WMTH1234

Well, I've come to the realization it's likely not going to happen for me, but my sister and her boyfriend just got back together. They were together about 1.5 years and are both in their mid-20s. She dumped him in January when he went back to Canada after his visa expired (which was super cruel of her tbh) and she seemed to have lost all feelings for him at the time. However, they kept in contact and the break-up somehow turned into a (sort of) break. He just came back to the US last week and they moved back in together. He's also back as part of our family chat group. They were separated 5 months. I've stopped taking hope from these stories. Unfortunately, even if 90% get back together, it's not necessarily going to shed light on your own situation. However - I've read this thread so many times that it only feels right to update it with new stories as I hear them.

Actually! Just thought of a few more (though I wouldn't say all of them are positive): (1) My ex's parents were apart for a year or so - he was abroad and she dated and was about to marry another guy. I don't know the details, but apparently swooped back in the nick of time. She still tells him how lucky he is because the other guy was evidently rich and from a successful, well-connected family. (2) One of my best guy friends keeps getting back together with his baby mama, sometimes after years apart. However - their relationship is super volatile and I'm honestly not sure it's a good thing they keep getting back together. (3) My ex's sister was with this guy who kept not putting in enough effort, although she really loved him and kept going out of her way to make it work for them. They broke up several times during that period but always got back together. Finally, after breaking up with her, she effectively breaks up with him - telling him that it's over for real. They are apart a long time (maybe a year?) when he comes crawling back, trying to make it work. She, at this point, is totally over him and tells him to go take a hike.

This thread is great - truly has helped me in my healing process. Just some notes on takeaways before my reconciliation stories: 1) For those of you asking "what are your chances" - know that (a) no one can predict the chances of reconciliation in your situation, (b) stories with similar fact patterns are not indicative of what may happen, and (c) there is nothing you can do to increase your chances of reconciliation. Be the best version of yourself and focus on yourself. However, also be easy on yourselves - I believe there is a certain period during the healing process where your brain desperately wants assurances, answers, certainty in the future, etc. You can't help but seek answers, but that need will fade in time as you heal. Similarly, early in the healing process it is impossible to focus on yourself. However, keep taking the right actions and eventually it will happen. You may not think any healing is happening, even when you're doing all the right things, but you'll eventually be able to look back and be happy that you created new memories and improved yourself during that time you were completely miserable. 2) What this thread has brought home is that everything outside of my own actions is out of my control. I can only focus being on the best person I can be and that is the only way I can impact my future. I cannot make anyone else do or feel anything. This extends to the idea that, even though I have control of my actions and how I interact with others, no matter what I do, I cannot do things to guarantee that another person will love or appreciate me. That has to come from them. 3) Related to (2), I have reached the following mentality which has helped me to heal. I am (very) open to reconciliation with my ex because I believe we are incredibly compatible and make each other better. However, that is only how I see our relationship. If he does not view our relationship in that way, all it means is that we were not actually that compatible because we clearly don't see eye-to-eye on this topic. What is meant to be will be, and I deserve a relationship better than the one I had before (because I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is giving me 100%). Whether this is with my ex or someone new, I can't say - but I know it will be better because I won't accept anything less. Ok! Now onto what everyone wants to hear: (1) My very best friend and her boyfriend originally met the year after college. I think they were together a year or so, but then he was deployed. During his deployment, she felt neglected. Specifically, he wouldn't call or message her even when she saw he was online. She broke up with him and told him to never contact her again. She took the break-up pretty hard (her mom came up to stay with her for a while) but then completely moved on - never expected to hear from him again. About 9 months after the break-up, he reaches out, they reconnect, and they begin dating again. They've always had a bit of a volatile relationship (breaking up for a few days at a time when they get angry with each other), but did get married this past December - 8 years (minus 9 months) after they first got together. (2) Another one of my good friends just got back with her ex. They met in law school and had dated about 4 or 5 years. She always admired him intellectually, but honestly she is a bit of a commitment-phobe and never seemed truly head over heels for him. About 6 months to a year ago (not quite certain of the timeline), she breaks up with him because she finds he lied about something. She said it wasn't cheating or anything, it was something small, but evidently it was a deal breaker for her. They stayed in contact as friends (she offered his help to me when I recently moved lol) and just recently got back together. Again, she doesn't really seem that into him, so who knows what will happen in the long run. (3) A girl I just met told me her reconciliation story. She had met these two guys, A and B, around the same time. She dated them both casually, but really fell in love with A. Well - A was recently separated from his wife, but called off his relationship with my friend when he and his wife decided to try and make it work. My friend was devastated, but decides to just move on with B. B and her move in together. Even though A broke up with her, he stays in contact during this time. Eventually, A and his wife realize they can't make it work and decide to finalize the separation. A then begins to seriously pursue my friend again. About a year after my friend met A and B, she realizes its not working with B and that she really wants to be with A. She just recently moved countries to be with A and they are getting a dog and talking about marriage.