fifregister

hey pavloblack--how you doin?

here's some gut-wrenching songs for ya...sometimes i do listen to them to jerk out the tears when i'm completely numb, which might be even scarier than pain...

Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

Title & Registration - Death Cab for Cutie

Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

I Don't Know You Anymore - Savage Garden

searching1951--alcohol can plunge you into that pit of depression, hang in there though. terrible days are often followed by less terrible days....congrats on making it through 9 weeks of NC, you're a very strong person.

been having so many highs and lows that i forgot to count. went out with some girl friends last night and got hit on by very very attractive lawyer. felt pretty giddy and confirmed to myself that i've still got it.

then woke up this morning and feel that the dating game is so meaningless. miss my relationship terribly. miss the intimacy & comfort, miss the bond & connection between us. start to think that most guys out there are just driven to talk to girls by looks and wanna hit and quit.

felt like crap. feel torn between saying forget it all and have fun, and searching for something deeper that i might never find. i miss him so much.

this is a good distractor....

wistful breakup songs:

One-U2

Here Without You-3 Doors Down

The Way We Were-Barbra Streisand

I Don't Know You Anymore-Savage Garden

hopeful/encouraging breakup songs:

Pass You By-Boyz II Men

Hero-Mariah Carey

Enough Cryin-Mary J Blige

When It Hurts So Bad-Lauryn Hill

This is the Moment-Jekyll & Hyde Soundtrack

Greatest Love of All-Whitney Houston

renaissancewoman101--thanks for the good tips. i have done this twice and had so much trouble. i will be more determined this time.

dako--the nc was the last thing i could've proatively done to feel like i have some control. i would've felt so much better feeling that i'm doing something for myself. i wanted to be able to walk away with dignity and my pride intact. after his text message, i feel that the last bit of control i had was gone. he is now in control of everything. he's now imposing nc, in addition to being the person to walk away. his preempt to strike makes me feel unwanted, rejected, and a little humiliated..

i really gotta follow through with this nc thing....all i've done was put myself through repeated rejection and pain.

he's now imposing nc on me...how terrible of a feeling to have the door i was about to close slam on me.

i told him that we should not be in contact for awhile. but i wanted a last conversation that day so called him. it wasn't a very good one because we argued and he wanted to go.

later i rang him up once with the intention of making peace and end it on a good note. no pick up.

he later texted that he can't talk to me. that he wants to be with me but it won't work.

this of course brought up intense feelings of further abandonment and pain....i couldn't sleep all night.

i know how you feel.

one of my ex boyfriends physically abused me and always made me feel insecure and unwanted. though i was able to walk away from that relationship, i had jumped into another one too quickly without thinking. as a result, i'd put up walls and sabotaged some of the good in the next relationship.

now i'm going through another breakup and it's leading me to feel jaded and not wanting to trust again.

but it helps to remember that our vulnerability makes us human and opening up allows us to let in wonderful new experiences and lessons. forget and forgive past mistakes and just let yourself naturally heal with time...

i have tried nc 2 times and gave in each time.

i've viewed this as an addiction but crave what we had so much that even hanging out for a few minutes numbs the pain.

i have tried to face the pain and let go, but the road ahead seems so difficult and i'm afraid of being alone.

i thought about nc again, but don't know if i'm ready to follow through completely this time.

we've had a discussion.

he said that he still loves me very much, but that getting back together right now would be a bad idea because we're bound to fall back into the old ways.

i think it makes sense and i agree with him. but some part of me just wants to try again immediately.

i've spent the last two months trying to process every single feeling i have. i'm exhausted and drained...

sometimes i feel like i've done everything...i flew 5000 miles away where my cell phone didn't work and internet access was limited. i went out every night til 3am. hung out with friends, with other guys. took up karate. worked 10-12 hour days.

couldn't get him out of my head....the more i ran away, the more the past seemed to catch up with me. in the end, broke no-contact when i came back into town.

i am normally a person of tremendous self-discipline, but this appears to be my achilles heel. i wish i could be much stronger than this

It's been 2 months since I broke up with the ex.

After breaking up with him, I tried to convince him to give the relationship one more chance, to which he said no.

Went back and forth between self-imposed no contact, but couldn't bring myself to cut connections for more than a couple of weeks.

Now I'm hanging out with him again on a regular basis. Half hoping that things would once again work out between us. Half knowing that i made the right decision to break up and happy that I'm single.

Is this unhealthy? I think that NC might be the best, but I tried and tried and couldn't. I was pretty much manic depressive when I cut contact. What do I do?

thanks syrix--you seem like a level-headed, strong person with sound advice. seeing that nc worked for you gives me hope. i so want to have your mentality right now...don't want to suffer any more.

disappointed at myself for breaking no contact.

tried nc twice. each time managed not to speak for about a week. once he showed up at my house crying and saying sorry that he's let me down, but that it's for the best. this time i called him to confront him about this he-said-she-said stuff.

sometimes, immediately after talking to him, i'm reminded of why we shouldn't be together, feel good about my decision, and feel much stronger. then a couple of days later feel like crap. the pain is sometimes terrifying. why?

how do you guys manage to do it? i'd been taking it one day at a time, but often times, couldn't even claw my way out of the pain of one single day.

