I dated a guy for about 2 months late last fall, we would talk everyday and see eachother a few times a week – he's 23 and I'm 26. Things were starting to get pretty intense and we would talk all the time about the fact that he had just recently gotten out of a 3 year relationship (they broke up 2 months before I met him and he was still VERY bitter about the situation) and that I was planning on moving back to California at the end of the year and how we were both scared of getting hurt. He started having some issues ("quarterlife crisis" issues) and decided to quit his job and figure out what he really wanted out of life this past December. He started being kind of standoffish to me and then finally told me he "couldn't do this anymore (date me) until he figured out his life" but still wanted to be friends. I was definitely upset but since we had only dated a couple of months, I wasn't exactly devastated or anything.
So, for the next few months we continued to be "friends"—we would IM all the time (almost always initiated by him), went to lunch and movies occasionally and talked on the phone sporadically. Well, in March we ended up running into each other at a bar, he ended up coming home with me and we slept together. The next morning he told me how random it was that he ran into me because he had just been complaining to his friends about the girls he had been meeting recently and how he would never have a much fun with them as he did with me. The next week he invited me to come with him to see a DJ we both like at a club, had a really fun time together that night (he kissed me a few times at the club) and then he came home with me again that night. A couple days later we went to lunch (initiated by him) and everything was great…At this point I was really digging our "friends with benefits" situation but knew that it could be tricky since it's hard for me to not get emotionally attached very easily, especially to someone that I know as well as I know him. This past week he started acting sort of strange to me again, hasn't been IMing me and when I IM him, he's pretty short with me.
Today I finally IMed him and asked why he was being standoffish and he apologized and said it wasn't intentional, it's just been a "rough week partying-wise". Then he tells me that he just got home (at 9 am) and was really tired. When I asked what he had done last night he told me he was hanging out with Lisa, who is a "friend" of his that he met in January at a class they were both taking. He spent the night at her place last night and then he tells me that it "sucks because she and I really like each other but we can't like each other because she's moving to Europe in November for a year". Of course this hurts me to hear him talk about another girl that he likes and has been hanging out with (and I'm sure sleeping with since he spent the night at her place last night). I just don't understand what is going through his mind? He and I are great friends, we have a good connection, we still hook up and he invites me to do things with him quite often, but then why is he suddenly doing the same thing with another girl? Why was he not ready to date me when he ended it in December, but now 4 months later he's starting to date this new girl when he and I have been hanging out and hooking up again and being "friends". If he's suddenly ready to date someone, why is it not me? I just don't understand guys—maybe it's an age thing?
