thelostpoet

Wow, thanks everyone who read and who responded. I really appreciate these words of wisdom, from such varied points of views and experiences. For the moment, I'm going to try to make this work. I will give it my best shot. If things don't work out and I still get this strange "vibe" I've been getting, I suppose I'll have to move on. Its so sad, how all ths happened overnight and now I barely recognize our relationship. No putting the genie back in the bottle, but still, I can at least try to work with what I have. I've been on the verge of giving up before (granted, not as much as I am now), and have always been glad I stayed in the long run. Someone asked if he had dated other people before me. He's only been in one other relationship, which didn't really teach him much. He also attended an all-male high school, which I know doesn't help with his communication with me. Another thing is that his parents made it a point not to get married and have kids until they were in their mid-30s. Nothing wrong with that, but I think thats a major reason why he is SO paranoid about anything that smacks of "commitment." My family, on the hand, thinks that you are nothing unless you have "a man to take care of you." Even though I think this is rubbish, I can't help but wonder if thats why I get so panicky whenever I feel a relationship of mine is changing or perhaps coming to an end. Oh well, thats another topic for another forum. Anyways, like I said, thanks again for your help. I'm sure I'll be back again soon.

My ex also ignores me on his instant messenger, but I don't really take it personally, its bc his current gf is uncomfortable with him chatting with his exes online (even tho the conversations we'd have online were nothing to write home about!) I'm not saying she's necessarily dating someone else, just trying to point out there could be a myriad of reasons why she's not responding. I say, ask her out! I almost think if she was wanting to totally avoid you online, she would have put you on her "block" list. She could be like me and forget she had it on, come back to a whole bunch of messages.

Hello everyone, thanks so much for taking the time to read about my situation. I'm 24 and my boyfriend of one year is 22 years old. He still lives with Mom and Dad, but is now at the point where he can move out and get his own place. I've noticed since he's gotten this job that he's been acting a little...odd. I knew there was something wrong, but couldn't put my finger on it. A few days later, he finally told me what it was: he is scared to death of me moving in. The weird thing is, I haven't been pressuring him about it! I could understand it if I had been like "Hey! I want to move in with you and have all your babies!" But I never did, he is paranoid even without me putting the pressure on him. So when I asked him to explain his sudden panic, he said he was afraid we were "losing our bond." That was news to me. Then the conversation got stranger. He told me that he had been "thinking about seeing other people." He told me he had (I'm serious) had a dream about women he had been attracted to in the past and this is what made him begin to consider this idea. Needless to say, I'm pretty shocked at this point. I asked him if dating other people is what he really wanted to do, and he said no, he only wants to date me, it was just something he "considered...but didn't like the idea." I asked him why he would bother to tell me he was thinking that then, to which he said "Look, I was just trying to be honest in every way." I think if you don't "mean" it, you shouldn't say it, for some things just can't be taken back. When I asked him to explain how he could consider it if he didn't really want to, he said "I'm just feeling panicky. I feel like its all going so fast, and that you may be "the one" and you may be the last person I ever date." And I swear, for the whole two hours that "we" talked, that was the only half-way coherent thing he said, the rest was "I don't know" and "I'm just confused." A day passes. I thought about how much I love him, but how unexpected and out of the blue this convo was. When he came over to talk, he seemed in such good spirits, almost like nothing had happened. He said I was the only person in the world for him, he loves me soooo much, and can't imagine life without me. But I am wary -- isn't that understandable? I began to wonder how I can live with such unpredictability and insecurity. I mean, if we were to go on the way we were (and....(here's the classic)...I thought we were happy), I'd be worried all the time that I'm not enough for him. After all, if he feels this way now, at 22, without me putting any pressure on him, then how will he feel five, ten years from now? Am I supposed to really believe that suddenly his "panic" is really over? I have a feeling it doesn't work that way, but could be wrong. So the next day I told him (while my heart was breaking) that I thought maybe he should try it, maybe he really should just go out there and see what its like, to date other people. His reaction, once again, was unexpectedly odd. He acted like he couldn't believe I'd seriously suggest such a thing, said he felt sick, and pretty much bolted out the door. So now I'm asking all of you...what do you make of this? Did I overreact? I don't even know how to approach this anymore. And asking him how he feels is of no use...he only says he's "confused." And that's it. That's why this post is under "rel communication" and not "rel commitment." He throws all this stuff at me, then shuts down and won't tell me why. To make matters worse, he gets VERY chilly when I try to tell him how afraid, insecure and miserable all this makes me feel. In some ways that is the worst, how he can say all this, take it back, then be cold. What should I do? I'm at a loss.