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WMTH1234

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  1. Well, I've come to the realization it's likely not going to happen for me, but my sister and her boyfriend just got back together. They were together about 1.5 years and are both in their mid-20s. She dumped him in January when he went back to Canada after his visa expired (which was super cruel of her tbh) and she seemed to have lost all feelings for him at the time. However, they kept in contact and the break-up somehow turned into a (sort of) break. He just came back to the US last week and they moved back in together. He's also back as part of our family chat group. They were separated 5 months. I've stopped taking hope from these stories. Unfortunately, even if 90% get back together, it's not necessarily going to shed light on your own situation. However - I've read this thread so many times that it only feels right to update it with new stories as I hear them.
  2. I'm sorry you're going through this - the pain is, unfortunately, something we cannot control. One thing that comes through in your OP is both you and your ex were unhappy in the relationship. You were unhappy with how he treated you, he was unhappy with the drama and feeling like you were asking too much of him. It's something that may not be possible until further down the road (when your emotions are not as much in control), but it's always helpful to rationally evaluate the relationship and consider whether your needs were being met, whether the two of you were actually compatible, and whether you'd want to have to be constantly asking someone for the attention you feel you deserve for the rest of your life. Something that's really hit home for me during the healing process is that we cannot force others to act a certain way and you cannot make someone love you. This isn't only the case after the relationship has ended, but also is the case in the relationship itself. Just be your best self and the right person will treat you the way you want and deserve. If you are demanding someone to act a certain way, it is likely out of fear and neediness - your fear that their lack of affection is a prelude to them leaving, and your need to receive signs of their love in order to be happy. Optimally, we should all be happy with our selves with the additional person's presence as a bonus. Alternatively (to reacting out of fear and neediness - though it's nothing to be ashamed of, those are emotions will all have to struggle you overcome) if you're demanding a person to act a certain way, it may mean they're the wrong person for you because they don't have the capacity to fulfill your needs.
  3. @lastchampion I'm sorry you're going through this, and thank you for asking! I know this isn't what you want to hear, but (at least in my experience), one month is early in the healing process. However, I hope knowing this allows you to forgive yourself and understand that it's truly not your fault that your emotions are swinging back and forth like this. Honestly - I'm six months in, and my emotions are still not fully settled (though it's finally started to get better). I have had other relationships and break-ups in the past, but this is definitely the one that has hit me the hardest. I did, and still do, think we had the most amazing relationship and connection. However, my ex had personal issues he needed to sort out (and they were affecting the relationship, though I honestly was not bothered by them) and evidently he decided it was only possible for him to sort those things out without me around. It hurt(s) so unbelievably much - I was shocked that I could feel that depth of emotional pain honestly. I am the type of person who typically is able to fully control everything around me and I usually don't get stressed or anxious. However, I have felt every strong negative emotion, except anger, during these past six months (anxiety, depression, overwhelming sadness, fear, hopelessness, you name it). It has been hard to deal with it - especially because I do harbor hopes for reconciliation. The relationship ended amicably (though it was completely one-sided, in that I didn't want it at all) so we have had some contact. We have mostly been in NC though (for months at a time) - not as an agreed-upon rule or anything, but because I think we both need space from each other in order to deal with our own emotions at the moment. I exercise and walk a lot, and I'm working remotely so have taken the opportunity to travel and work remotely from those new locations. I am very rational and analytical, so I have felt the need to analyze all of my internal thoughts and responses to what's going on so that I can have a narrative and approach to the situation that matches my values and see the world. One of the hardest things to accept is that I can't have control in the situation, but that my belief in compassion and empathy demands that I need to respect and accept other people's choices. I also very firmly believe that no one is responsible for our emotions other than ourselves - that has been a huge driver in me realizing that, if I feel bad, I'm the one who has to take care of it. It's not my ex's responsibility to make me feel better. Hope this helps in any way!
  4. @Jambalaya421 Hi, truly sorry if it was unclear - I actually wasn't looking for advice and didn't need realize that was a requirement of the forum (not being snarky, I really don't typically use internet forums and don't know the etiquette). I have mostly being reading archived threads and many times people seem to use the forum as a journal/place to put thoughts and information they've found useful in their own healing/thought process (as well as a place to ask for advice). I very much appreciate and hope others can point out flaws in my logic or alternative ways of thinking about things. But, honestly, this was not really a post in which I was asking for advice. I just find it helpful, after spending a long time trying to sort through my thoughts and figure out what viewpoint and rational resonates with my personal value system and outlook, to write it down for future reference. I also have a personal journal but, as other things people have posted here have been useful for me as I sort things out in my own mind, I also thought it made sense to put some of thoughts in this forum for posterity. @Batya33 That does make so much sense - I'm so happy it worked out for you! A requirement for a strong relationship seems to be that both people in the relationship need to be happy with themselves as individuals and happy with their own individual lives. Without that, you have the sort of insecurities, dependencies, and that will eventually cause a relationship to fail.
