anchiixz

I met my boyfriend online around two years ago, and we have been in a LDR for about a year and six months now. Most of the time, our relationship is great, mature, and loyal - however, there are periods when it gets REALLY really hard. My boyfriend suffers from depression, and has had periods when he completely isolates himself and shuts me off. In November, he began having a really hard time - he would go for barely talking to me for a month, to basically texting me once a week till January. Having BPD, my own mental illness couldn’t physically let me go through this constant ghosting and pushing away - so, I broke up with him and we agreed to try again when he heals. A month later, he texted me again, saying he’s been trying his best to work on his mental health. Me, being the anxious-attached partner, immediately took this as a sign that he wanted to get back together. Although he told me he’s still not 100% okay, I insisted on trying again and getting back together and that I will stay with him through anything and everything. This was very obviously something I shouldn’t have done - I should’ve let him heal before doing anything again, especially because I underestimated how bad his mental health can get. Since then, (February 8th) we’ve had our ups and downs. He started going to therapy every day (for a bit more than two weeks now) and is on meds for his depression and ADHD. However, he seems so distant and cold - when I compare our old texts to now, I can see how much more ‘emotions’ he had before, how much he told me he loved me and missed me, and just any intimate texts in general. He used to help me when I was feeling down, and was always by my side. I get them rarely now - almost never, and I genuinely don’t know if it’s because of his depression or just because he doesn’t love me as much anymore. He isn’t as excited when I send him pictures of me, and even the explicit ones (he said his libido has been low ever since he got on meds). However, we still talk about the plans for our future and I can see that he sees me in his. There are times when he genuinely is excited to talk to me, call, and just spend time together in general. We also had a fight two days ago. He just came back from his appointment and told me ‘he was exhausted’. After that, I tried texting him and he wouldn’t answer for the whole day. I got upset, and told him that I’m tired of begging him to just stop ignoring me (he has a habit of doing that). He blamed me saying he needs space and that I should’ve figured that out when he said he was exhausted. (keep in mind, I’ve learned to give him space when he needs it. I literally just asked him to tell me when he needs space, and to not ghost me). We haven’t talked since then, and I honestly don’t plan to check my messages for a few days at all. Maybe we need some time apart. I need advice on how to cope with this. If someone has ever dealt with depression and taking meds, or someone who has, I’d love some advice on how to cope with that as well. I constantly offer him support, but he prefers to isolate and deal with it himself. I always say I’ll be here if he needs me. Does he not love me anymore, or is it his mental health that’s building a barrier between us? I DON’T plan on breaking up with him, so please don’t tell me to leave him because I won’t. I was thinking about going off for a week or two and refrain from talking to him even if he texts me. I’m just scared things will stay like this, and that our relationship will never be like it used to be.

I am 100% certain he doesn’t ‘hide’ his identity or his life. I mentioned the wallpaper only because he obviously doesn’t have a problem with people around him knowing about me, it’s just online. His job IS playing games. He works for different online sites, ‘boosts’ people to certain ranks in game, goes to esports tournaments, etc. I don’t know why this is important though. I dated him for around a month before he had to move. I live in Europe and he’s currently in the US. We plan to see each other when we both figure our lives out a bit more and are financially able to do it (the plane ticket itself is around €1000). I just wanted to mention that I am most definitely leaning towards the fact that he just wants to respect his privacy, and that something has happened in the past that makes him not want to do it (like he told me).I’ve read that many people, especially men, choose to keep their relationships off social media. I’m just asking if its okay for me to angry at him choosing his privacy and other people’s opinions before my own feelings?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now, but this is something that’s been bothering me for months. My boyfriend doesn’t use any social media except Discord (and is rarely on his phone), and that’s where we talk since we’re in a LDR at the moment. He plays games professionally and has a lot of friends online, so it’s the easiest way for us to communicate. I asked him to match with me a lot of times, and explained to him that the only reason I want to do that is because I’m very anxious and him making my existence ‘known’ would make me feel so much more secure in our relationship. Of course I expected him to agree because he has matched with his female friends before and didn’t have a problem with it - but I was wrong. He rejected me, saying that he doesn’t want to do it with me because of privacy. When I mentioned other girls he matched with, he replied saying that everyone knew that there was nothing between them, and that he knew there would NOT be anything between them. Later he also mentioned that ‘It’s not only about people’s opinions, it is also something lined to my past that I don’t want to think about rn’. Now, but trust issues are REALLY bad and his response makes absolutely zero sense to me, ESPECIALLY because I told him how anxious I am 24/7 because of it. I’m not blaming him for not wanting to think about his bad memories, but how are we supposed to work out if he doesn’t open up to me and tell me the real reason he doesn’t want to match with me? Aren’t my feelings more important than what people will think and say? Also, VERY IMPORTANT I believe: he has my pic as his wallpaper and has told his irl friends about me when they asked. I just don’t understand why he won’t let people online know about me.