Zircon101

Ok, I'm back and I haven't really been responding lately because I've been busy with some stuff and also wanted to see how the situation would progress. The general concensus I got from this thread was to stay rather passive and express my feelings to both my mom and dad, which I had attempted. When I talked to my mom privately, she started to cry and ran to the bathroom to take a shower. I went to my dad, and he gave me his BS answer, which was just so vague--his response was more or less, "it's typical for Mom to get angry at me for a few days, but just give it a few days and she will be OK." So, all in all, he was not going to actually try and solve the problem, rather let the feelings pass by. I come back tonight in particular, because I have found out two devastating pieces of information. First, he is continuing his "affair" with not one Russian (or somewhere in the Slavic region) woman but various women. In my honest opinion, he is not mature enough to be seeking something emotional--and what he is basically doing is out of LUST NOT love. Again, that's my own personal opinion (after knowing him all my life). Secondly, he is getting money involved in the scene. He has contacted someone from the UK about "investing" in a business, but from the looks of it, the e-mail and operations seem extremely shady, and the man is asking for money, personal information, etc. My dad is not the sharpest tool in the shed, so he replied back to this man about the investment. On top of that, he has started a bank account (behind my mother's back). I'm under the impression that he started the bank account to share or give money to one of his Russian "friends", because she is the one who suggested it. I can't just sit here and try to "express my feelings" when no one is willing to listen, and I'm tired of getting advice that does not work for me. This is tough stuff, and I'm not only afraid that my parents' relationship will suffer, but I'm also afraid that he is getting scammed to one degree or another. HE HAS SENT OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION (BILLING INFORMATION, ETC.) to strangers. What am I supposed to do? I'm sorry for seeming very angry and annoyed (I know you're all just trying to help), but I don't want something horrible to happen and have my parents lose our house, life savings, etc. because I took the advice of a bunch of strangers from a forum. I'm sorry.

The thing is, whenever my parents get into a serious argument (which is actually very, very rare--aside from the time my mom confronted my dad, I can't remember the last time they were really angry with each other), they don't actually apologize. Rather, they just go on with their lives, as if nothing had happened. The same thing is happening here: my dad continues to use the computer endlessly, and my mom might suspect something's happening, she is just looking the other way, for now at least. I know there is something seriously wrong with this, but I haven't built up the courage to say anything aloud. However, I have promised to myself that I will never (or at least try with all my heart) end an argument or disagreement without a resolution and apology, when I am married. My dad is not purposely being open about the saved pictures of other women, rather he is a little oblivious. I think he suspects that I'll either a) not know what's going on or b) pretend it's not there or look the other way. As far as I know, the only exchange of e-mails was with the Russian woman, but I have seen pictures of other women saved on his computer (I wasn't snooping, rather he was asking me how to do something, and with the two of us there, a folder with the pictures came up when we were searching for the desired folder). I can't confirm, however whether or not the mini "e-affair"--which could not have been more than tenuous at best, I need to add--is still existent. Honestly, I do not want to, in any way, constrain my own father's use of the computer. He is not a child and I am not his parent. He does use the computer for "cleaner" interests, like reading about cars, the news, etc. It just angers me that with the good, there is 'evil'--for a lack of a better word. Although a "normal" family does not exist, I feel like our situation needs some extra consideration, because it's difficult to really describe the relationship between me and my parents. Sorry for ranting on and on now--just trying to add as much detail to really illustrate the situation. Thanks again.

I would first like to thank you guys for your timely and helpful replies. Upon reading my last post, I sound harsher than I probably needed to, but my parents and I probably have a more different relationship than most teenagers with their parents. I'm 18 years old (will be going to college in only a few short months), but my parents and I look at each other very equally, and I feel I am more mature than most 18 year olds--I am self-disciplined, responsible, level-headed, and open-minded. For this, my parents take my word seriously, as I do theirs. I admit I was speaking out of anger when I told him that we should put the computer in a more open area or that I would probably have to disable the use of the computer. The reasoning for this is not just because of my suspicion that this "e-affair" is continuing, but also because my mom had told me that he is spending a lot of time at work (they work together in the same store) napping because of lack of sleep the night before (from using the computer for e-mails or what have you). It might be hard to believe, and it's probably even less plausible-seeming coming from an 18-year-old kid who claims to be mature, but my dad really is immature at times. He just cannot control himself when it comes to using the computer. Without going into too much detail, he also conducts other aspects of his life with the attitude that he is always right (sometimes they are little things that just annoy us, but sometimes they are big things--like the "e-affair" that he had had before). I like to think my parents spend a good amount of time together (outside of work; at work, they more or less see each other the entire 9 hours each day). They play tennis on the weekends, they play with my dog together, and they will spend Sundays doing yardwork together. I just don't know what to do. I can't just tell my mom to confront him again, if he has stopped with the "affair", because I'm not even sure if it is still going on. Help!

My mother and I discovered a few months ago that my father had been exchanging e-mails with a woman in Russia a few months ago. My father and this woman had exchanged pictures of themselves, referred to each other as "honey" or "sweetheart", and had probably been talking about more serious matters. My mother, who had probably suspected from the start, confronted my father a few months ago and threatened to tell his relatives about it, if he continued. She got really angry for that single night, and we never talked about it again. Unsurprisingly, my dad went straight to the computer later that night (probably to e-mail his "girlfriend"). Lately, I noticed that he still has saved pictures of various women, and whenever I walk into the room, I sometimes see him reading dating profiles of other women. I've tried to look the other way, because I'm too afraid to confront him myself, but tonight, I gave him an ultimatum (although I did not say it was because of the "e-affair" that I suspect he is still having): either he needed to stop using the computer so often (he uses it several hours per night) or we move the computer to the living room, where he won't be able to write these types of e-mails so freely (and hope he stops). I don't know how serious this is, but my mother recently discovered that my dad had started his own bank account--which is unnecessary, because my parents share their bank accounts and make it very open what goes in and what goes out. Unfortunately, my dad had started this bank account without acknowledging my mom, and my mom had not confronted him yet, because she wants to make sure she is not making a mistake before blaming him for saving money for his "girlfriends". I really don't know what to do at this point, and I'm kind of just afraid to confront him about it. I'm thinking about just terminating (using some sort of password or something, because he's not that skilled with the computer--he just checks e-mails, websites, etc.) the use of his computer, as an easier, quicker solution. And I don't know if this is serious enough to really get counseling for. I also think I might just log onto his computer one day when he's not home to make sure that the questionable e-mails have stopped. Thanks in advance for any insight. P.S.- Is it possible that this is part of a "mid-life crisis". Anyone who was in (or currently in) a similar situation, I would greatly appreciate any input. Thanks.