hannarivers

What is it you cant buy? My thinking? So, you would not think this feels like a connection for him? Have you ever watched the same person again? Bc I havent, porn never was such a big thing for me so that I could feel connected enough to watch a person more than one time

You are wrong in that. You did just change my feelings by the words you choose to say to me.

I know he did many stupid things because I am his first. I had access because as I moved in, we shared a computer. He forgot to delete his history. I felt betrayed and my friend told me about Google myactivity, which allows you to see deleted history if it wasnt in inkognito mode. So I checked. This is how I know about things. I wouldnt say I treated him poorly, I just had my rough times, too. More than the average. The porn thing I explained. Men get off on women, I never got off on men, just weird situations where men couldnt even be seen, just their parts. So knowing he watched the same girl multiple times hurt me. I have a woman's brain and I felt like he had a connection

This is what I dont know about our past. There were times when he rejected me, but we still had sex regularly. He just wouldnt jump every time I wanted. Now he never rejects me. But this could also be like this because before this fight, it was "his job" most of the time, and now I take more part in it. He told me many times that "I dont feel any different, and I didnt desire you any less before I stopped watching". So this could again just be in my head, or can be true but thanks to me being more present in the act. Also, this is the past and I cant change that. Now our sexlife is better

I hate the personality I had. I dont want to decide on things the way I would have had half a year ago. I made a fuss about everything, even the smallest things made me feel hurt because all I thought was "oh, they didnt act like I would have acted in this situation, they must not love me". I literally have and identity crisis. Otherwise, I would not be stupid enough to choose the advice of strangers. My boyfriend effed up. He did. But I dont care about the lying anymore, because I was a huge liar myself and I am no more one. I decided about that. He probably made our sex life worse than it could have been, but I can forgive that one too, because I know if he knew it would affect anything, he wouldnt had done it. I am sure in his change, he saw my pain, he experienced the breakup and tons of questions about the past. He could have left, he chose to stay and change. My only one deal is this exact time he watched the same person. But the men before you said that this is not as big of a deal as I experience it. My boyfriend says the same, he didnt give as much thought to this action as I did in one day.

In most parts I agree with you. And I get it that you dont really believe in change, I wouldnt either if I didnt know myself. I changed in many ways because I realized my @ssholeness. He probably thought that I just had tantrums when I told him it is cheating. I did have many, as I said, I wasnt the perfect person. I think he didnt care anymore because of the lack of credibility in my overreacting actions. My problem is me not having rational feelings and thoughts because as I mentioned before, I am in therapy with this. I just dont want to feel like he did more bad by watching one person multiple times than if he just watched random people - if it isnt true. Because if it is not, I dont want to feel the pain of the thought.

Im sorry, but I dont understand completely. Was your message about you not caring even if he looks at the same woman more than one time because you dont care at all if he enjoys porn? My whole point is to understand if I am in the wrong for thinking he is a bad partner for doing this, because aside from this, he is an amazing person. I dont want to look at him as "disgusting and maniac" if he is not that. This is why I needed opinions, I might see him as a different person than he actually is

I do understand you and you are right. I am already in therapy, I will mention this. But Im truly curious about your opinion on the original topic - if it is sick or bad of him to watch the same person 10-15 times.

To clarify, he wasnt the obsessed one for watching the same person for 10-15 times in 4 years, but I am obsessed because I think about this? I just want to understand if this amount was okay or not, because all of the other things about him make me feel loved and happy. He takes care of me, he loves me, he makes me smile. I love him, and I dont want to make the wrong decision by throwing him out for something that might be bad only in my head. I dont care about the lies. I was a ***ty person too, I just took a turn to becoming better a month before I found out about his lying. I was a controlling partner in every aspect, and I changed for him. He changed for me so much, this is why I have this freakin dilemma if he did bad or not

I might be misundersrood. I trust him now. It is not about trust. It is about the past. In the present, I am terryfied that he felt somrthing towards that girl. Even obsession. Idk how man brain works. I dont know if it is the same as for girls with their boyband manias, when they are literally into those boys

I believe in changing. I had anger issues in my first relationship. I did pretty bad things. Told myself, Ill never be like that again. My bf didnt believe me. But I did change.

