babs2002ukus

i left him over 12 months ago i couldnt find this site as my computer broke down and i had to use a friends but i found it today i dont want another man in my life there all the same:sad:

just a very quick update we are trying to sort things out sorry i havent been back to you before now as my computer is broken and i am having to use a friends ...i will come on in the very near future and let you all know the full story ...again thanks for all your input babs

thank you all for all your imput tonight it has helped me a lot i will let you all know how i have got on on monday .... again thank you ....wish me luck ...i think im going to need it

trouble is i dont want to upset his mom and dad and if i do that his mum esp will know there is something wrong and she will get really upset ...(she had a stroke 4 years ago and gets stressed very easy ) and to be honest it is in newquay and it is a holiday town ...hotels are hard to get in there at the best of times and really expensive ...... im not looking for excuses .....but im in an impossable position here ...the only thing i can do is go to bed early and get up when he decides to come to bed witch will be at about 4am ....thats his usual time

there is barley enough room for his mum dad n him and antony will be on the sofa

i cant tell him that he cant sleep in his own house ...i am going to his house with antony friday night for his sisters daughters wedding on sat morning

i dont know ....its prob just me ....but maybe he thinks if we finish ...he will have to lookafter his son.... he wont be able to stay at his moms cos there just isnt the room and his sisters wont take ant on .....

i am going to but i have to wait till monday to talk to him as his sisters (heather the one i get on with really well ) daughter gets married and we have been invited as a family i have to drive to his house tomorrow ... i love his mother dearly ....he is the only boy and he has 4 sisters .... and also his father an the fact that i havent got a mom n dad makes me love them just that little bit more ........ heather really wants me to go to the wedding .... i want to spend sunday with his mum and dad cos i guess it will be the last time i see them then when ant is out seeing his mum monday morning and his mum and dad are shopping and the house is empty just me and dave ....this is the time that i have to tell him it is over and why it is over ...i am not one for rows or shouting cos i dont believe it gets you anywhere ....you just end up saying things that you dont really mean...then i will leave to get antony and come home ...i cant say goodbye to his mom and dad ...it will hurt nearly as much as saying goodbye to him...... this is the only way i can do it so that i dont hurt anyone or ruin heathers daughters day cos i get on with them so well as well....the thing that im not looking forward to is having to sleep in the same bed as him ...but what else can i do

this is what i thought .....but all these things have to come from him and if he really wants to make a go of it he will think of these things himself .......wont he .... or is it just my wishfull thinking

i think that the only way that i can even try to forgive him for this is if there is some sort of commitment from him ....like he moves in with us and the computer goes off when we go to bed ....and he doesnt stay up half the night on it or get up in the middle of the night to go on it ( witch is what he does ).... he has 4 sisters that live near his mum that can all help to look after them .....but this must come from him ...i am not going to suggest it ...he has to ....but i dont think he will ...i think he was just using me till something better came allong and the only reason was his son...he hasnt anywhere for his son to go thats why he said he is happy the way things are

his son knows all about it ...i didnt intend for him to find out ....... he came home unexpectedly and heard me crying when i was talking to my daughter about it and he also saw the email as we have a shaired email account and he read it before me ..... antony came to me just 9 months after i met dave he was living with his mum and step father and had run away 10 times before and his dad always marched him back to his mums...i only met antony in the august as he ran to me in the november ...he ran to me cos he knew i wouldnt march him back to his mums he was just 15 at the time and at that age where he didnt know who or what he was he was hard work he stole money from me lied cheated ...drove me up the wall till at the end of january i had had enough after he stole £200 off me that was the straw that broke the cammels back i had 3 children of my own and not one of them had treated me with such disrespect as antony had done ..... i blew my top and said to him that he had to go ....i didnt care where he went i didnt care if i lost his dad threw it ( i hadnt let my guard down at that time ) he just had to go cos i wasnt being treated like this .......... he walked out ...went missing for 2 hours ...and im ashamed to say ...i didnt give a damm....that is the honest truth . i didnt .......he came back in and i just looked at him he threw his arms arround me and said he was sorry he had sat down and thought about all the rotten things that he had done to the only person who had tryed to understand him .....from that day on he has never lied to me i trust him with my life he hasnt stolen from me he has attended everyday that he had to be in school and gone on to collage to study building and passed 6 exams this summer and he says he wouldnt have done it if it wasnt for me...i say he did it himself ....i just pointed him in the right direction .....i guess the point that i am trying to make is that his dad every time antony stole from me lied ( and there were many many times ) his dad said to him and instilled into him.....be sure your lies will find you out ............ i wont in any way stop ...try to infulence ....or call antonys dad in front of him ....i didnt do it to my own and im not going to do it to him ....... you know what antony said to me tonight ........he said im supposed to look up to my dad and be proud to say ....thats my dad ....but im not ....cos all as he has done is lie to me as well .......... i will keep helping antony and encourageing him to see his dad ....and to work hard at collage ...... his dad is the one that has hurt him not me ....

