MissLB

Hi. I have a complex problem, not sure even where to start... so I will try at the beginning .. (this is background, to help understand present day problem) I was married to an abusive man, got away from him, went to a shelter. The abuse was intense, - he would come to my work and walk me out with a gun to my head, killed my animals in front of me, refused to let me go to my mother's funeral, etc. So, I am in a shelter, and I miss working, so I find a job as a waitress. It feels good to be around people again. I got kicked out (Yes, kicked OUT of a women's shelter) for missing curfew because of work ONE too many times. So ...The DJ and his wife were nice people, I had nowhere to live, and after a short time they invited me to stay with them for a few days. Things were so great that they asked me to move in, I paid rent etc and became part of their family. She had been trying to get pregnant for years, but Len didnt really want another kid, since he already had 2 from his previous marriage) They had a baby, and she (the dj's wife, I will call her Pauline) asked me to be their child's Godmother. I WAS THRILLED! (Wow, I am actually a part of a family now!!!) I said yes. Shortly after, Pauline decided to leave him (the dj, I will call him Len). Turns out Pauline had been planning to get pregnant then take off, her idea was it was a meal ticket.) Pauline also had a bit of a drinking problem, it was getting worse)So I stayed with Len, since we were good friends and we had no problems between us, and we talked well about most things. Pauline had essentially 'kidnapped' the child (I will call child Karen) so Len took legal action, and I stuck by his side. (He took me in!) Fast forward -> we won custody of Karen. Primarily because they thought I was a good female influence, and the child and I were very close... child was 3 at time) We went to mediation, all of that.. NOW... Len started expressing extreme anger and frustration, sporatically, I assumed it was from the breakup. Then I thought maybe it was anger with his mother (his mother refused to talk to him cus she thought Pauline was a hussy.. which she was, we found out, but no reason to not speak with your son) but anyway.. Anger built.... frustration built, and fast forward -> he decided to take it out on me. NOT PHYSICALLY. Emotionally. Yelling, insulting, etc. My first thoughts were, hmm, maybe he saw 'us' (me, him and kid Karen) as a family? But Len and I were not lovers, just friends..) I also wondered if maybe he resented me for helping win custody, since he noticed a large lack of freedom with child... Then I wondered if it was just because I was there (Ex husband was same that way only he hurt me physically AND emotionally) Fast forward -> I got a different job and all of a sudden I had a boyfriend, and guess what? LEN WAS JEALOUS. Aha!!! Now it has been 11 years, and Karen is suffering. Her mom, Pauline, sees her MAYBE 4 days a month. Her dad, Len, is a mess... he is so angry allll of the time......... he calls us names, he yells, he forgets what he says, he is completely agnry and frustrated... and he flips emotions like a coin.... you never know what Len you are gonna get, either the calm, sorry, vulnerable one(rare) or the beligerent, cussing, angry one.(often..) Len rarely sees Karen even though we live in same house. He sleeps. Last night he had this look in his eye, was almsot glazed. Ok .. it is established that .. A) Len has issues. B) Karen and I are extremely close. She has called me 'Mama' since she could talk. C) I wanna move out, bu tthat means Karen is left with Len....... he cannot raise her... I have raised her. Problem now is..... I have not enough money to fight for her, I havent got legal rights to the child, and she wants to be with me. I asked Len if I could take her with me to a place to help talk through her anger, and Len - well, he got mad. of course. I don't expect a magic solution, just understanding and perhaps some guidance. I am a very spiritual person and I believe in roots of evil being pulled.... this is one of my fave quotes "The average two-year-old is a great beacon for emotional health, displaying a full range of emotions and moving beyond them once they are expressed." But he (Len) nurtures his anger. It is starting to scare me and Karen... to the point we stay in our rooms until he leaves for work. He's never used force, but his words are very harmful. She is very angry at him and it is reflecting in her social life, which is very bad. She didn't ask to be born. This isnt fair to her.. or to me. But she comes first, I am with her all the time, I see her behaviour changing. *deep breath* Any ideas......... any at all? ](*,) Lyn