furakura

I can totally relate to how you feel. In the first month after my breakup, i would wake up feeling like there's a hole in my heart and feel so absolutely alone but it will get better over time. I am still feeling alone and abandoned three months on, though i have learned to accept that life have to go on even without him. You can do it too!

1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)?

I would rather not to see him ever again and i seriously doubt i can be friends with him anyway cos he stated very clearly that we cannot remain friends when he dumped me. At this point in time, i hope he has found someone who can make him happy.

2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY?

1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die.

3 - I went on my life as best as I could, but there's a big hole and i miss him/her so much

3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before?

It is my 1st real break-up and it hurts a lot cos it's one of the events in a chain reaction linked to my decision to move back in with my parents three years ago. I really regret moving back cos i am moving nowhere in my chosen career, am estranged from my only sis, i'm being emotionally abused by my mom again after managing to get away for 5 years, lost my beloved pet dog and i got cut off from most of my friends.

4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply)

i) you were never dumped before by someone you cared this much

ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other

iii) my ex was my emotional rock during the LDR cos i have very serious on-going issues with my family. E.g. emotional abuse and violence - my dad physically attacked my mom twice in one night

5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection?

I would think it's more of rejection and total abandonement. His cold and cruel words still ring in my ears nearly three months on. It bites that he chose to end things the way he did.

6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off?

Totally.

I personally think breaking up in person is the most courteous way.

Nearly three months ago, I was dumped via email after a 8 months LDR and exactly two weeks after returning from visiting him. He tried the disappearing act by refusing to pick up my calls to his mobile but he failed cos i managed to get him on his landline.

Honestly, i never thought that he was such a coward and the news that he cheated on me made it more devastating for me.

1) 8 months

2) 2.5 months

3) He was lonely in the LDR and communication issues.

4) Me & Him = 27

My ex dumped me very firmly via email/phone, telling me we're no longer friends, i am not to contact him again and that he never wants to get involved with me ever even in the event i was pregnant with his child. He did contact me a week after the breakup via sms demanding that i tell him if i was pregnant or tell him to f*** off. It's been over 2 months but i still feel crushed and question myself constantly. I can't help but wonder what did i do to make him reach a decision to flush me out of his life with such determination?

Hi at95,

Congratz on making so much progress moving on Thank you so much for giving me hope cos i am still feeling rejected/abandoned/extremely hurt after over 2 months. I do hope i can become as strong as you have very soon and post a similar thread

Hi michou,

I totally agree with Yvette. If your ex was serious about sharing a future and turning the plans you both made into reality, he would wait and not call it quits cos he "cant do the whole ldr" thing. My ex gave me the same reason and the fact that he is lonely when he dumped me after i was planning a move to the same city in a few months. You have to ask yourself this: Can you trust him and think he will keep his words this time? I know you still love him but you have to remember, he actually got cold feet within 5 months. Do you think he can actually wait for a year?

Nobody's perfect so don't be too hard on yourself

Another point I wanted to make is this: I think it's easier to leave a relationship you KNOW you have tried to make work. I think having a relationship end prematurely or because of extenuating circumstances is MUCH harder to let go of...because you have that feeling of NOT knowing what could have been. Much much different feelings there.

I totally agree with you there HITJM. My ex gave up on the relationship even though i was making the move back to the same city as him in a couple of months. His reason: he was lonely and he couldn't wait for me to move back. In his breakup email, he initiated NC so as to not "remind him of what could have been". It bites really since he has chosen to totally walk out of my life while i am left with his departing words "i will never get involved with you ever again even in the event you are carrying my child". Made me question myself still two months on about what i did to make him want to say such things and letting go of my feelings for him.

You will get over it and i agree with icemotoboy. I still have feelings for my ex despite the fact that he had chosen to totally walk over me and out of my life. You have to accept he is out of your life. It's not easy but it will get easier over time.....

Congratz on getting back together Don't feel bad and think that people may not appreciate a success story. Happy endings are good!

I did not enter NC by choice but when i got dumped my ex requested that i do not contact him ever again. The first few weeks were extremely awful, i had no motivation for anything and was perpetually upset. I kept asking myself what did i do wrong to contribute to my ex reaching his decision and was desperately seeking closure.