  5. Here's an interesting analogy that you might find useful if you're dealing with self-esteem issues post-break up and/or looking for a way to conceptualize the need for self-improvement (if you're thinking - why should I have to change myself to make other people appreciate me). Self-improvement We are all precious gem stones. Different types of gem stones, and each one unique due to the individual set of circumstances and environment in which it was created. At first, a gem stone looks like an ordinary rock. Some people are able to tell that what looks to be just a rock is actually a gem stone. Many people stop at that point with relationships: well, if he couldn't see that I was a gem stone, no matter my external state, that's his loss. And of course that happens - theoretically, the most deserving people will be able to see your value regardless of the circumstances. However, we are both the gem stone and the jewelers in this analogy. If we can polish ourselves (improve our inherent character and values), find what cut best highlights our inherent brilliance (do things that we're passionate about and excel at), put ourselves in beautiful ring and necklace settings (surround ourselves with good people, dress well, take care of our bodies, etc.), obviously there will be more people that recognize our value. Even better, we will know we have improved ourselves and can always continue to polish and improve. You have the ability to raise your own value and shape yourself in a way that improves on the valuable human you already are. You never need to chase However, we can take this analogy even further. Once you are cut and polished, your brilliance highlighted against a black velvet background, you do not need to advertise yourself. In fact, those things of highest quality are never advertised - you don't get sales flyers in your inbox for theses types of items, reminders that they exist, etc. They don't need to be advertised. Maybe, because they're not advertised, the general population won't know about these rare, high quality jewels. But that doesn't matter. It is actually better - only the people who actually can afford the gem stone are in the know. Moreover, as each gem stone is unique (or, at this point, each carefully crafted piece of jewelry set around the gem stone is unique), once it finds a home, it is gone. Have you ever gone shopping and seen something you want? However, for whatever reason, you aren't able to purchase it or have qualms. If it's something that truly caught your interest, you'll keep thinking about it. At some point, you'll start to get panicky: what if it's gone? What if someone else purchased it? What if that was my only chance? You don't need to chase or advertise yourself. Your inherent quality will speak on its own. Furthermore, because we are humans and can continuously improve ourselves without limit (unlike objects), even between the time someone first sees you and then comes back for a second look, you can continue to polish and improve yourself. If someone doesn't recognize your value, that's their problem Even if you're the most incredibly, polished, perfectly cut and displayed diamond ring - acknowledged by the rest of society to be of immense rarity and value - there will always be a person who prefers an emerald. You can't change that you're a diamond, nor should you want to. Furthermore, you deserve to be admired and appreciated for what you are. You don't even want someone who, every time they look down at their hand, thinks "yeah this is nice - but I really wanted an emerald." Sadly, some people won't even realize they prefer emeralds until they first see if they like diamonds. But remember, that loss is theirs. You are what you are and, moreover, you have made yourself into the most valuable version of yourself possible. If you have done your best, and you are still not valued, that person was just looking for something different than you. But that doesn't decrease your value in any sense. It just means they aren't right for you and don't deserve you - because you know your value and you know that whoever is lucky enough to have you needs to appreciate you. Caveat The biggest problem with this analogy is, obviously, that humans are not objects and people in relationships do not "own" or "purchase" one another. Regardless of this flaw, I found this analogy fun, useful, and uplifting so just thought I would share!
  6. I think the advice you've been given here is extremely helpful and accurate. Just one more thing to throw in there - it's probably very obvious (and something you've already done), but I always think it's helpful to take a moment to try and see things from her perspective. Especially in that time apart - just as you went to lean on other people to try and make yourself feel better, evidently so did she. However, she's back and wants to commit. If she didn't have feelings for you, she would have stayed with those other people. You said she didn't fight for the relationship and just went along with it, but leaving a marriage is hard, even if it's something that you want. She was leaving her home, her family, and what she knew as familiar - she was likely also sad, scared, confused, unsure how to handle this new freedom and independence. She went to other people because she didn't want to be alone or know how to be alone. She clearly did not find it sufficient replacement for what she had with you. What matters in the end is that you have both decided to try and make it work again. Instead of just focusing on how you feel about what happened and assume that your interpretation of her feelings is correct, try to have empathy for her feelings as well. Again, I'm sure this is something you're already doing, but I believe an excess of empathy and compassion and forgiveness never hurt!
