LiquidCherry

My friend has this quote up in her profile:

"Energies are attracted to similiar energies; If you're positive, you'll attract positive, if you're negative, you'll attractive negative"~Sylvia Browne

I don't think anyone can disagree with your post, nice way of putting it.

Selfi, I'd say it's already bitten you on the *** and still kicking you around too . If you are not actively trying to get back together with him you are actively hoping to so though your actions might be different your feelings are still the same.

I don't know why you said "the way we are breaking up together" and that statement kind of concerned me. I'd like to point out some facts about how this statement is contrary. First, you are not breaking up, you ARE broken up and the difference is about three months worth of time in your case. Second, you are not breaking up together nor did you break up together, he broke up with you. What you are going through now is not the process of breaking up, that part is over and done with. Your situation with Evan right now is a lot of hoping on your part and a lot of him leading you on on his part. Something has to change and you are only in control of yourself.

Selfi, I feel for you, I really do. But sometimes I think you just hope so much and want so much that you can't really get a good objective outlook on what is happening. I wish I could say something to make you feel better and to make you feel better about letting go. The only thing I can think of is that letting go of hope isn't going to hurt any "chance" you have, the only thing it will do is help.

You ARE strong enough to go through with NC, it's just a matter of working up your gut, getting yourself ready to actually DO it. And really, NC will be so much better for you than what you are going through now.

Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. Yes, it is normal and I think to a certain extent it is also healthy. Eventually this to will pass.

March 1st? Lucky.

Three months is a long time to wait and you want to wait another two or so. That is almost the 6 months he said it would take for him to know. And really, if he can let you feel this hurt for this long... But don't just spend this time sitting around waiting and hoping. Use this time preparing yourself mentally to let go.

How about this: If you are asking someone to remind you that you deserve more then.. You already know it's true! You'd never ask someone to remind you of an appointment you didn't have now would you?

My boyfriend gave the same timeframe, that he *might* want me again in 6 months or so, at least even I believe he said. It seems to be the magic number ex's tend to throw out. There's another poster on here debating to wait six months and I've heard it before from other ex's of mine and others' as well. (My current is the only ex I've ever gotten back together with.) Honestly I feel that when someone tells you they'll know in six months or so it's an empty phrase. I always assumed that it meant they are figuring that you'll have moved on by then.

I was cleaning my computer tonight and actually found a letter I wrote to my bf while we were broken up.. So here's some bits and pieces compiled to make some sort of sense:

I cannot hold on to what ifs and maybes, especially if there are none. You told me that you just want to be alone. If you really want to be alone spending time hanging out with me will get in the way. Only you know if there is really a chance for us. I don't want the blow to be softened; I want to know the truth. I can't wait forever and I can't wait for an indefinite period either. I need to take care of myself and do what is best for me as well. I cannot allow myself to hold onto something that isn't there. I really do hope that we can work things out but if not there is something you need to understand. The thing is, I don't want to be friends with you; I want to be in a relationship with you. And so I can't be just your friend. I would be the one getting hurt further and I need to give myself a chance to heal.

I actually gave him a time limit of two weeks to make up his mind but it's too embarrassing to post my begging here. I figured that if he really loved me that was long enough. My mistake wasn't in setting a time limit, it was telling him about it. Believe me, it didn't go over well. I actually only waited for 11 days before I let go, for the most part anyway, in the very least I had given up hope and that helped me a lot. If he had come back to me even just a few weeks later than he did I probably wouldn't have taken him.

You don't want to wait 6 months. Do you want to wait 3? How long have you already been waiting? You have to make a decision to walk away. I'm not offering this as advice but what I would do (if I were you) is wait until after the holidays. If not to delay a different sort of pain then to start the new year fresh.

I think a part of you is afraid of letting go and hoping has become a sort of comfort. Not having that hope and truly accepting that the relationship is over is frightening.

When my boyfriend broke up with me it was painful in many ways, one of them being that I was close to his family, especially his mother. About a week after we broke up she called me crying. She really wanted us to get back together. She told me that she didn't know why Jeremy was giving up "one of the best things that ever happened to him" and really thought that he would come back to me. It turned out she was right BUT I am so glad she had nothing to do with our getting back together. If she had pressured him or convinced him in any way.. How would I ever be sure that it was HIS decision? If an ex comes back it has to be their choice and their's alone. Anything less is just a recipe for disaster.

present

present = string

He's being very manipulative and I think anyone in your situation would find it difficult not to hold out and hope. When or where are you going to draw the line? Maybe if you set a deadline in your own mind (not an ultimatum that you inform him of) and stick to it that will help you.

Are you saying there is only so much hurt i will be able to take before i end it myself when im at the end of the line? But until then it will keep going and going??

Yes, that's pretty much what I'm saying.

If only he didnt do the 'little' things he does... Like today on msn, he wrote next to his name 'I do it for you' He reffering to the fact he comes online, (as soon as he came home he did to see if i was on) Stuff like that hints that he has true feelings for me, and that if i give up on him ill loose what for the most part, makes me happy

He may very well have true feelings for you. In fact, he probably does. It is hard not to care for someone you once loved. On some level I care about the people I've dated in my past. I want them to be happy and am always glad to hear that they are doing well either directly or indirectly.

