jades77

She asked me a week ago if i wanted to marry her. I have spent all my time over the last ten days thinking what i should do and i was not able to decide. I dont know whats stopping me from saying a yes to her. Maybe its the feeling of leaving home. I was OK staying away for a couple of years but eventually be open to coming back. She is a very ambitious and career oriented person and she feels theres nothing that she could get here and thats why she wants to grow in her career in Europe. If i have to go there, i will probably have to let go of my current job and also change my career path quite a bit. All this was ok with me expect the part of leaving my home. But she loves me a lot and cares for me. She cares so much tht it scares me if i can ever find someone who can care for me as much.

She is not from Europe. Both of us are from Sri Lanka. However both of us have been to Europe earlier because of ur jobs. We work at the same place. She seems to like the work culture out there and wants to settle down there. She has told me that thats what her parents wanted her to do and they were perfectly OK with her staying away. But its a little different with me. I have grown very close to my family and the thought of going away indefinitely is not comforting. I have tried to talk to her into asking things like "What do we do if one of our parents is sick or needs help?", She has simply said that we could visit them and be with them when they need us but we need to be back to Europe because thats where she sees her future. My family is not comfortable with this idea. She has also said that my parents could come and visit us in Europe if they wanted to be closer to me, but i know its not going to be a very comfortable situation for everyone. She feels my parents are being unreasonable by expecting me to stay close to them and she feels i am giving up on her for them and thats a big mistake which i will suffer for. I am not able to express my grief to my family, because if they see me in this much trouble, they will ask me to go. I want to do the right thing. please help me decide.

If i had to ask myself if it would be family or her, i would probably stay back for my family except for the fear of the unknown, the fear of staying alone and not being able to find someone who could make me forget her. My family has been there for me all these years and i am here because of them mostly, i just get a guilty feeling when i have to leave them and go and have them take care of themselves at their age. But i love her so much i cant seem to let her go. I would have been happy moving with her if we didnt have all the problems we have had in the past and if she agreed that we could come back when we needed to. Though we share many common interests, i dont think we understand each other and our needs are a little different. We think we can still make it work, but i am not sure if i will be happy if i leave and go. I know i can come visit my family once a year or so, but i will not be able to take care of them when they really need me. I feel responsible towards them and i think i should stay back and let her go. But there is this emptiness inside me that will haunt me if she goes away. There is this void that i dont think anyone can fill. I dont know what to do

We have spoken about this and have told each other that we would work on the communication and make sure it gets better. It never did in the last few years, but we hoped it would be better if we tried. But I am not able to say yes to her because i will have to move out of the country. Also, she is not very comfortable with my family and this i feel will bring about a lot of differences in the future. The biggest problem i have now is that if i say No to her, will i ever be able to be in love again and get married? I am almost 30 years old and that bothers me too.

Unfortunately no. She has made it very clear that if i am not ready to move for good, then she doesnt want this marriage to happen. She does talk about visiting our families once in a while, but its more than that. I really feel the need to stay close to my older parents who have done so much for me. I feel i will not be able to love someone else or get married to anyone else but her. I am also afraid i will be really lonely if she leaves. We have shared so many dreams together and all that will be destroyed. We have a lot of problems to work on and we had agreed to do so, but then this issue of moving out of the country has put me in a fix. Looks like I am going to be unhappy no matter which decision i take now.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 5 years now. We have been through some really troubled times and many a time at a point of breaking up. Though we have had many differences, we have been strong on our relationship and eventually wanted it to lead into a marriage. We have a big issue in communication and we dont undertstand each other that well. But i still love her and so does she. She wants to move to Europe after marriage and settle there for good. I live in Sri Lanka and have a family with old parents who have been expecting me to live close to them after i get married. I truly love her and dont think i will ever be able to live with anyone else if i let her go. But if i do get married to her, i will have to leave my old parents behind who do not have anyone else to support them. I have tried talking out with her on returning home when we could if my parents needed us, but she wont accept that. She wont return for any reason but to come visit our families once in a while. I dont know what to do because i cant let her go, but at the same time i cant leave my parents behind especially when they are old and fall sick often. I feel if i let her go, i will never be able to marry anyone again. Please help