had the worst time since the breakup last night. called my friend, the "bearer of bad news" who said that it sounds like he's moved on, that he's not thinking about this breakup and i should do the same. that hurt more than anything, especially since she volunteered the information out of the blue and i was fine before hearing it. not that i don't plan to move on and haven't been trying with all my might, but because i felt that our relationship was so insignificant to him that he can let go so easily. some part of me still wants to know that he wants me still, that a part of him still can't move on. certainly, i'm torn up about this every single day.

i resisted calling him until this morning. i just felt the most urgent need to confront him and seek answers rather than get torn up over indirect communication via a third party (this friend of mine is not the most perceptive person and loves drama, although she just wants to help).

he said that she's using his words in the wrong context, and that i should know better. he said that of course he misses me and that this is a huge deal to him.

i had to go so i said i'd talk to him later.

i've calmed down a bit after talking. it made me feel more at ease. but think that this is completely bad because it's reinforcing my need to get reassurance from him.

i was able to maintain NC for 10 days, and it was pretty damn difficult. i feel this constant need to discuss, confront, justify, get reassurance, prove myself, etc.

am i hurting so much because he's the one? or am i hurting because he's not?

i know NC is probably the best in the long run, but not sure how to stop my obsessive self.

i just came back from a night out..danced with some guys but at the end of the night feel more lonely and sadder than ever...

i feel so much like calling him...

I know the reasons to break up are significant. I've known this for some time now. Applying my logic hasn't proven to work in making things easier, however. Doing the right thing has been extremely difficult.

I still feel so torn because I still love him so much. He was the closest person to me and I now have a huge void in my life. Sometimes my emotions take a hold of me and I can't get out of this horrible pit of depression.

REASONS FOR BREAKUP

According to him:

1. We don't have the same goals and priorities--He wants to get married and have kids early (ie: within a year). I want to go to MBA school and focus on a career first (because I want to be well-prepared to provide for a family).

2. We're completely different people--(I'm literary, over-achieving, reflective, sensitive. He's fun-loving, reckless, has a general "whatever happens happens" attitude, not much of a thinker.)

3. I will be happier--he's not the one to give me what I need in the long run

According to me:

1. He has a gambling addiction and I don't want to risk my future with someone like that. He's lost $20000 3 years ago. He's cut down a lot but has not stopped and doesn't think it's a problem.

2. We're completely different people--I often feel that he's immature and insensitive and that we're on completely different wavelengths. I ponder about existentialism, he blanks out.

3. I'm constantly thinking that I deserve better--I once stood in the rain for 1/2 hour to wait for a bus that didn't come. I called him to pick me up (he was 1 mile away) and he was unwilling.

REASONS TO STAY

According to him:

1. We shouldn't be together

2. But sometimes he thinks that we broke up over many little reasons and that maybe we can be together later, just not now

According to me:

1. We had such a good thing during the first half--we travelled together, had great sex, he knows how to lighten me up and makes me laugh in any situation. Why can't we get that back?

2. We invested 3 years of time, energy, emotions, and a lot of other things--we lived together, he got me pregnant by accident (I miscarried), he helped me get over my previous physically abusive relationship.

3. I love him and want to be able to be happy with him.

I'm 5000 miles from home, from him, but I can't escape my thoughts and my own tears. I'm so lonely and can't turn to my friends because they've heard this a billion times before....

About 5 weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. Right after I ended things, I experienced such excruciating pain and realized how much I still love him and want to be with him. So I tried to ask him to give it one more chance and work things out, to which he said no.

That just shook me to the core. Throughout our relationship, he was always the one to seem more committed. It was his idea for us to move in together a year ago. But things got so bad, we moved out (also his idea). A couple of days later after moving out, I ended things.

Although I was the initiator, I felt that I was forced to make the decision, and feel helpless because I can no longer turn back either. I just feel like the rug's been pulled from under me. For the most part, I think that it's the right decision. It must have been, because something drove me to end it. I was so frustrated, disappointed, and angry when I lived with him. He seemed to stop trying. After the breakup, he insisted, time and time again, that I am the best girl he's ever met, that I'm perfect and deserve the best, and will be happier in the long run. I feel that it's a cop-out and sometimes have this terrible thought that he didn't love me enough.

There's nothing in the world I want more than for him to have the desire and the devotion to work things out between us. But he says there's nothing to work on.

I tried no contact for a week and a half. He showed up to my apartment at 4AM one morning drunk and sobbing. Of course, one thing led to another and I relapsed and we had sex and started hanging out again. I didn't want to get back in the same relationship, but wanted to be near him so much.

I then tried no contact again. Now it's been a week and I'm hurting, bad. I spoke to my friend and she mentioned that she had chatted with him and he seemed fine. In fact he said something along the lines of, "I only want her back when I'm drunk and she's wearing tight clothes.."

That just brought me back 10 steps. I'm once again a wreck. Bewildered and so hurt and upset that he can be so callous and immature. Angry and want to call and confront him and hurt him.

Been able to resist the temptation and still have had no contact with him.

I just want peace again. I want to let it all go, but the pain is not subsiding. I feel so terribly alone and I'm losing grip. I do everything in my power to stay busy, hang out with people, and try to have a good time out. Plenty of guys express interest, but it makes me even sadder. After all the tasks of distracting myself are done, and when the sun goes down, I feel that I'm facing a huge empty universe and that I can never find love.