Sammy28

Thanks Littlefeet...you're right, I think we did date a similar type guy, but the guy I dated had lots of friends. However, a lot of these friends drink and party a lot, it seems. So it's not like he's getting away from any of the bad influences. I like to drink...it's when it becomes too often that it's a problem. He just seems to do it too much... And the thing is, he's not unhappy when he's drinking...he was always good to me. But I know he's drinking too much because he often has hangovers on the weekends...and we're not in college anymore, so that's not good. Oh yeah, his brother's now ex girlfriend emailed me today. I didn't know they had broken up and she didn't know we had broken up. Her reason for breaking up with my ex's brother? Well, she said he had a drinking problem and he got moody and introverted so she couldn't date him anymore. And seeing that his parents also drink too much...I believe it runs in the family sometimes. I think my ex needs to get himself together and stop doing the things that could eventually destroy him. Maybe he realizes this and doesn't want to drag me into it..and that's why he broke up with me. Who knows...but yeah, it's out of my control and does make me feel a little better about moving on.... I need to find someone more stable who will deal with problems in an adult way. It's too bad because my ex is a really good guy in so many ways....but obviously not in the ways I need him to be....he just can't be a good boyfriend. He did a good job of seeming like he could be for a while though...only now am I seeing the red flags that I ignored when we were dating. Seems like love is blind sometimes...

Thank you both for your responses. I have thought a lot about why this might have happened and I've realized that like you said Littlefeet, it probably has nothing to do with me, but has to do with his own issues. My ex once told me he had an addictive personality and he should know because he studied psychology and sociology. I looked up 'addictive personality' and found that it means you feel wonderful when everything is going great, but once there is the slightest problem, you retreat and avoid issues instead of dealing with them. You are addicted to the high...for example, the high of a new relationship. Well, I must also say that in his last relationship...one that lasted over 4 years...they had broken up and gone back out a few times. If that is the way he deals with a problem...breaking up and going back out..well, I want none of that. Maybe he thinks we'll be together again once he resolves any of these issues he has, but I'm not in high school...I won't break up and go back out with someone multiple times. But anyway, I agree that he might have an addictive personality...he smokes, I don't. In my opinion he drinks too much...and I never really confronted him on it, but looking back, I think that's true. He had jokingly made some comment a week before our breakup saying, I'll never live to 80 years old. And I said, well, maybe if you stopped smoking you would....and he was like, I wouldn't have to quit just that...I'd have to stop drinking too. Why would you need to stop drinking if you didn't have a drinking problem? Maybe he thinks he has a problem, but can't admit it?? Anyway, I think if he had never quit smoking (although he said he wanted to...didn't seem like he wanted to try anytime soon though), that could have become a big issue. I would never want to get married to someone if I had to think that maybe someday they would die from lung cancer. And although I enjoy going out and getting drinks with friends, he seems to enjoy doing it a lot more than I do. So again, another problem which I might have overlooked when we were dating. It didn't affect me that much, but I know I may have gotten sick of it at some point. So really, I think he might be stuck in a stage that he doesn't want to get out of yet. That and he has no idea how to deal with issues other than just avoiding them. I can't date someone who can't communicate their feelings to me....he's great at communicating that he's happy and in love with me, but I seriously can't remember when he ever told me when he was unhappy with something that happened between us. Obviously, he was unhappy with something or he wouldn't have broken things off. And again, he had a rough childhood...experimented with a lot of things...had friends die of drug overdoses....had issues with his parents. He's surprisingly well adjusted now and no one would ever know these things happened by talking to him.....but maybe they've affected him way more than I originally thought. Maybe he still has to deal with some deep seeded issues before he can be in a good relationship. So....now that I've told you this stuff....any more insight for me?

Hi, 2 weeks ago today my boyfriend of 6 months ended things suddenly. For 6 months, everything was great. Let me begin by saying I never questioned that he was a genuine person and all the people he introduced me to said the same. All the people I introduced him to also thought he was a genuine, great guy. Well, anyway, things progressed pretty quickly. He was the one who told me he loved me first...even said that he didn't think he really knew what it meant to love someone until he met me. We spent a lot of time together, we even talked about the future and moving in at some point in the next year. We were planning to go to Europe this summer together. A couple weeks before the breakup he took his day off to help me move to a new apartment and even said how he wished it was us doing that, but knew it was too soon to move in together. I gave him keys to my place and he gave me a key to his place. Now, I wasn't the one putting pressure on him...we both talked equally about how we wanted these things for us. He was always very affectionate and told me he loved me often. He was never shy to show his feelings for me. We had both met each other's families...I met his at least 4 times. I met all of his friends and every time someone met me, they'd say, it's so great to meet you, I've heard so many great things about you. I'd hear this is the happiest they had seen him. Why would you talk about someone all the time if you didn't really care about him? I think he did...but anyway. So last Saturday night, we went to his friend's birthday party. He was distant the whole night, so I was upset and confronted him about it. He told me how he hated that he made me feel bad that night. Since he was still acting weird, I asked him, is there something else wrong? The discussion led to whether he still loved me, he said yes. I said, is it because you don't want to be with me anymore? He said no, that's not it, but then finally said, maybe it's best for now if we don't see each other. Of course this was a complete shock...I had no idea he was having any doubts at all. The only contact we've had is through an email the week after the breakup...he said that he was confused and frustrated and was so sorry because I was so wonderful....that he felt something was wrong underneath and he didn't know what it was. He said maybe it was all too much too fast and that maybe he just wasn't ready for all of this... Now, he's 26 and I'm a couple years older. He needs to decide soon whether he is going to grad school because he can't get any further in his career if he doesn't. He is not even sure if that's what he wants to do as a career, so he's confused about that. The thing is, if he thought things were going too fast, he never even mentioned slowing them down to me...and even in his email he said he wanted all those things for us. He said in his email how he thought this was extremely hard, but that he thought it was best to do "for right now" and then said he hoped I would be in his life again someday....but understands if I am angry with him for how he handled things. I have to also mention that he never had a good relationship before me...but we never fought ...we had a great relationship and he said that all along. I know he had a tough childhood..his Mom was an alcoholic and there was always a lot of conflict in his life, so he'd deal with his pain by retreating and playing his guitar. I don't know if his past has anything to do with how he handles things today...seems like he avoided talking to me about any of the things that might have been bothering him...then he just sprung a breakup on me. He is definitely more into the partying stage than I am right now, so that could have something to do with it. Anyway, could any men/women make any sense out of this? A few men I've talked to said he probably freaked out because things were getting really serious and he was scared....but I don't know. Has anyone had this happen and was there ever a good outcome? Guys, have you ever done this before??