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  1. I'm sorry you're going through this - the pain is, unfortunately, something we cannot control. One thing that comes through in your OP is both you and your ex were unhappy in the relationship. You were unhappy with how he treated you, he was unhappy with the drama and feeling like you were asking too much of him. It's something that may not be possible until further down the road (when your emotions are not as much in control), but it's always helpful to rationally evaluate the relationship and consider whether your needs were being met, whether the two of you were actually compatible, a
  2. @lastchampion I'm sorry you're going through this, and thank you for asking! I know this isn't what you want to hear, but (at least in my experience), one month is early in the healing process. However, I hope knowing this allows you to forgive yourself and understand that it's truly not your fault that your emotions are swinging back and forth like this. Honestly - I'm six months in, and my emotions are still not fully settled (though it's finally started to get better). I have had other relationships and break-ups in the past, but this is definitely the one that has hit me the
  3. @Jambalaya421 Hi, truly sorry if it was unclear - I actually wasn't looking for advice and didn't need realize that was a requirement of the forum (not being snarky, I really don't typically use internet forums and don't know the etiquette). I have mostly being reading archived threads and many times people seem to use the forum as a journal/place to put thoughts and information they've found useful in their own healing/thought process (as well as a place to ask for advice). I very much appreciate and hope others can point out flaws in my logic or alternative ways of thinking ab
  4. Here's an interesting analogy that you might find useful if you're dealing with self-esteem issues post-break up and/or looking for a way to conceptualize the need for self-improvement (if you're thinking - why should I have to change myself to make other people appreciate me). Self-improvement We are all precious gem stones. Different types of gem stones, and each one unique due to the individual set of circumstances and environment in which it was created. At first, a gem stone looks like an ordinary rock. Some people are able to tell that what looks to be just a rock is actu
  5. I think the advice you've been given here is extremely helpful and accurate. Just one more thing to throw in there - it's probably very obvious (and something you've already done), but I always think it's helpful to take a moment to try and see things from her perspective. Especially in that time apart - just as you went to lean on other people to try and make yourself feel better, evidently so did she. However, she's back and wants to commit. If she didn't have feelings for you, she would have stayed with those other people. You said she didn't fight for the relationship and just we
  6. She has to decide, with her husband, if they think they can work on things and if he can/wants to change. If he can't, or doesn't want to, or if she doesn't trust his answer, she then has decide what she'll do about it. Even if they talk about it to work things out, she has to decide whether she can believe his commitment to changing or whether nothing he can do will ever repair the trust. You're not an arbiter of a person's character (especially a stranger you don't know). You can hold the belief that people never feel guilt, never change, never improve, and are defined by one mistake or
  7. Hi Jambalaya, I respect your opinion, but I know my reasoning and my life and have decided upon my own rationality. I also know my prior relationship and my former partner. I also know I was my best self in the relationship and gave 100%. I have also been my best self in how I handled the break-up. He is at fault - but only in the sense that there are times in life when we realize we need to be alone and make decisions. I do not fault him for that. He is not responsible for my emotions or to make me happy. Each person needs to make their own decisions and decided on what is needed fo
  8. Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this and you seem to be in shock - rumination on small details is sometimes the only way the brain can handle vast emotional distress, which I'm sure you're experiencing. I don't know you or your marriage, so I am not going to make the hasty judgment that you have to immediately leave, or get divorced, or that this is unsalvageable. However, he is still your husband and you are still in a relationship with him - he is the only person who can answer your questions and the only person you will get a satisfactory answer from. Unfortunately, it se
  9. Yeah - I mean, people do reconcile, but it's all a matter of timing...and that's the annoying thing with the future, it is literally impossible to know what is going to happen when or who you're going to meet. The only (rational) option is just to be happy with your life as it is, live each moment when it happens, and then follow your brain/heart when something actually happens that gives you an opportunity to make a decision. Other than choosing not to actively contact someone, there's really nothing to worry about. The status quo is already that the person is gone and you're not talking
  10. Hi everyone, Even six months in, I sometimes have moments where I need reminders about all the reasons I should stay NIC (my ex-BF left me in October). We had an amicable break-up, though I still miss him terribly and truly want reconciliation (however, I also understand the break-up - it needed to happen and he needs to figure himself out and what he wants). Please feel free to add your own reasons! I have found, to resist the urge to reach out, that it's helpful to just review all the rational reasons for the decision I have made. Also, please don't tell me to drop my hopes fo
  11. I'm a long time lurker, but joined ENA mostly to add stories to my favorite thread: Now that I've branched out to other thread and boards, I must say that the amount of negativity and identifying oneself as the victim I see is shocking. Obviously, everyone needs to process their own life and emotions however they see fit, but I believe that advice stemming from this outlook can cause people to develop harmful barriers to relationships with future partners, romantic or otherwise. To be fair, I don't believe many people even realize they are playing the victim. However, in case
  12. I agree with the advice above, but I disagree with those somehow suggesting that you’re at fault for getting involved or for your feelings for her. At times, I’ve gotten immediately out of relationships and been able to very much attach in the next relationship that occurred very soon after; other times, it is impossible to do so because you realize you need to process the end of the relationship. In relationships, there are no “rules” that always hold true. Each one is different because the people involved and the situations are unique. Unfortunately, you couldn’t know this was going to
  13. Actually! Just thought of a few more (though I wouldn't say all of them are positive): (1) My ex's parents were apart for a year or so - he was abroad and she dated and was about to marry another guy. I don't know the details, but apparently swooped back in the nick of time. She still tells him how lucky he is because the other guy was evidently rich and from a successful, well-connected family. (2) One of my best guy friends keeps getting back together with his baby mama, sometimes after years apart. However - their relationship is super volatile and I'm honestly not sure it's a goo
  14. This thread is great - truly has helped me in my healing process. Just some notes on takeaways before my reconciliation stories: 1) For those of you asking "what are your chances" - know that (a) no one can predict the chances of reconciliation in your situation, (b) stories with similar fact patterns are not indicative of what may happen, and (c) there is nothing you can do to increase your chances of reconciliation. Be the best version of yourself and focus on yourself. However, also be easy on yourselves - I believe there is a certain period during the healing process where your b
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