Jersey_girl

Honestly, I am very embarrassed to answer this question. The truth is that at the end of the 2005 his accountant said that for tax purposes it would be very beneficial if we were married and we needed to do it quick before the 2005 year was over, and that if we didn't he would be owing money to the IRS and something to do with tax write-off's or something. So I felt like if I had to do it because I owed it to him after all he has done for me and my daughter and I kept trying to justify it to myself that we could work through our problems and that everything would be ok. I do love him and wish things were different. I am unhappy because of where I am in my life but most importantly because I wish that our relationship felt more like a union, a team.

For some of my friends it would be a dream to be with a man who would take care of them financially and never have to work again, and live a nice life, but for me it has not been such a dream. I am 27 years old, married with an 11 year old daughter (from a previous relationship). I met my husband 8 years ago at work and we started living together 6 years ago, and finally got married a few months ago. I love my husband very much. From the beginning I really liked him because he was just so different from all the previous guys I had met, he was kind of refreshing. We are the same age, and at the time when we met (about 20 years old) all the guys I knew of course just wanted to party, hang out and into tricking out their cars. So when I met my husband, it was great because he was very mature, smart, we could talk for hours about things we were interested in. And I guess since i had a daughter so young and everything, I had grown up too fast. He was very geeky and at the time I was all for it. And to top it off he impressed the heck out of me. He was young with an awesome job making really good money, living in a nice place with a really nice car. But, with all the good, there was not such a good side. From the beginning that we met he had made a whole lot more money than I did. He begged me to move in with him, I wanted to but I was concerned for my daughter. I was very worried of introducing a man to my daughter who was not her father. And I will admit that at the thought of moving in with him was very enticing to me because I knew that I would have a nice life and not work if I didn't want to. He didn't want me to work anyway because my salary next to his was a joke and it didn't make sense. But as years have progressed I have become increasingly unhappy. I feel completely unfulfilled in my life and very bored. He is extremely boring and very un-romantic. He never wants to do anything, besides go to work, come home to sit in front of his computer and watch movies all weekend long. We have been doing this for all the time we've lived together. We live in a nice house in a really nice neighborhood in the suburbs. I made the decision recently to go to work and do things for myself. But I feel that it doesn't matter because with this job the money doesn't do anything for our household as compared to his, I feel worthless. And the worst part is that every time we argue, he throws it in my face that "I am who I am because of him, my daughter and I have what we have because of him, and if it wasn't because of him I would be living in * * * *." He makes me feel like crap when he says these things. I feel totally worthless, he doesn't take into account that even if I am not bringing in so much money, but as a Realtor with the understanding of real estate, I have found us really good investment deals which we have acquired, and I continue to find us opportunities, which he loves. But of course I don't get any credit for that because he says that he put in the money for the properties. I tell him how I feel and he says that he didn't mean to say those things, I misunderstood him and that he is sorry if I got hurt, but as soon as we fight he does it all over again. At this point in my life all those nice materialistic things don't mean much. I'd rather move away near my family into a small apartment with my daughter and work for my self and my daughter and not be accountable to him and feel some sense of satisfaction. I do love him, but I hate this side of our relationship. He already made it clear to me that he is who he is and that he is not changing. I am confused; I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think that I complain too much, and that if I do leave him that I will be really sorry because I am making a mistake. Other times I feel like if I need to go on my own and achieve things for my self and my daughter, with him my life is going no where. I'm afraid that in a few years we will eventually break up and that I will regret that I didn't leave sooner to get a start earlier on my own life. I want to travel, take my daughter traveling to different places, be near my family and do things on my own that I want to do and have them mean something. My friends tell me that I need to get over it. They say that they wish they had my life, and that I'm lucky and if I leave him it will be a big mistake. I don't know what to do. I am afraid of growing old and looking back with regrets that I didn't take full advantage of my own life. Thank you for listening, and your advice is greatly appreciated.