  7. She has to decide, with her husband, if they think they can work on things and if he can/wants to change. If he can't, or doesn't want to, or if she doesn't trust his answer, she then has decide what she'll do about it. Even if they talk about it to work things out, she has to decide whether she can believe his commitment to changing or whether nothing he can do will ever repair the trust. You're not an arbiter of a person's character (especially a stranger you don't know). You can hold the belief that people never feel guilt, never change, never improve, and are defined by one mistake or bad act. That is your right. You can choose to interact with others based on that viewpoint. But that does not mean that is the correct view or that everyone else also has to hold that view.
  8. Hi Jambalaya, I respect your opinion, but I know my reasoning and my life and have decided upon my own rationality. I also know my prior relationship and my former partner. I also know I was my best self in the relationship and gave 100%. I have also been my best self in how I handled the break-up. He is at fault - but only in the sense that there are times in life when we realize we need to be alone and make decisions. I do not fault him for that. He is not responsible for my emotions or to make me happy. Each person needs to make their own decisions and decided on what is needed for them to be happy with themselves. Regardless, I hate that phrase "letting go of hope." What is "letting go of hope"? The universe and future are unknowable and I have no control over another person. Maybe I will find someone else I love, maybe I won't. Maybe we will reconcile, maybe we won't. It's a probability out of many and to deny its possibility is to deny one of the many paths my future may take, just as if I denied that I may find someone else I love in the meantime. Everyone chooses to approach life differently and do what is necessary to heal from a break-up. I have realized I need to stop trying to control things around me and accept what is my current reality. But one can always hope, as long as one's life choices are dependent on a particular outcome. Additionally, healing takes different people different amounts of time. I don't believe I will ever be opposed to reconciliation (unless I am in a much happier relationship with someone else), so - to me - healing means moving to a place where I am happy regardless of whether that outcome happens.
  9. Hi OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this and you seem to be in shock - rumination on small details is sometimes the only way the brain can handle vast emotional distress, which I'm sure you're experiencing. I don't know you or your marriage, so I am not going to make the hasty judgment that you have to immediately leave, or get divorced, or that this is unsalvageable. However, he is still your husband and you are still in a relationship with him - he is the only person who can answer your questions and the only person you will get a satisfactory answer from. Unfortunately, it seems that there is substantial distrust between the two. You very reasonably distrust him because he cheated on you and appears to be continuing to lie on you. He likely distrusts you because he feels manipulated and threatened. Regardless of how you choose to approach this (it is your life and your decision - don't let internet strangers bully you into what to do), remember that you will continue to be anxious and miserable as long as you distrust your husband. Find your own answer on how to solve this problem. However, if you don't solve it, you will continue to be miserable. Something that absolutely will not solve this problem is ignoring it and hoping it just goes away. At minimum, you need to confront him about what's going on, how it makes it feel, what his feelings are, and what your plans are as a couple going forward to deal with this issue. I'm sure you are in tremendous pain, and this will take lots of strength and courage to move forward. I know you have it in you, and you will be stronger and better for the experience whatever happens.
  10. Yeah - I mean, people do reconcile, but it's all a matter of timing...and that's the annoying thing with the future, it is literally impossible to know what is going to happen when or who you're going to meet. The only (rational) option is just to be happy with your life as it is, live each moment when it happens, and then follow your brain/heart when something actually happens that gives you an opportunity to make a decision. Other than choosing not to actively contact someone, there's really nothing to worry about. The status quo is already that the person is gone and you're not talking to them. And I guess we'll just have to see how I feel if there arises an opportunity where I get to make a decision (though, as someone in their 30s who has already been previously married and been in an 10+ year relationship in the past, I'm pretty confident about what I want - and I know I will only accept as good or better than I had. And I had it unimaginably good with my ex.)