He doesn't have enough feelings for you to be with you though, at least not right now and unfortunately maybe never. He gives you just enough to keep you from moving on and because he knows you're still right there he has no reason to take any steps towards a relationship. He knows you're not going anywhere.

You can't stand the thought of not seeing him, not speaking with him, and having no contact with him what so ever. You've even told him this so why should he do anything different? He knows he's not going to lose you even though you've already lost him.

Unrequitted love is the most painful kind and won't last forever.

Push and Pull, Selfi. He's not letting you go and he's not taking you back either. You have to hurt for as long as you need to. When you don't need to/want to any longer you'll stop letting him do this.

I was listening to the radio yesterday on my way home from school and just caught these lyrics that seem applicable: "The hardest part of hanging on is letting go."

Maybe you should try looking at it from another angle.

Sometimes friendships aren't as close as they once were because both people have grown in different directions and no longer share many of the same interests. (for example, some of my friends are still into clubbing and the nightlife, I really am not) And also, I myself have found it more difficult to maintain many of my friendships because of time constraints and responsibilities and I'm sure others have this problem as well. BUT, regardless of the reason, if a friend needs me I'll be there and my true friends will do the same for me.

If someone sticks by you when the going gets tough you know you've got a real friendship there.

I don't blame you for beginning to hate him. It gets old, being pulled in one direction and thrown in another.

I know when ever I have feelings for someone I want to be near them. I want to touch them, feel their touch and just be close. SOME people have told me that I am clingy and the minute this statement comes out of their mouth I know we are not compatible in a very BIG way. I need to be with someone who shows their affection in the same way as I do or I feel sad and thats just not how I want to feel when I'm in love.

Your situation is different but still... It wasn't a mistake to show your affection by hugging and touching. Your mistake, like mine, was showing your affection to someone who is not receptive. He enjoys it because well, why wouldn't a guy enjoy having a female fawning over them but, if he were to act in kind it would be leading you on because he doesn't feel the same way towards you as you do towards him. Save it for someone who has something to give back, like a heart.

Selfi, people who want to get back together with you will try. They won't say, "I'll try later," or, "If it happens somewhere down the track then it will." You can say that about anything! That is such an open ended BS statement. You're right, you don't deserve this.

You know why he tugs on your heart strings and in the end still doesn't want to be with you. Because he's stringing you along. It's gotta be an ego boost to know you're always there in the background and when ever he needs a little kick you're right there, as much or as little as he wants, whenever he wants.

He wants to give you a Christmas gift to make you happy. BS! He KNOWS that a relationship is really what you want. Don't accept the gift. Why would you? So you could wear it or keep it in your room and every time you see whatever it is you'll feel this bittersweet feeling: Oh, he cares about me sooo much because he gave me this gift to make me happy.. So why am I still sad? Because he doesn't care about me enough, let alone love me enough to be with me.

I can't believe he had the galls to say he's going to give it to you no matter what. That's more proof in my mind that he's stringing you along intentionally. I'm really getting PO'd that he's doing this to you. I think it's crappy and cruel. You have to make him stop doing this to you and the only way to do that is to remove your self from his life. You can do it; you've put up with this crap from him for so long I can almost gaurntee that finally putting an end to it will feel so much better.

I consider it a rebound relationship if the person still has romantic feelings for their ex. Sometimes they work but usually they don't; it really depends on if the person is able to move on or not and about a bizillion other reasons that can cause a relationship to fail.

My hs sweetheart was a rebound relationship on my part initially but it developed into something much more, for me anyway.. And my relationship with my current bf, I started out as the rebound but again, it turned into something much more.

In all honesty I think a lot of relationships are rebound. Often it is hard to fully get over someone until you've found someone else that exceeds your expectations, whatever that means.

I've read your post before and I was left as confused as you are. I have an ex who I think is wonderful and I can say so to him or anyone without romantic feelings being felt by me or interpreted by him but we've remained friends over the years so it is a bit different than sending a card out of the blue. My guess is that she was feeling lonely and was looking back at a positive time in her life and maybe was wanting to experience a bit of that again by visiting with you. Maybe she thought enough time had passed to heal all wound. But as it appears feelings did resurface and my guess is on both parts only while you welcomed them she did not so she withdrew leaving you with a bunch of made new again heartache in the process. It's not fair but sad dealings with the heart rarely are.

This makes me think about two things:

1. Although the heartache is inevitable, perhaps I should already feel relieved if my ex (or crush of unrequited love) doesn't string me along.

2. I wonder if it's a good idea to stay in contact with ex (or crush of unrequited love)...

 

1. It is truly cruel to string along another so as much as the heartache hurts it is better than the pain of false hope.

 

2. I think it's a good idea to stay in contact with an ex IF neither party is harboring romantic feelings. Sometimes this is possible after a transition period but sometimes it is not as any contact can cause old emotions to resurface.