i have just been sitting here looking at the top of the main page ...this is my first time on here ..... and i suddenly saw the birthdays list .....16 21 28 19 ....then i think of my age .............. here i am at 52 pouring my heart out cos i cant handle what has happened to me ...you would think at my age i would know what to do ..... i am so sorry if any of you think i am to old for this ..... i guess what im trying to say is no matter how old you get you still get hurt .... i might be 52 but right at this moment i feel like a 16 year old who has just been hurt buy her first boyfriend i really hope that you all understand that age is just a number .... and that just cos u get older it doesnt mean that u cant get hur

as i sit here and my heart is breaking in 2 not being able to sleep or eat i know in my heart (what is left of it ) that it is the right thing to do ill get over it but god alone knows when it took 12 years last time ... its my birthday on tuesday i will be 53 in another 12 years i will be 65 am i really going to want to try and start again.................. i dont think so ............... i never thought that i would let this happen to me again ....but there u go it has ...im starting to wonder if there is something wrong with me ..................... everyone says he is the fool including his older sister who knows all about this but has promised not to say anything till i have spoken to him...she is so angry with him you wouldnt believe ...but that doesnt help me i know i can still have the contact with his family ...i have his son living with me and he doesnt want to go he wants to stay with me and has lost respect for his dad ...i dont want him loosing respect for him but how can i tell him to have respect ......... i also dont want to know what he is doing after the split ...but i want to keep in touch with heather ...my head is going round and round in curcles and nothing seems to be coming together ...only one thing ...i have to end it and it is breaking my heart

thanks for telling me what i already knew but you know what it is like you have to hear it somany times before it sinks in.... i love this man with all my heart ...i had spent 12 years on my own before i let him into my life then i waited 12 months to let the guards down he knew how badly i had been hurt b 4 .....what kind of man does this to a woman ...bless her my mum before she died said to me ...babs stay on your own you are the only one u can trust dont trust men ....im starting to wonder why the hell didnt i listen to her ....thanks again everyone ... i have a job to do this weekend ....... i have to let go of the love of my life .........not going to be easy .... but i have to p.s. i will let you know how i get on when i come back monday ....if im in any fit state

my man is living with his mum and dad cos there both sick ppl he comes to my place weekends (fri to mon ) we have been together for nearly 3 years and we live 50 miles appart last year arround this time i went to his house for the weekend and i was on his computer looking for his music i clicked on what i thought was a music file only to find he had been having cyber sex with some women cams the lot i read it all i felt sick stormed out of the room and said i was going he said whyyyyyyyy i said look at your computer ...thats y (i had left the messages on there) he begged me not to leave that it only happened the once in a moment of madness and wouldnt happen again he later deleeted and blocked all the womens names that he used to chat with and just left mine and our familys name on there then last friday when he came .... he was different ...i reconised the signs from last year he was acting the same as he was last year only i didnt see it ...this time it was as clear as a bell esp when we went to bed on sat he did something that i dont want to go into turned over went to sleep i got up and threw my guts up he has never used me like that b 4 i felt like a sex object i couldnt sleep so i went on the net went to his emails and found all these emails from women answering his emails to him ...one even went into detales about her past breakups and told him thats why che couldnt tell him face to face on monday before he went home i confronted him with this all and he said they were his backgammon friends and that they had emailed him ...he went home and promptly changed his email password then today i got an email from an old friend that knows me and dave she thought we had split up when i asked her y she thought that she said cos dave has just joined the same on line dateing as she was in...on monday he said it was all in my head that i was being silly and that he was happy with me n didnt want to chang anything and today i find hes emailing loads of women in a dateing agency saying hes single and wants fun or more ....dont know u tell me ..if you can