Hi, I am the other woman in my relationship. I can tell you from experience to split with your wife first.
My relationship started with a few after work chats in the car which got later and later because I found this amazing person with whom I had so much in common. He was married with three children, the youngest being his only, and I knew this when I got involved little did I know of the lonliness and the pain it would cause me.
I was in a steady relationship to which I ended when I realised I didn't love him anymore I'd found something better, someone just like me that I wanted to so desperately touch and kiss whenever I saw him.
But he was still living there, unhappily, arriving in from work then going straight out so as not to be with her. Ringing me crying on the way home saying he loved me, wanted to be with me but he wasn't strong enough to do it. Then there were the nights where she'd have a drink and try to seduce him, he'd leave and call me and tell what happened and I'd say she's your wife you have to do whatever you feel right, knowing he could be walking back into that house to sleep with her while I was tucked up in bed alone thinking about it, not sleeping for thinking about it.
Then he said he felt he wanted to leave and I was over the moon we found him a flat to rent and he left her. Things went well for a couple of weeks at a time we had occasional moments of not knowing what the other was thinking and not wanting to ask incase it was something to do with the other parties.
Then he was struck by guilt, one night he said we needed to talk and he said he loved me and he didn't want to be without me but he felt guilty and felt like they should try for the sake of the kids. I told him kids are no reason to try they grow up and leave then you are left with the stagnant marriage and you should never have to try to be in love with someone. He went home and didn't last a weekend, she tried to touch his leg and he'd pulled away and it had caused holy hell. But all the while he was telling me he loved me and didn't want me to hate him.
This has happened a few times now and me being the idiot, keep saying I'll still be here if it doesn't work I love you I know we're meant to be. But everytime it happens I find myself getting upset rather than angry and this feeling of resentment is always with me, I'm second best. He tells me of the horrible things she does and says and why he left in the first place, and yet he still choses it over me. And I've sat in tears, staring at him in the eyes willing myself to hate him, willing myself not to cry but it never happens. It's always me that ends up hurt, and lonely and thinking about everything that goes on in his life that doesn't include me and most nights I dont sleep, I cant eat and I cry until it makes me physically ill. But then every time he comes back I'm still here and I'm still fighting for him because when I'm with him I've never been so happy.
Lonely but in love
