fifregister

yeah i'm a serial monogamist....i'd been in 3 long-term relationships back to back in the last 8 years (with maybe a few weeks to a couple of months in between each)

i'm not used to casually dating for a very long time. i pulled it off for about 3 weeks and now can only concentrate on this one guy.

i want to - and need to - be single for awhile. but i can't help getting all worked up and emotionally involved if i'm dating someone i like. as soon as i like someone, i start to get ahead of myself. it's as if whoever i'm seeing at the moment is the bird in the hand and i don't want to let go to search for something better.

this dating thing is harder than it seems! not caring is very hard. maybe i do prefer serious relationships because they ease my anxiety. i'm also kind of terrified of feeling lonely.

how do you guys work through this? i haven't had to deal with this since the past relationships always served as a buffer

i've attempted to approach dating with a more carefree attitude, but i get worked up sooner or later. i always second-guess myself, even if i know i just want to be friends (telling myself "hey maybe it could work, if only..."). AND as soon as i even remotely like somebody, i become frantic and scared.

these panic attacks are killing me!

i'm backing off and going to try to focus on myself. but i'm scared that he'll think i'm not interested (he's called me out on my acting aloof). on the other hand, i don't want to cling (any initiation on my part causes me to feel like a clinger). is there a win out of this?

thanks for your responses guys.

i'm aware that i'm not ready. this guy had once asked me to be his girlfriend. i told him i'm not ready.

but at the same time, i want to be ready because the opportunity presents itself. in any case, i just want to be able to hang out without expectations and have fun. it was possible for the first month (he's 18 years older and i pretty much saw no future). now it's creating anxiety because i actually like him, and i'm so afraid.

now that i feel he's pulling back or possibly losing interest, i'm going into a frenzy (discreetly of course). i just don't know what to do with myself. should i initiate contact or just wait til he calls?

i'd been seeing a therapist and he recommends that i try antidepressants because i might be biologically wired to be worrisome and prone to anxiety.

what are your thoughts?

i'd broken up with a boyfriend of 2.5 years four months ago. more than 2 months of NC.

trying to date around. i was casually dating a few guys for a few weeks or so. recently dropped all of them but one whom i actually like.

the problem is that i try to maintain my distance, but i end up getting more emotionally involved than i had planned to. i'm starting to feel some attachment to this person, and it's been 2 months since i met him.

this is probably a projection of my feelings towards my ex on to somebody else. i'm experiencing A LOT of anxiety and panic attacks. feeling really insecure and worried. i'm terrified of abandonment and that i will never hear from this new guy again.

i saw him on sunday. he hasn't contacted me at all today and i'm on pins and needles. i get extremely worried and antsy (i don't act on it of course). i know better than to act out and cling, but how do i get rid of this anxiety??? what if the new guy never calls again? i'm worried that i had suggested getting together sometime this week, which might've turned him off.

Growing up, I've always witnessed explosive fights between my parents. I left home for college and am now working in a city 400 miles away. My younger brother, who is about to enter high school, still lives with them.

I came home to visit recently and witnessed another noisy fight between them tonight. It went on for several hours and they're talking about divorce.

My brother disclosed that they'd also fought a couple of days before I arrived, where my mother threatened to kill herself. My dad tried to stop her and she bit him. My brother tried to stop her by kicking her.

This is unbelievably disturbing to me. Knowing that these violent fights occur on almost a weekly basis while I'm away saddens and shocks me. I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty because I live far away and can't intervene. I don't want my brother to be caught up in this because he is so young. I don't want my parents to tear each other apart like this. I feel so powerless and sad...What am I to do? What should I do? What could I do?

go to the beach, dave & buster's, bars, restaurants, malls & dsw shoe sales on sat & sunday around noon time. btw, coffee shops aren't just for drinking coffee, grab some tea or something.

i'm a normal girl and that's where i usually hang out. i'm from so cal too so i know that's where my girl friends also hang out.

out of curiosity, i'd gone on craigslist, but was turned off by the number of weird & sexual posts. some pervs just ruin it for everybody.

you guys are the greatest! i'm newly back in the game and usu. have no clue how to deal with the nuances of dating.

thanks annie24. i did suspect that that kind of speech is a little presumptuous. i'll try not to do it until a little later. i just don't want him to think i'm rude and that i'm constantly moving him around at my convenience...

in any case, i cancelled our dinner for today and made plans for tomorrow instead.