I did spent time, because all I heard from people around me is that "dont worry about him using porn, only if he doesnt have good sex with you or he watches one person multiple times". And the latter one happened, so now I am worried

He didnt avoid interactions, he just wasnt a popular guy, he always wanted a girlfriend, just sadly no one liked him back that he liked. He had friends, just not emotionally close ones, rather the "spend the day together and have fun" type of friends.

But what I see that she was HIS obsession. We werent together when this happened, but who knows if he continued the same way after we were. Maybe Im wrong, but if a guy wakes up, first thing is to look up this girl, pics, videos, then the same the next day... Makes me feel like he had a "real crush" on her. Maybe Im wrong and he was just a stupid guy bc of lonelyness and eventually he became "less obsessed" with her because of meeting me (I hope he at least stopped looking at pictures). He admitted to watching her in relationship too, this is what concerns me. That he sees her as a person he knows

I guess that you are a man. Then, can you tell me why would a man watch the same actress again and again if there is no connection? And again, lets say Im no worse than his favorite, tbh I find myself even better looking. Wouldnt a man need to watch the prettiest girl if he had an ugly girlfriend? Doesnt a pretty actress make a man find his own less pretty?

To be honest, it not really is porn in general that bothers me. I cant blame him for looking at her instagram and other pics on many occasions when he was single. He had no one, no close friends, no girlfriend. I was obsessed with celebrities when I was lonely (although not in a sexual way), so a bit I van understand. What bothers me is that he had this pornstar for days before me, and he watched her also when being with me. Isnt it worse than just watching random people?

Sorry if I wasnt clear. We got together the next day I broke up with him. I wanted to give a chance for me to change my perspective and for him to show me that porn isnt life (if he can show me he can go months without it, I calm down and wont think he is an addict). My problem NOW is not porn itself, but the fact that he spent days before our relationship with masturbating to this exact girl (which makes me think he really likes her for ovbious reasons that she is georgeous) and he did it in the relationship too. Isnt it like he has a virtual girlfriend?! Because he did days with her before me?

So, long story short(er). I told him 3 years ago to stop watching porn when we get together, because it is not okay with me if a man does it. I know, how is it okay if I do and not if he does. My explanation is, my problem is not porn, it is women. I never watch porn with the camera focusing on the man, I never choose by "oh I like his abs, his d". I watch weird situations. But men watch women with their full body, face, etc. They like the woman they see, and I can barely see a penis in the video. Moving on. He lied throughout those 3 years by saying he did not watch any. Yet, I found one. I broke up immediately, because I was deeply hurt by the lies. He came talking to me, first with a few lies so that I wont really leave him. Later admitted to watching it all along. To be honest, I got over the lying, Im not perfect either. I even got over just a bit on the fact that he was looking at other women even though we had great sex life and I am a fine looking girl. But I got a bit psycho a few days ago and I looked thru his porn preferences before our relationship. I found a pornstar who he found, looked at her pics, her insta, then hub. The same next day. Same a month later. I get it, he was single, tbh he was single before me all his life. But I did ask him if he watched this girl also in the last years. And he said yes. The fact is, the girl has the exact same body I had when I met my bf, I just gained like 5 kilogramms since. She has a nice face too and she is my age. So I got deeply hurt because I am sure he truly desired this girl since I am his type, therefore she is his type too. Idk how should I feel, should I break up with him now because I found out he looked at the same girl many times. Oh, and since we broke up a few months ago, when I found out, he changed, he didnt watch any porn, but now I am the mean one for getting him mad each day by thousands of questions. I love this man, he is amazing, caring and loving, but this perversion.. Idk how to move on. I am a 24 old and he is 25