roger85

I' sure many may not agree with me, i know that i'm a positive person, incurable romantic and always try to see the best in people. I'm not going with the tough that she will come back, she might meet someone today and fall in love like never before, but i know that she ever comes back i have to work on myself, to get out of this state and again be the man i was when i meet her, maybe even a better version of myself. If she came back today to me i would say no for two reasons, i'm not yet healed and i know that the time has passed is not enough for her to be really be sure that she made a wrong decision and in a few weeks time we will be in the same position. Every time i was the dumpee, at one point in my life they came back, one way or another, but most of them ware to late, and when i was the dumper i always went back even if only to see that i made the right decision. Stay positive, hope has a small place in our/your recovery but the most important thing is to try to move on as hard as it is. To share one story at least :) : My first relation was about 14-15 years ago(we ware around 18-19yo old). We ware together for about 2 years. In that time we had many many ups and downs, we ware young and she had the the grass is greener syndrome. i think we broke up 2-3 times until i finally said it`s over. Even though i was the dumper i only said what she wasn't able to say, so i could easily say that she dumped me. Hurt like hell but time passed and i managed to move on. After 1-2 years (NC) she tried to come back but was to late. She tried to reach me for over 7-8 after, called me every time she remembered something from our relation, every time she could find an excuse but i wasn't in there anymore for her.

I registered just so i can reply to your post. It brings me a tear in my eye every time i read this portion of your post, especially the part i bold-ed. I loved that part and i am very happy for you two. I am in the same situation but i`m the guy in my story( me 33y her 31y). It was a short but very intense story. After 2-3 months when she decided that she is not well emotionally and she wanted to be alone (even though i tried to tell her that i can be there for her and help her go trough all her problems) . I left without begging or anything because i know anything i do or say will only push her further away and my actions during the period we ware together spoke louder than any words i could say now. Every date we had was a surprise for her, i would take her to a place i knew she loved, or i would bring her preferred chocolate, picnic at home, i would left her notes in the house to tell that even though i`m not there i`m thinking of her. Don't get me wrong, i gave her the space she needed also, i wasn't trying to suffocate her with my attention. When we split up she told me that i'm the best man she ever know. We never told each other the words "I love you" but she slipped a few times when i surprised her and said quietly "this is why i love you" and i told her that i`m falling fer her. I haven`t spoken to her in two weeks(NC) and if she never decides to write to me or call me i won't initiate contact. I know she has to fix her emotional problems and after all the fog is gone she will see if she truly loved me or not. I think the hardest part for me to let go is that i'm afraid that if i let go that can happen to her as well. I did some social stalking but now i un-fallowed her on IG and made a new facebook account because i didn`t want to unfriend her there but still wasn't able to go trough the day without looking if she is online, when she was last online, did she post anything new and i'm afraid any post i will make will be influenced by my state of mind and indirectly will speak to her. I had a few long relationships but i was kinda immature then, it took me about 4 years to be alone and don't get involved in any relationship to get to know myself, to know what i want in my love life and get ready to open my heart to someone new and when i was ready there she was. ATM i can`t sleep well, hurts every second when i'm at home, i hate weekends because i have nothing to distract myself from thinking of her, my chest hurts, there is a battle happening in my stomach. I want her back, but i want her to reach the place you reached, for her to be sure that i am the best for her until then i'll try to pick up the pieces that she left behind and build a better self. On a positive note i am sure that anyone can get back with his/her ex( except maybe the toxic/abusive relationships) but it takes some kind of maturity on both sides for the relation to succeed. - Never take someone back until you are sure that he/she won't do that again, because if you do, you will always be afraid of that and you won't be able to be the best self around him/her. - Never beg, call, text a person that broke up with you, remember that him/her found in her heart that you are not good to them. If you do any of those things it will never change her/him mind. Let them figure for themselves and if they do( most of them do ) than you know that is their decision that brought them back. Let them the time to miss you. Let the actions and the person that you ware when you ware together to speak for you. The only time i recommend to initiate contact is when if he/she broke up with you for something you did, and that only after you pick up yourself and can have a mature conversation about what you did and how you change. - And last but not least, always and i mean ALWAYS try to fix yourself or the relation while you are still in it. Always take a step back and think what you want in life, is he/she someone to you could live with for many years, and i tell you, in most cases the answer is yes, because you picked him/her already, and the motives that are against that in most cases are some things that can be fixed trough communication., it all depends if you are willing to make some changes of if he/she is willing. The timing is the biggest fact. I see people coming to this forums only when they have a big problem, most of the people come here to see how they can get their ex back, few come to see how can they fix a problem in their relation, by the time they get involved the damaged is always done. I wish you all the best and to have your happy ending and don't let an bad experience go by, learn from it, be better.