Last summer I was out of the country working with my boss's sister, who I had had a crush on for over a year. A really strong crush, at that. I had always thought that we would be great together and generally was quite fond of this person. She had also given me signs that she liked me but she was usually indirect about it or I would hear things that she would say about me from co-workers. I had always been reluctant to do anything about it because her and my boss are quite close and I really thought he would not approve and even be mad at me. Although he is my boss he's also a good friend but I really like my job and didn't want to jepordize anything. So, I didn't do anything about this and settled for just having this crazy intense crush on this woman.
So then after spending 3 weeks with this woman sharing the same hotel room, we became a couple. Nothing physical happened until the last week but it was headed in that direction. We were in a really beautiful country and it was really romantic and magical. After we slept together things just kept getting better and better and I was feeling really good and hopeful about a future with her. And my boss didn't care at all. I wasted all that time.
There was an early red flag, which I knew I had to keep in perspective. six months before she had told me when she was drunk one night that she had been seeing a married man. I didn't ask her about it again although I thought about asking her when we were working together overseas. She ended up telling me that she had still been seeing him. So then, we continued to see each other and talked about her relationship with this guy and it was looking good for me. We got closer and closer. She was still talking to him despite the fact that they were broken up because of her and I's new relationship. It was hard for her because she said they were really close and had been seeing each other for 2 years, and blah, blah, blah. I understood, but was like "he keeps telling you he's going to leave his wife but hasn't done anything about it and I'm totally available..." I guess he was really upset about all of this and she felt bad but was kinda like yeah, f*ck him, I've always really liked you. And I was happy, she wouldn't have to lead a shadow life anymore and we were falling in love. Then its time to fly back to home.
We had about three really great weeks together after we returned. Then the married guy freaked out. She told me she needed to see him and reassured me that it would be ok, he's just really upset. I really wasn't worried, she went to meet him, and when she came back it all went downhill.
After her little meeting the tension started. She was now confused. My argument didn't change. He is MARRIED!!! and I love you and I'm here with no issues. We had been getting along perfectly and I really thought she was in love with me. Then, he told her he was moving out and leaving his wife, for real. That's it, I'm screwed, I thought.
So she went back to him and waited for him to leave his wife for 3 months. He did move out and bring up the problems with his marriage to his wife and maybe told her he had wanted a divorce. Then he eventually went back to his wife.
I had watched this girl go through this ordeal because we work together and was worried about her and we still retained a friendship. This guy really BSed her good. Work had been really hard, though. We did alright when we talked on the phone but we could barely look at each other at work. Lots of uncomfortable tension.
So after the guy goes back to his wife her and I hang out a few times. I tell her I can't be her rebound and then we decide to not see each other. Then, I realize that life is short and if we like each other we should see each other. She doesn't agree and wants to be alone. She says that she's in a completely different place now and that what happened between us was an escape for her. So that's it. I know she needs time but I also know she has true feelings for me. I don't call her but she still calls me every now and then and does little things that let's me know that she still likes me. I'm just not sure what to do. I know I can't really do anything and if she wants me she might eventually come back to me. But is there anything I can do? I like this person more than anyone ever and out breakup was the worse I have ever experienced. I think I cried everyday for a month and drank a lot. I have gotten better but I still really like her and it still really hurts everyday. There is still tension between us and I just wish I could be my normal self around her again. Is there anything I can do to win her back or is the ball really just in her court?
Sorry this was terribly long.....
