I'm new to the forum so Hi all, there seems to be some great advice & experience here so I hope you can help me out.
I'm in a big dilemma - here's the background, sorry if it's long but it's hard to summarise your history:
While at University I began dating a girl, "Jane'' in the first year. After about a year we mutually decided things weren't workin out, mainly because we were both quite young & didn't know what we wanted or what the other wanted. In the 2nd year I began seeing a girl, 'Alison' who I stayed together with for nearly two years. We went through a period of long-distance relationship which was tough, but on returning we were still together. Soon after though, I ended it because seeing Jane again I realised I still had strong feelings for her, and she was still in my close knit group of friends so we spent lots of time together.
In this final year Jane & I had started fooling around, but being in the same close-knit group of friends made her reluctant to become official gf & bf. After Uni I hoped this might be different. Just after leaving Uni I went away for a long holiday & I came back to find out she had started seeing another guy. I took this pretty badly, & all I can say is that I wish I had read the posts about non-contact during this time! I eventually got over her & managed to forget about her.
Due to some twists in fate I started to see 'Alison' again and we've been together now for around 3 years & have lived together for 1 year.
The spanner in the works is that this weekend I saw Jane again at a party, where I found out she had broken up with her boyfriend. A whole load of feelings surfaced again, but I played it cool & just chatted like a friend even though I wanted to tell her how I felt. We spent most of the evening together chatting & I'm pretty sure from signals (although not 100%) she still has feelings for me.
What I have with Alison is great & it's a solid relationship, but what I feel for Jane is that stupid unexplainable giddiness that I've come to decide must be love too - just in a different way. It's a very different relationship in that I feel Alison has stronger feelings for me than I do for her. With Jane it was the other way round. However, I do love Alison in the way that we work very well together & we understand each other deeply.
Although this sounds really bad, I believe I could spend my life with either girl: With Alison I'd be secure that she loved me to bits, but then would I regret not taking a chance on a person that could be my true love? With Jane I'd have the girl of my dreams, but I'd be scared that if things didn't work out I'd have thrown away a decent relationship. If I was confident things would work out I know I would choose Jane over Alison, which is a telling sign in my heart. However, if I knew for sure Jane didn;t want to give things a try I could happily continue life with Alison, safe with the knowledge I had at least asked.
There's many questions I've been pondering & things I'm scared of that are probably irrational as I don;t even know if Jane would consider giving us another try.
Should I tell Jane how I feel & see if she feels the same ?
What if she lies so that I don't have to hurt Alison.?
Would I be a hypocrite if Jane turned me down then I carry on seeing Alison ?
Am I being really unfair on Alison & should I just end it with her anyway ?
What if I wait too long, Jane might start seeing someone else & then I may never know - could I cope with a life of regret and unknown?!
It seems Im in love with two different people in different ways. The one I'm with I have a stable solid love with, & the one I'm not with I can't stop thinking about & gives me butterflies when I see her.
Should I take a chance & tell Jane, or appreciate I have Alison who loves me very much & push anyone else out of my mind ?