  11. Hi everyone, Even six months in, I sometimes have moments where I need reminders about all the reasons I should stay NIC (my ex-BF left me in October). We had an amicable break-up, though I still miss him terribly and truly want reconciliation (however, I also understand the break-up - it needed to happen and he needs to figure himself out and what he wants). Please feel free to add your own reasons! I have found, to resist the urge to reach out, that it's helpful to just review all the rational reasons for the decision I have made. Also, please don't tell me to drop my hopes for reconciliation - you don't know my life or relationship. I already understand that it may not happen. However, I am open to it and there is no certainty (in all areas of life) about what will happen in the future. And, while the primary reasons for no-contact should be to help yourself heal, I always find that more reasons are better than fewer. Regardless, what these lists makes clear is that - whatever your goal - no contact (or at least NIC) is the best way to go! Compassionate reasons: I need to respect his wishes to not have me in his life Every person has the right to decide who they want to talk to or not - it's selfish to try to get attention from someone who doesn't want to give it to you My reasons for wanting to contact him are selfish and self-serving (i.e. reconciliation), and I care about him so I should understand that what he wants at the moment is for me to leave him alone He needs this space and time to figure himself out Self-healing reasons: I respect myself enough to not try to seek attention from someone who doesn't appreciate it/reciprocate If I stay in contact with him, it will make it harder for me to heal and emotionally detach I will cause myself emotional pain by interacting with him when he clearly doesn't have feelings for me I don't want to be in his life as a second choice or option; I will only interact with him if he chooses me and recognize the value I add to his life I am also not ready to be in a relationship (with him or anybody) until I have healed and am happy with my life as it currently is; there is no reason to try to reach out until I am healed and at the point where I don't need him Reconciliation reasons: Contacting him when he doesn't want to be with him will just push him further away I need to leave him alone in order for him to miss me I want him to have the realization that he want to be with me on his own; I don't want someone to be with me because they feel pressured or guilted into doing so He is going through his own issues; until he resolves those issues, there's no point in trying to talk to him. Only he can tell me when he has resolved his issues I don't want him to just use me for emotional support during this period and then move on to someone else when he's resolved his issues In order to respect me and be attracted to me, he needs to recognize that I'm strong and independent and don't need him for my happiness; by staying in NIC, I am able to show him my strength of character
  12. I'm a long time lurker, but joined ENA mostly to add stories to my favorite thread: Now that I've branched out to other thread and boards, I must say that the amount of negativity and identifying oneself as the victim I see is shocking. Obviously, everyone needs to process their own life and emotions however they see fit, but I believe that advice stemming from this outlook can cause people to develop harmful barriers to relationships with future partners, romantic or otherwise. To be fair, I don't believe many people even realize they are playing the victim. However, in cases where you are saying "an ex is an ex for a reason," or "reconciliation is impossible because people never change," or even that "someone who loves you never leaves," you are playing the victim because you are viewing the world from the perspective that only your viewpoint and emotions are valid. To extrapolate: if you see your SO leaving as them inflicting an injury upon you, you are viewing yourself as a victim, with them as the injuring party. In doing so you (1) invalidate their emotions and experience, (2) view your emotions and viewpoint as the only worthwhile perspective on what occurred, (3) believe that they are incapable of autonomy and the ability to decide what's best for themselves. You are invalidating your ex's emotions and experience because you are effectively saying that they couldn't have a good reason for their choice. I think it's important to understand that everyone's decisions are made based on what they were feeling and what made sense for them at the time. If you don't accept that, you don't accept who they are. Additionally, by treating your take on the break-up and your view of their motives as the only interpretation of events ("she just got bored"; "he got GIGs"; "he's selfish and is a player who doesn't know what he wants"; "he's sending me breadcrumbs") you are missing something fundamental - we are all people, we all do things for "selfish" reason. We all are motivated to do what what makes us happy, makes us feel good, helps us improve. Why are you trying to only remember the negative about your ex? Because you think, in doing so, you will be able to stop the emotional pain you are experiencing. Additionally, in thinking they should have stayed - even if they had their reasons to go - you are basically taking the viewpoint that your happiness is more important than their own. They decided that, at that point in time, their happiness was better served by them not being with you. Why should your needs take precedent over theirs? Only your ex can know their motive for leaving - and sometimes, just like every human in certain situations, they might not even have the ability to express why they did what they did. Why should someone on the internet who doesn't know them, you, or your relationship be able to understand that motive - much less that leaving you is simply because they're a horrible person? Your ex is someone who you know well and chose to love - try to trust treat your ex's decision with the same compassion as you would treat yourself. I would also be wary of internet advice telling you that you should never take someone back or that things will never change. Why should you, much