techmama

I am so glad I found this site -- you are starting to make me see the light. It is indeed funny when I think back at what I saw; the grown man I love, caught red-handed in front of the computer. It made me think of that scene in American Pie when the boy has sex with... well, the pie! I think I will wait until hubby goes to get the little one from daycare and then I'll sneak out and buy him a video or a magazine, and will probably put it next to his dinner plate with a note that says something along the lines of me not wanting to have to "disinfect his computer" every time he needs relief. I hope being light about this issue will indeed help me start a frank discussion about our relationship and some of our hangups. And if he gets too defensive, I'm so buying that vibrator..... I'll keep you updated as to what happens tonight -- in the meantime, thanks for the advice. And if you have more, keep it coming.

That's the thing. Porn was never an issue, and the only one or two times we talked about it, he said it bored him (or some such thing.) And now I'm starting to wonder if he's been watching porn all along and I never knew it. I don't mean to sound like the porn police, but I think it's one of those areas that are problematic when kept a dark secret.

Just to clarify, We can't even have non-penetrative sex (nice definition, btw) because I do get turned on and me performing oral sex on him has triggered contractions. Talk about appreciating one's partner, eh? At my last doc's appointment, I asked the dr (with hubby present) when she thought we could resume intimacy and she said we could review the situation in two weeks... so he does know that it's an important issue for me. But you both are right, we should talk more. And that's my main concern... he gets very defensive and tends to become offensive, so I clam up. That's why the idea of a neutral ground, like a counsellor's office, sounds so appealing to me; he'd have to exercise the restraint he doesn't display at home. Also, does anybody have an explanation as to the reason for yelling? Perhaps, I should email him the link to this post...

Sorry this is very long. Married for 3 years, a 2-year-old in the house, I have a decent relationship with my husband. By decent I mean we have every couple's ups and downs, but I feel we could both benefit from talking a little more. I'n open to (and I have suggested) marriage counselling, he vehemently rejects the idea, as "we don't need it." After a great start, our sex life became a little slow following our child's birth, but both agreed that we'd work on it. Husband is self-employed (I work full time) and often works late at night, so we never quite got back to where we started. I anyway managed to get pregnant again, and I am currently in my 7th month. As opposed to my previous pregnancy, this has been difficult (high-risk) from the start and I have been on pelvic rest since early on. It got so bad that the doctor advised my to even avoid masturbation, because of my preterm labor. By the way, I always knew my husband masturbated and he knew I did, and neither of us had any problem with it. But. Yesterday I took the little one to the park (hubby needed to work), and we stopped to grab lunch; on the way home she fell asleep and, after putting her in her bed, I went to our converted garage to give husband his lunch that I had picked up for him. I never, ever knock and he never asked me to. I opened the door and he started yelling at me "Go away! Go away!". He was frantic. He was hunched over (hand in his pants) and I had a clear view of the monitor, and the porn he was watching. He kept yelling, so I just closed the door and went into the house. After a few minutes husband came in and told me that he wanted to talk to me, that he was embarrassed but he had his urges, and we hadn't had sex in such a long time... I confess that I was so upset by the whole thing, that I was just able to tell him that I wasn't interested in listening and that I had nothing to tell him, to just leave me alone. Since then, I can barely look at him and I won't talk to him, because I don't know what to say. Allow me to explain, I don't particularly enjoy porn, but I haven't watched more than two or three movies ages ago. If itthe sex represented is between consenting adults, I have no moral objection to porn, and I will even go as far as saying that I understand people need visual stimuli more than others. As far as I am concerned, erotic novels or fantasies are a greater turn-on than moveis, but that's personal preference. In short, I don't have a problem with porn per se, but I do have a problem with husband's attitude. I understand his embarrassment, but it's not like I've never seen (caught) him masturbating; I did not know he watched porn, and that troubles me a bit, because I feel like he's hiding that part of his sexual life from me. I mean, this is the guy who told me not to buy a vibrator (I've never tried one and I was curious) because he felt threatened by it (former girlfriend was apparently hooked...); how am I supposed not to feel threatened by him getting off watching some dude he can identify with, humping a tanned bimbo? I could have shrugged it off, I guess, if he had "involved" me in some way... if he had told me, or if, when caught, he'd been light-hearted about it. If he'd said something like "See what I have to do since I can't have you?" I don't know... I guess it's hard to feel sexy and desired when one looks like she has swallowed a basketball and has an "upper deck" the size of Kansas. And right now it's really hard not to feel like I'm left out from his life at all. Does anybody have words of wisdom for me? Thank you, techmama p.s. -- on a selfish note, I'm also furious because, being the tech savy person in the house, I'm the one cleaning viruses from his computer... I guess now I know why.