Kuchel

Thanks for the help. It looks like there are some questions I need to ask myself - things like do I want to be a woman or I am satisfied with dressing. Well I do not want to be a woman - I like dressing. I like to mix around with transgender woman. I like to dress - not sure the exact reason. I guess it has more to do with fetish. Talking to a good-looking woman (transgender woman) brings up some kind of feelings inside. I don't think I can describe the feelings. For example everyday I come to work first things i do is to check my Yahoo or other chat side to speak to a transgender woman. I get emotionally attached to them. Some time back I used to wear woman's panty inside my usual work clothes. That used to give turn on. All these things - where does it lead to ? Everyday fighting with my urge - sometimes it is quite hard to focus on the things I need.

Hi I am old member - just returning to this forum after long time. Quite recently I have this urge of dressing as a woman. This urge goes quite a bit to that extend that I actually like transgender woman. I spend hours trying to get friendly with other transgender woman in Internet. Little background about me - I am married and have a kid. I am ok with my family but I cant get the affiliation of transgender from my mind. I have tried different things but it won't just go away. The result to this is I am always unhappy. I feel unsatisfied all the time. I have done weird things to satisfy my want. I am not sure why it happened and where it started from. Sometimes I get too depressed and hurt me mentally. I feel alone - quite lonely in spite of having a family. Lost of people have told me to discuss with my wife - but I know my wife. It will end in disaster. I know that I cannot take the risk. Just don't know - what to do. Sometimes I feel I do not know who I am any more.

Thanks for the post BLUE.... Well more information about me... I did my post graduate in IT from a University in Sydney thinking I will get a job which I like at least challenging enough. But I had a traumatic experience with my first job and hence forced me to give a hard look at my opportunity. May be I should have gone back to India but I did stick around took the first available job. And from then onwards I was doing same type of job again and again... If I want to try things with what I want I will suffer to get a better job. I like computer aided animation but there are no opportunities in Australia. So I thought of doing it of interest sake.. but the resource needed will seriously dent my financial situation. So I decided to go against it... I did go for counseling but it uses to give me a quick remedy. ... Counseling in Sydney is expensive and not covered by health care...(that is why we have a high suicidal rate in Australia).... Frankly speaking if I look at my friends they have done much better than I am. Materialistically they are better of than me... and that is also one the reason of my frustration....Frankly I just don't know how to tackle the problem. I get scared that one day I will take some rash steps which I will regret...

Hi There.. I am a new member in this group. Well I have a peculiar problem... In one word I can say total lack of enthusiasm. Sometime I do get depressed whereas sometimes I just feel like lying on the bed looking at the ceiling. Before that a small background myself... I am early 30s, settled in Sydney 7 years back, married and have a kid 2 years old. I have changed quite a few jobs within last 5 years. The trend goes like this - I join a company. For couple of months I remain proactive and excited. As the months goes by I feel down, my enthusiasm takes a nose dive. I usually get stressed and that affects my personal life. Basically I am not happy with my life. I thought of changing my job. I have quite a few commitments so I cannot afford to start from a lower salary. Sometimes I would sit at work looking at the empty computer screen thinking nothing. Because of my situation I tend to be an impulsive shopper. I buy things which I could do away with. I end up getting big credit card bills. Some people have asked me to try anti depression drugs but I do not want to think to that level. Presently, it definitely creates lot of problems. I have just joined a company (3 weeks back) and I am already fed up of this place. Now I think "why did I join?” Sometimes I feel I am heading towards a big NOTHINGNESS.... Combine with above factor and no real friends around it are so hard to keep up with things. We came to this country 7 years back and since then have settled here. I am Indian by birth. Does someone can show me why I feel like this... am I getting burn out fast?