I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. We met at work and everything went very slowly, but it's meant we have a strong foundation. She has pretty much every quality I would look for in a partner if someone asked me to make a list of what I wanted. But the sexual side of the relationship has been lacking - right from the start. In the first year I just thought it was because she wanted to take things slow. But I've realised now I don't think it will ever improve - and now any sexual attraction or chemistry that was once there has gone. Obviously a relationship is not just about this - but it is a factor - and although many other parts of the relationship are really strong, this feels like a big problem.
Meanwhile - I've known my friend - let's call her B - much longer as we went to university and subsequently lived together. I'd never really seen her in this way - she doesn't have lots of the relationship qualities I'd usually look for, and I always just viewed her as a best friend. But in the past year - since we were no longer living together - she started being much more romantically interest and flirty with me, and I was surprised by this but did like the attention and played along. She has been with her partner for 5+ years so is also in a long-term relationship despite all of this. We went on a couple of dates, held hands, kissed, etc. but I still never thought for a moment that I would see myself in a relationship with her.
But recently I've been feeling very down about the whole situation (and I'm aware this can't be good as everyone involved is being hurt here) - and I suddenly realised that actually I am in love with my friend, B, and that I wanted to do things properly and be with her. She'd even said she wanted this too - over message, though it was while she had been drinking. I told her the next day that I felt like this and that I was ready to make the leap and go ahead with ending the relationship I was in to be with her. But then she decided that - although she wanted that future too - she didn't want to hurt her partner in that way, and that her decision was to stay in her relationship. However she's asked to keep everything exactly the same between us - so the flirty messages etc. and talking about being together she wants to continue, even though she's told me she doesn't want to end her relationship to actually be with me.
I'm so confused by all this. I genuinely have this really strange feeling of being broken hearted but at the same time I don't know if I've just got carried away because I got a bit of attention from someone I have a sexual attraction to, and that it's all snowballed from there. Equally I know I need to be open with my girlfriend about how I am feeling - and I will have that conversation with her. But I am seeking some advice on what to do about my friend, girl B. She is a really close friend and I would absolutely hate to lose her by blocking her because I'm confused and hurting. What am I feeling? I genuinely don't know - but right now all I can think about is being in a relationship with her, and the fact that she's led me to believe it could happen and then crushed that from actually happening.
All comments welcome, thank you
