Broken_walk

Dude its a F U C K ing pain in tha A S S, going threw this. I didnt mean to do what i did the other night, and i told her and hope she understand that ill never love anyone like her the way i have. Im falling apart trying to make sense of it all, and tryin to give her space. I want to just run up to her pour all my feelings out, kiss her again, and want her to feel the same back. This waiting s h i t isnt gonna work out for me long.

Dude its a F U C K ing pain in tha A S S, going threw this. I didnt mean to do what i did the other night, and i told her and hope she understand that ill never love anyone like her the way i have. Im falling apart trying to make sense of it all, and tryin to give her space. I want to just run up to her pour all my feelings out, kiss her again, and want her to feel the same back. This waiting s h i t isnt gonna work out for me long.

OK listen to this...last night i went out with a few girls outta town after my ex and i talked. We drank alittle and things got outta hand and i had sex multiple times. This morning when i posted this my brother went out to skate, now hes friends with my ex g/f's brother and he knew wut i did last night. So he told her...she called me and was upset. W.T.F? ok if shes gonna b like that then im not sure what she wants. And how im suppost to approach this? She still seriously loves me and doesnt even know why but doesnt want a boyfriend. I know im repeating myself and u have given me good answers, and it helps but im still confused seriously. Maybe im retarded.

I've been dating her for about 6 months, and it was, and still is the best relationship I've ever experienced. We had such a strong love, though it seems funny, because we haven't been together that long, but we've bonded...as I thought. But I mean we had trust and all that good stuff. She was the first g/f that actually cared what I did. I smoked a lot, (cigarettes and pot) and drank occasionally, and yes I am underage. But she helped me threw it all, and came to realize that is not who I am. She cared and loved so much she had me. I knew I could be with this person forever. I live down the street from her and almost every night I would walk over to her window and get in threw there cuz it was late and her parents would freak. But we would cuddle, mess around...not sex, and talk threw the night. And then one night it got outta hand and we had sex. It was her first time, she was a virgin, I told her I wouldn't push her into it and it was her choice. So after that we would "do it" almost every other night. She says now she has no regrets of what we did together. Anyway... Then summer arrived and we ended up being gone a lot to visit family and junk. She would visit her dad in Houston for weeks and I would be visiting family. We talked and got together when we were home hanging out. But then the week before Independence day i had to go to this Pole vaulting camp that my father decided would help me out with it, since he was a pole vaulter too he thought I'd be nice that I would get more into it. So I left for a week and a half and every day I was gone I thought about her. I also had things going on in my life that have kept me down and depressed. Like... My parents have never really loved each other, probably only got married cuz they had me.....so now they r getting a divorce...my grandparents on my dads side of the family tell me im a fuk up and I need to go to Military school...and when im around them im the most polite nice kid ever, its jacked up, and my dad wants to put me to military school...and were moving to Virginia, but when my mom divorces him we stay here....my life is gone sooo *beep* far down hill and all this other junk on top of me. And this is when i NEED her the most! And she throws my heart away almost. But anyway...Independence day, i was like yes! i get to see her! So i called...the fist thing she said was "Bret...i didn't want to say this over the phone, but i want to break up." So immediately i thought she was after some other guy. You know how it works... So she started crying cuz i thought she was gonna go out with some other guy. And said i must have never trusted her. She now she just wants to be friends and said she doesn't want a boy friend right now. But i need her, I've fallen sooo deeply in love with her, shes made my life a hell of alot better and made me realize how special i really am. I feel like a *beep*, but yes i cry every night when i think about her... how i must have ruined her having sex with her. I broke her and i thought it was special, tho ive had sex with many others, she meant the most. The God honest truth. So i call friends that day, my best friend told me she talked to him about breaking up with me and the whole deal. My friend told me that she was talking to this OTHER GUY. This guy is 20...she is 16...the guy is her best friends older brother, he recently got outta jail!, is balding!, and does all sorts of drugs(maybe not anymore i don't know). I called her again and got pissed cuz i thought this, she cried again saying that she didn't like him like that. I thought she wouldn't even think about a guy like that. She's one of thos really clean and Christian girls, tho has a bad girl inside. I still talk to her, she still tells me she loves me and cares for me just the same...just different in a way i guess. Now its been 2 weeks of torture for me, ive thought about death, tho im not the crazy type...shes made me crazy. I talked to her last night from now and she said she did like this 20 year old punk, but never messed with him. I told her what i felt. I think she just needs space i guess. I've come to the conclusion that maybe she was scared of a serious relationship...tho shes had a few before, but now needs space. I'm scared to give her space, because i might loose her. My heart is broken im resorting back to drugs and smoking *beep*. My life is *beep* i Need someone to reach out and talk to me. My friends try to help and girls i know try, but im still lost. Please help me, tell me what i need to know. I'm loosing my mind.