I went on a date with a very cute guy on Monday. Ended up drunk at my place. Made out. Nothing else. He stayed over. Ended up hanging out the next afternoon too. Dropped him home. He called a few hours later to see if I wanted to hang out later that same night. I texted him that I was tired and couldn't make it but had a good time.

He called yesterday and wanted to have dinner today. I was wishy washy and said I might have to do something, but will let him know.

I like him, but this is getting a little too much. What is he thinking?

How do I tell him that I'm not looking for anything serious? Is that presumptuous to say this early on? How do I deliver the "give me space" talk without sounding like a jerk?

eeew...i'm having a similar problem and don't quite know how to deal with it.

i'm casually seeing a MUCH older (he's in his 40s, i'm in my 20s), MUCH wealthier guy who is kind of business-like about money. i don't know if he's on the lookout for gold diggers or he's just kind of a tightwad. anyway, i usually offer to pay at least my share, but if i don't he slips in half-joking comments like "you think money grows on trees?" etc., which make me uncomfortable. i'd even paid for both of us the last time we went out. it just feels strange for me to be paying for someone who's so much older and more established. with his salary, what's a few bucks? is it right for an older man to let a younger girl pay for him? not sure if i should dump him.

i'm also casually seeing a MUCH poorer younger guy who insists on paying for most things. again, i always attempt to pay for my share, but it just seems so much more gentlemanly and thoughtful.

content blocking for mozilla....hmm...i'll figure it out and get back to you guys.

PLEASE DON'T do this to yourself anymore. begin NC NOW. it will be hard, and it will hurt a lot initially, but you won't be creating anymore trouble for yourself. what's more important now than for you to recover and feel better? why is it so hard for you to follow through with NC?

i'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through, and don't have much advice except that you must cut her out of your life completely. trust me, i had tremendous trouble with NC, but it's helped me gather back the pieces of my life. recovery will be slow and painful, but a sure thing if you remove the source of your pain.

After a date, I went home and checked my email. Was surprised to see an email from the ex (after a month of absolute NC). He wanted to hang out. Attached some sentimental letter (content of the letter seemed pretty focused on himself tho).

I ignored the email and moved it to some folder which I won't look at again.

Later in the day, got a text message from the ex. Said he was sorry about the email, he was drunk and will try not to let it happen again. Yeah, good one.

No reaction from me. He's done this before and I, out of hope & sadness & love for him, had previously responded to his little gesture.

I cried after reading his email, but I'm determined to get on with my life. I don't want to be pulled into the hellish pain I'd gone through for the past months.

His little half-hearted attempt for attention is just going to be a small bleep in the back of my mind.

didyoumissme - judging from what you want, you seem much better now than before. proud of you for putting yourself first. losing him does not matter; you'll find yourself and that's a precious thing.

you guys are doing great. keep up the good work. believe me, it does wonders for your self-respect and dignity. you'll feel so much better for staying strong.

day 25 for me and still have no intention of calling. i realized that some things are just not worth it. still have terrible days sometimes, but hanging on to nc because it's all i got.

sun kissed - you're totally right. we women tend to overanalyze and create expectations too early on. i've made that mistake in the past. it's hard to learn sometimes...

maverick32x - it' really not that big a deal. but i'm one of those hypersensitive types. i get hurt easily. although, i do get over most things quite easily too. just wasn't prepared for rejection.

anyway, he emailed later in the day and asked if i wanted to meet up. i guess i'll have to see. i might be back on this forum in a couple of days, lol.

maverick32x, so do you think the ball is in my court or his?

i'm just trying to gauge his level of interest based on contact, or lack thereof.

just wanna spare myself from bruising my own ego...

i'm staying in town for at least another month before my next trip.

if he really wanted to see me, wouldn't he try to contact me by now? am i supposed to be the next to say something?

i hate the waiting game. i just don't understand guys. i get hit on by lots of men but as soon as it's someone i'm mildly interested in, it goes no where.

thanks guys for your insight & support.

should i drop him another email or just drop it?

i met this guy 2 weeks ago at a restaurant. much older (i think about 15 yrs difference) but very cute. after a lot of staring and smiling, he came up to me and asked if i wanted to have lunch sometimes. i said sure, but i was leaving town for business the next day.

anyway when i was out of town, we exchanged many flirtatious emails. he asked if i was seeing anyone (i said no, he also said he's not seeing anyone), said he wished i was in town, etc.

