fireinmybelly

I can relate completely, pablovblack (except for the having him back in a flash part). Any time I've ever felt the urge to contact him at all, I just remind myself that if he ever HAS missed me it's never once been enough to get him to pick up the phone! Stops me dead in my tracks every single time. ghrrrr. At first I hated him for it (okay. every now and then still), but most of the time it just reinforces what I already know intellectually which is that he's someone I need NOT be in a romantic relationship with. Love the stages of healing, ShaKe. Thanks for that.

Thanks for your replies. It really helps to get perspective from others. To play devil's advocate... I just wondered if they're right in some way. Maybe hanging on to hatred for him says to the world that I respect myself and that I don't believe I deserve that kind of treatment. But if I'm friends or friendly with this guy I just think that people will judge me and ask why.

A few days ago I went out with some girlfriends and the subject of my ex came up. The way they were talking it seems everyone assumes that I hate him or implied that I should hate him. At times I do. He broke up with me. In the last couple of weeks we went out he was thoughtless and inconsiderate. So I can see where they're coming from. But part of me still misses him and wants to be friends. I don't have contact with him now, but am open to initiating contact sometime in the future when I get more distance. I don't know why I'm even considering being friends with someone who was kind of a jerk to me. But he wasn't always a jerk. For the most part we got on okay. The way I see it, we just weren't right for each other, and he said it first. True. He picked a cowardly, immature way of going about it. Does it make me a doormat that I don't hate him? How long am I supposed to go on being mad at him?

Thanks to all of you for your replies. I don't get the game stuff, though. It's not like I'd be misleading him or toying with his feelings by contacting him. He's not given indication that he wants to pursue a relationship with me. He's up for casual dating at most. But what's the point is a good question. I guess the point is I miss him and it'd be nice to have him in my life - even just as friends. I know it's not headed anywhere, but it's not like I wanna marry him either. I think we both realize that we aren't "the one" for each other. But if it's true that a guy doesn't value a girl's friendship after breaking up with them, then that definitely makes me think twice about the whole thing. And Serenity's so right, anyway, I know. I should probably wait until friendship is my only motive because as things stand when I think that he doesn't miss me the same way, that I'm probably the last thing on his mind, and that he's moving on not looking back, well, those thoughts really sting.

Hmm. Heads. that means I should contact him.

My ex and I dated for 4-1/2 mos. We've been broken up for 3-1/2 mos. He's not called me since. He did email a few times and we saw each other once in passing. He's never said that he misses me, or that he wants me back, or that he wants to talk, or anything like that. He did bring up getting together (in a group setting) twice but I said no. I didn't want us to break up but I brought it up because I felt like he wasn't that into me. He chose to end it and said that I wasn't what he was looking for. I never called or initiated contact with him after that. I think the reason I want to get back in touch is to see if we can be friends. I know he'd respond. But I admit part of me also wants to show him he's wrong for not wanting me. There's times when I think I don't care if I ever see him again and others when I feel a real strong urge to get in touch. So what should I do? Contact him or leave it alone? What would I say?