What the dog wants is some food so if they get some scraps they get what they want though I suppose they'll always want more... I guess in my analogy food=relationship. They can see the possiblility but they never get it; A false hope kind of situation.

No one ever gets my analogies but they make perfect sense to me! :splat:

Hmm... I don't think you can really tell at this point if it is a good or bad sign. She could really be busy or she could be letting you down gently. If things pan out and you end up at the movies with her I'd say that's a good sign!

Money makes the world go round. Love makes people go round.

Have you ever teased a dog while eating food? You know, they sit there in front of you looking all cute and you know what you're eating must smell REALLY good to them 'cause it sure does smell good to you . And even though you have no intentions of sharing (Because people food is bad for them of course!) you lean forward and eat reeeeaaaaaly sloooooowwwwwwwly with your eyes closed. They'll sit there and stare at you the whole time and then, like>

[-X

This is my analogy about the contact you may receive from an ex and I thought I should give it it's own thread. I'm sure many of you out there can relate; I went through a similar situation myself. I'm not saying that all contact from an ex you want back is negative but I am giving a warning: That you must careful of what direction that contact is heading towards and what their true intentions are.

(And yes, I really do this; to dogs though, not people.)

after much deliberation i called him back, sobbing. it didnt take him long to figure out what was wrong, this is what Evan told me;

 

-that HE wants to be the one to initiate the asking me out coz thats what will make me happy and its better for us

- That he didnt want me to feel like nothing had changed since that weekend because he knows it will in time

- And not to worry that what im doing will chase him away because it isnt.

 

Is this progress or Am I still being strung along?

- Will it really make you happy waiting and hoping with every conversation that he *just might* ask you out? (Or will it just make you cry if he doesn't?) This is better for HIM because he can see you on his own time, in his own time, when ever he wants to. What about you while you're waiting?

- Nothing has changed since last weekend. He is still not with you, he is still stringing you along.

C'mon selfi, "he knows it will change in time?" Give me a break. Maybe someday he'll want to be with you?? Now if this were a break that the two of you were taking and were working on making things actually work I could buy this but under the circumstances it sounds like a lot of string. I'm not fond of maybe someday's. Or string.

- He doesn't want you to stop begging! He actually LIKES knowing that he has you in the palm of his had. What an ego boost for him knowing that he can have as much or as little of you as he wants.

Have you ever teased a dog while eating food? You know, they sit there in front of you looking all cute and you know what you're eating must smell REALLY good to them 'cause it sure does smell good to you . And even though you have no intentions of sharing (Because people food is bad for them of course!) you lean forward and eat reeeeaaaaaly sloooooowwwwwwwly with your eyes closed. They'll sit there and stare at you the whole time and then, like that, you're done. You get up and walk away without a second though. The dog looks confused because it thought you really were going to give it at least something and so it goes over to where you were sitting and sniffs for crumbs. [-X

Anyway, that's my analogy. (And yes, I really do that; to dogs, not people.)

I don't trust him. Or should I be okay with this!?!? I feel disgusted, embarrassed, sad, etc....HELP?

I'm sooooo sorry! Why should you be okay with this? There is nothing about his actions that were acceptable, in fact, I'd consider it cheating.

What would you usually get your boyfriend or a guy friend for christmas?

 

Here's what I'm getting for mine:

I was in a relationship with someone who was depressed and had other "issues" (putten lightly) that made a relationship utterly impossible. It's well, stressful, because if they would only get help.. But they have to want to help themselves and no one can make them want that. I don't know if your ex is depressed or not but it is a possibility.

I think most people have a timeline that they would like their lives to follow.. Graduate, get a good job, get married, find a home, have kids, whatever, etc. I know I have one for myself and I've always assumed it was normal though some people may be more of a "go with the flow" type.

And some people do become afraid, panic, and block out their feelings and there really isn't anything you can do about that. They are simply not emotionally available.

I still wouldn't suggest to him that he see a relationship therapist but perhaps ask that he talk to his doctor about his dosage.

I'm glad you found the session helpful, at least in gaining some insight, but you are right in that it isn't going to get you your ex back. Stay strong and give him the chance to miss you, I wish you the best.

octopus, I hate to be a negative but why exactly are you seeing a relationship therapist. Is it to help you in the future with future relationships like you're trying to suggest? Or is it really in hopes of gaining your ex back which I suspect because you are going to see a RELATIONSHIP therapist? If it is the latter I don't think you need to be reminded that you are not in a relationship.

If you want to gain perspective and speed up the recovery process why not see a regular therapist, they are truly helpful and have helped me greatly in the past and I'm quite sure they are less costly as they are usually covered under insurance.

I would NOT tell you ex you are in counseling. Why come accross to him as totally broken down because of him? And I would NOT suggest to him that he talks to a relationship therapist because he has no need to what so ever. He's not in a relationship.

I'm going being harsh but to me this sounds like an innocent little ploy to trick him into counseling with you or along with you which is not needed as he ended the relationship. He obviously is not affraid of commitment as he is searching for the one he wishes to marry so from the posts I've read he doesn't have any relationship issues that he needs to deal with.