less a stranger on the internet, get to decide for your ex that they can never change or improve? I find this incredibly hypocritical, when a major focus of this forum is to take time and NC to improve yourself. Are you the only one capable of growth and change? Is no one else allowed to change their mind or to reflect on what they've done and decide they want to do it better? The only thing a person has control over is their own actions. It is important to set your boundaries because that helps you have strength in your self-worth and gives you guidelines how to live your life. If you view someone leaving your life an ultimate betrayal that you cannot forgive, you obviously have the option of cutting that person out of your life and never allowing them to return. However, I believe it is important to question whether you are doing this out of a place of fear. You fear the emotional pain caused by someone leaving. You fear that, if you let them back into your life, they will hurt you again. You fear the sense of self-doubt and loss of self-esteem that comes with someone leaving. However - those fears all originate within yourself. Another person does not cause your emotions. Another person has no responsibility for your emotions. Another person has no control over your self-esteem. The fear is an insecurity. The fear makes you selfish and allows you to play the victim - you are effectively saying that that you only want to be with someone who puts your emotions above everything else, even their own needs. Truly ask yourself if you want to be with someone who has so little self-respect that they will only do things to make you happy, even if it isn't what's best for them. Ask yourself if you're the type of person who wants to force someone to do that - and doesn't care that asking that of them makes them unhappy. We can't force another person to act or feel a certain way. However, we can choose to be open and understanding and compassionate. I have taken the stance that it is better to think the best of people, and be open to love, and understand people may sometimes need to leave my life in order to do things for themselves - just as I have sometimes left people's lives because it was important for me to do so at the time. If some of those people choose to come back, I will continue to be open and understanding. If they choose to leave again, I will continue to be open and understanding. Other people are unpredictable and out of our control. There is no certainty for how long anyone (a new partner or an old one) will be able to stay in your life - by choice, or by circumstance. Every person can, and will, change - just as you yourself continuously change. Obviously, you also should value yourself and decide what constitutes disrespect and don't allow yourself to be used or treated poorly. But if someone changes and returns showing that they have improved and their actions are loving and respectful, and if reconciliation is something you're interested, why wouldn't you allow them back into your life? I do agree that you shouldn't live hoping that someone returns - but that's just because, again, you can't totally control or predict another person will do. They might return, they might not, someone else might enter your life in the meantime. No one can tell you. Not even the person who you hope will return. But if you live your life in a way that is fulfilling to you and you are empathetic and compassionate, the people who are meant to be in your life will be in your life.
  13. I agree with the advice above, but I disagree with those somehow suggesting that you’re at fault for getting involved or for your feelings for her. At times, I’ve gotten immediately out of relationships and been able to very much attach in the next relationship that occurred very soon after; other times, it is impossible to do so because you realize you need to process the end of the relationship. In relationships, there are no “rules” that always hold true. Each one is different because the people involved and the situations are unique. Unfortunately, you couldn’t know this was going to happen until it happened. I personally believe it’s better to be open to love and connection, instead of being jaded and making blanket assumptions about how a relationship will “succeed” before it even begins based on what other people tell you are the “rules.” I also don’t think the label “rebound” relationship tells you anything useful at all. People can suddenly realize that they’re not in the emotional space to be in any sort of relationship even after being in that relationship for years. I don’t think it’s helpful to overanalyze or label it - unfortunately, due to no fault of your own, and issues that are entirely hers to deal with, she is not in the emotional place to be in a relationship with you. What you’re doing is the only right way to handle it - give her space, don’t remind her of the relationship in any way. She clearly can’t handle the responsibility or pressure of being emotionally connected with another person at the moment. She likely feels that every interaction you have with her is you seeking something from her (acknowledgment or a relationship) and that causes her pressure and anxiety she cannot handle. Absolutely do not confront her again - that will push her away and confirm (in her mind, not necessarily in reality) that you want something from her. Just try to stay as pleasant and normal with her as possible (as if she was any other coworker with whom you do not have a romantic history). If you are still too emotionally attached to do that, you should try to avoid her as much as possible. Even if you hope for reconciliation, (1) there’s nothing you can do about it now, (2) she has specifically told you that it’s something that can’t happen in the present (and likely the near term future). This is easier said than done, but that means it’s out of your control and you shouldn’t worry about it. Live in the present knowing that (in the present) it’s not something that can happen. But also don’t worry until something new happens that’s worth worrying about. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, it’s uniquely painful because it feels so confusing that an otherwise compatible, promising relationship doesn’t work.