well, i came back to town this weekend. he knows i'm back. on thu, wrote him a quick email saying i'm coming back, to which he responded to have a safe trip. no word from him since thu. he has my contact info.

should i write this one off?

what's up with guys showing interest then disappearing into thin air?

hi lovelynns...i'm sorry to tell you that right now, there is nothing you could do to get rid of the pain. time will eventually ease the pain, but there is no short way of doing this. believe me, i drove myself into a frenzy trying to find a solution and some way to make the hurt disappear.

i know how awful it is because i'm right there with you. the pain is your heart & mind's way of starting the healing process. to heal, you first have to hurt, and sometimes really really badly. just try to be gentle with yourself and ride it out.

Pikey1972--no prob. i'm very glad you find it useful =)

how to block your ex's website from your computer

1. open up internet explorer

2. click on tools-->internet options

3. the "internet options" window will open

4. click on the "content" tab

5. click on the "enable" button under the "content advisor" button

6. click on the "approved sites" tab

7. in the text box under "Allow this Web site", type in the website url of the ex (for example: "link removed"

8. click on "Never"

9. click on "apply"

10. a window will open to prompt you to "Create supervisor password"

11. create password, or have a friend create it for you

12. in the "hint" text box, type something that will prevent you from trying to go there...eg: "don't do it!"

13. click on "ok"

14. next time you try to go to that page, a dialog box should pop up and prompt for a supervisor password.

15. rinse, lather, repeat for all web sites with their pics/profiles/blogs/life

i'm typing this because i'm fighting the temptation to visit the ex's myspace. haven't done so for over 2 weeks and don't want to ruin my good NC record.

he contacted one of my friends on myspace, for whatever reason. she informed me of this. i told her just don't tell me anything about him anymore, ever.

i'm trying to disconnect and sever all connections, why did he have to indirectly sneak in and ruin my process of disremembering?

what the hell does he want by contacting my friend? he really disliked her and said loads of crap about her when we were together.

didyoumissme--i know how much you want to know that he cares, and all your gestures come from the love & care YOU have. but you're right, you should stop. you're really wishing him happy birthday twice already. he knows you care. it seems that you're hanging on to that connection you have with him with these gestures for his birthday. it's a special day for him, but it shouldn't be an excuse to keep you from moving on with your life.

i know how tough it can be. i've tried NC a couple of times and broke it. each time i ended up more hurt & felt crappier about myself. this time, it's been 2 weeks and i feel much better. remember that nothing is more important than YOU, not his birthday, not whether he cares, etc. you have to put yourself, your life, your own feelings, and your dignity first....the sooner the better.

k...i've done...11 days of NC now. It was hard the first couple of attempts, and hurt really bad the first couple of days of NC this time, but it's been relatively easy compared to the hell I went through 2 months ago. Maybe this will help you.

1. wait first. suppressing that desire to call is gonna make your body & heart feel a lot of tension and result in the opposite effect. tell yourself that it's not the end of the world if you call...but make yourself wait a few hours, after a few hours, tell yourself to wait a few more, etc.

2. get away from the phone. get out of the house and jog, do whatever it takes to change the setting you were in when you got the impulse to call. similarly, distract yourself by doing something else (shop, watch tv, eat, read a book, play video games, etc.)

3. imagine the conversation you'd have & all the negative things that can come out of that conversation. you'd get rejected again and feel that it's really over, this time, again! you'd find out that they have found someone! you'd find out that they haven't found anyone, but still don't want you back!

4. think of all the crappy things they've ever done to you. relive each moment. feel the sadness, pain, anger, frustration they'd put you through.

5. call someone else! go down your phone list and call someone til they pick up. talking to another person will let you vent and release some of those feelings of frustrations, sadness, despair, etc.

6. learn to let your feelings and impulses pass. every intense emotion stays in your body for a period of time and eventually decrease in intensity. this relates to step 1-wait it out.

7. take it easy on yourself and live through it each second at a time.

i have really had little desire to call him in the last 11 days. i have conditioned myself to view communication with him as a negative stimulus that will only bring shock, depression, despair, and rejection. i miss him terribly, of course. but missing the relationship when it was good & the loving person he once was, is different from wanting to seek out the source of all my pain.

please convince yourself that contact will only bring more sorrow into your life. you cannot bring your former life back by contacting them. once you're convinced of this fact...you will be prepared for NC.