betrayed her trust with the smoking and drinking. I make no excuses for my actions, and wish that I hadn't been such a stupid person. At this point, I've given up both completely, and she knows that, but I know I have a long road to travel before I can regain her trust. Another issue is my weight. Over the course of our relationship, I've gained a fair bit of it, and she's made it clear to me that it's an issue. Again, I make no excuses -- my weight gain was 100% my fault, and there's nobody to blame but myself. So with that background out of the way, here's the current situation: About a month ago, she went on a weeklong trip to visit her second cousin. When they were teenagers, they had an emotionally charged summer, and in her words, she thinks that he was her first love. When she got back from her trip, she told me that she had developed a rather strong crush on him. I initially didn't think much of it, she's had crushes in the past (as we all do), and nothing has come of them. It soon came out that (perhaps with the trip as a catalyst), she was having serious doubts about our relationship. She told me that she had been feeling distant for some time, and that, however cliched, she loves me, but she isn't sure she's in love with me. She's no longer physically attracted to me (more than likely because of my weight), and she isn't sure what future we may have together. (Ironically, about a week before this decision, I'd finally come into the mindset that I really needed to lose weight, and over the past several weeks, I've lost a fair bit of it and plan to keep losing it..) I also learned that her "crush" was, in reality, more than that -- she's "in lust" with him, if not more. I've snooped around some and discovered that there's a pretty decent chance she fooled around with him on her trip, and it doesn't seem like the infatuation has faded much, if at all, over the last month. Ironically, I'm almost OK with the cheating, since I did betray her trust rather significantly and she was able to forgive me (at least on the surface). She does continue to have more contact with him than I'd like, and not all of it is on a completely platonic level, but as far as I know, there's been nothing beyond flirting.. At this point, she still wants to give our relationship a chance. I don't want it to end, but I'm not sure what options I really have. I feel like I'm up against a wall. On the one hand, she's not attracted to me physically anymore, and she doesn't know how likely it is that it will come back, not to mention the other issues we've been trying to deal with. I also am under the pressure of trying to win her back without really knowing what I should be doing.. On the other hand, however, there's this infatuation that doesn't seem to be going away, and I can't seem to bring myself to believe that it will. I love her, and want to be with her, but I don't know what options I have other than waiting with my heart tied up in knots until she can come to a conclusion. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Thanks in advance..