  14. Actually! Just thought of a few more (though I wouldn't say all of them are positive): (1) My ex's parents were apart for a year or so - he was abroad and she dated and was about to marry another guy. I don't know the details, but apparently swooped back in the nick of time. She still tells him how lucky he is because the other guy was evidently rich and from a successful, well-connected family. (2) One of my best guy friends keeps getting back together with his baby mama, sometimes after years apart. However - their relationship is super volatile and I'm honestly not sure it's a good thing they keep getting back together. (3) My ex's sister was with this guy who kept not putting in enough effort, although she really loved him and kept going out of her way to make it work for them. They broke up several times during that period but always got back together. Finally, after breaking up with her, she effectively breaks up with him - telling him that it's over for real. They are apart a long time (maybe a year?) when he comes crawling back, trying to make it work. She, at this point, is totally over him and tells him to go take a hike.
  15. This thread is great - truly has helped me in my healing process. Just some notes on takeaways before my reconciliation stories: 1) For those of you asking "what are your chances" - know that (a) no one can predict the chances of reconciliation in your situation, (b) stories with similar fact patterns are not indicative of what may happen, and (c) there is nothing you can do to increase your chances of reconciliation. Be the best version of yourself and focus on yourself. However, also be easy on yourselves - I believe there is a certain period during the healing process where your brain desperately wants assurances, answers, certainty in the future, etc. You can't help but seek answers, but that need will fade in time as you heal. Similarly, early in the healing process it is impossible to focus on yourself. However, keep taking the right actions and eventually it will happen. You may not think any healing is happening, even when you're doing all the right things, but you'll eventually be able to look back and be happy that you created new memories and improved yourself during that time you were completely miserable. 2) What this thread has brought home is that everything outside of my own actions is out of my control. I can only focus being on the best person I can be and that is the only way I can impact my future. I cannot make anyone else do or feel anything. This extends to the idea that, even though I have control of my actions and how I interact with others, no matter what I do, I cannot do things to guarantee that another person will love or appreciate me. That has to come from them. 3) Related to (2), I have reached the following mentality which has helped me to heal. I am (very) open to reconciliation with my ex because I believe we are incredibly compatible and make each other better. However, that is only how I see our relationship. If he does not view our relationship in that way, all it means is that we were not actually that compatible because we clearly don't see eye-to-eye on this topic. What is meant to be will be, and I deserve a relationship better than the one I had before (because I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is giving me 100%). Whether this is with my ex or someone new, I can't say - but I know it will be better because I won't accept anything less. Ok! Now onto what everyone wants to hear: (1) My very best friend and her boyfriend originally met the year after college. I think they were together a year or so, but then he was deployed. During his deployment, she felt neglected. Specifically, he wouldn't call or message her even when she saw he was online. She broke up with him and told him to never contact her again. She took the break-up pretty hard (her mom came up to stay with her for a while) but then completely moved on - never expected to hear from him again. About 9 months after the break-up, he reaches out, they reconnect, and they begin dating again. They've always had a bit of a volatile relationship (breaking up for a few days at a time when they get angry with each other), but did get married this past December - 8 years (minus 9 months) after they first got together. (2) Another one of my good friends just got back with her ex. They met in law school and had dated about 4 or 5 years. She always admired him intellectually, but honestly she is a bit of a commitment-phobe and never seemed truly head over heels for him. About 6 months to a year ago (not quite certain of the timeline), she breaks up with him because she finds he lied about something. She said it wasn't cheating or anything, it was something small, but evidently it was a deal breaker for her. They stayed in contact as friends (she offered his help to me when I recently moved lol) and just recently got back together. Again, she doesn't really seem that into him, so who knows what will happen in the long run. (3) A girl I just met told me her reconciliation story. She had met these two guys, A and B, around the same time. She dated them both casually, but really fell in love with A. Well - A was recently separated from his wife, but called off his relationship with my friend when he and his wife decided to try and make it work. My friend was devastated, but decides to just move on with B. B and her move in together. Even though A broke up with her, he stays in contact during this time. Eventually, A and his wife realize they can't make it work and decide to finalize the separation. A then begins to seriously pursue my friend again. About a year after my friend met A and B, she realizes its not working with B and that she really wants to be with A. She just recently moved countries to be with A and they are getting a dog and talking about marriage.
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