In the end, i realised closure is something i can only give myself and it's best that i let him go and move on with my life. I still have deep feelings for him and a part of me do want him back but on the other hand, he has hurt me too deeply and too many times....

It's great to hear that the date went well

I'm very sorry that she turned out to be such a different person

Hi Spawn,

I don't count the days either and i have my bad days too where i am reduced to an emotional wreck. But there are other things going on in my life and i can't stand around and grieve over the loss of a guy who chose the coward way out of a relationship while saying he respected me. Please take care too!

Thanks ariyadhana I guess it was made easier by the fact that he and i are in different countries and also cos i removed all his contact details on my phone/IM/email to desist any temptation.

Hi everyone,

Today's the 2 months mark since my ex walked out of my life. Embarked on NC from day 1 since he requested that i do not contact him ever again though there was the one time where i nearly contacted him at one point cos of some family violence issue. However, i realised he is gone and is never coming back as he made it very clear that he doesn't want to get involved with me ever again and we can never be friends. On hindsight, he did me a favor even though by doing so even he totally demolished any self-worth i had in the breakup process.

I still have my good and bad days but i am moving on and picking up the pieces. Joined a gym and preparing for my accountancy exams which are coming up next month while keeping myself occupied with work. Many thanks to everyone on this boards, your threads and replies have helped me tremendously in my healing process

What i learned from my breakup:

1) Time is a great healer

2) Do not live in hope that your ex will return and move on

3) Forgive and forget

I don't know your exact situation but i want to say this: you were in a relationship with her for 3 years. That warrants at least a phonecall, not just an email. If you can't love her anymore, at least let her go with respect and decency.

I have been dumped via email after 8 months LDR and 2 months on, i am still trying to pick up the pieces. So i know so awful she's gonna feel when she reads that email.

I agree with Frost271. Is there a valid reason for you to contact your ex in the first place?

To be honest, it's rather selfish of your ex to want to remain friends even after breaking up with you over the phone. It's like he wants to keep you around like a security blanket of sorts. Move on with NC, you deserve someone better.

I was in your same shoes nearly a month ago and i can understand it's very tempting to contact her. Stick with the NC rule!

Congratulations!!!

Hi FCTex,

Thank you so much for your posts. Your words just hit the bullseye. I am nearly in my 2nd month of NC and like Mystik, i only really grieved after one month. I didn't cry and actually tried to act strong for over a month after being dumped till it was his birthday where i realised i cannot contact him ever again (he stated so in his breakup email and in hindsight, he did me a favor) and i could not send him the birthday present i got him. And i found out he chose that day to delete me off his messenger (i deleted all his contacts to remove the temptation) And i cried remembering the happy memories i shared with him and realising that i am never getting him back and i don't want him back. Not after hurting me twice and completely destroying my self-esteem the second time round. I still think about him from time to time though but i no longer have any inclination to contact him. I guess that's a step forward right? I know i had to let go and heal before i can properly love someone else again

I would also like to share the lyrics to a song which helped me a lot in my healing process:

Rain

By Patty Griffin

It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart

Beating close to mine

Pounding up against the stone and steel

Walls that I won't climb

Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep

You think that you're gonna drown

Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep

With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now

Rows and rows of big dark clouds

When I'm holding on underneath this shroud

Rain

Its hard to know when to give up the fight

Two things you want will just never be right

Its never rained like it has to night before

Now I don't wanna beg you baby

For something maybe you could never give

I'm not looking for the rest of your life

I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now

Rows and rows of big dark clouds

When I'm holding on underneath this shroud

Rain

Strange how hard it rains now

Rows and rows of big dark clouds

When I'm holding on underneath this shroud

Rain

Strange how hard it rains now

Rows and rows of big dark clouds

When I'm still alive underneath this shroud

Rain Rain Rain

I deleted and blocked my ex one week after the breakup cos he specifically asked me not to contact him again. Cold turkey is the way to go as much as it hurts to know that he can dump me like i'm trash. I also don't want to habour any hope

BillyJean,

Thanks for your advice I don't think i am forcing myself to do NC, i no longer have any desire to contact him anymore cos he made me feel like a piece of trash.