governmentboy

Thank you for your replies. They are all very thought provoking. Except for the sex I have the perfect marriage. That is what is so hard to give up. I have gone to three different psycologists alone. My wife is kind of bearing her head in the ground and not thinking about it. She doesn't seem to see the need for outside help....I am not expecting to have some women come and say marry me but don't people have affairs all the time?. I couldn't find a women to have a relationship with, outside of my marriage, if my life depended on it. A relationship outside was one of the things the psychologist suggested but warned me it could be very hard to manage. I think it is true that the majority of men only leave when there is another women ready. I think it is all about the cooking and cleaning thing. I have lived alone before and it really sucks and am hesitant to do it again. ....My ultimate dream would be to live in Spain with a spanish women I found attractive, obviously, and doing some simple job. I am an Engineer and have a good brain but I have seen that money is not the answer to happiness and it never will be....Thats a big change from my life now......I have decided that if nothing has changed by the time I am 45 I will either kill myself or quit my job and dump my wife and move to Spain and to hell with the consequences...if I sink I sink if I swim I swim.

I have been married for 12 yrs. Shortly before getting married we abstained from sex just to make it like special when we were married...Well guess what it never came back. My wife has no real desire for sex and I am not attracted to her in that way anymore. We are the greatest of friends but we don't have sex. I had something that resembled an affair(as I had to give her money sometimes) but when the girl found a guy who wasn't married she went with him instead. I have always had lots of sexual feelings and took care of myself all the time. Since breaking up with this girl my desire for intimacy has intensified. I have been trying to find another person but with no luck. I have regsitered on dating websites, gone to clubs but still nothing. I am not going to leave and sit all alone in an apartment waiting for something that appears will never come. I have a nice house and as I said we are the greatest of friends..why give that up to sit alone in an apartment. I have been in the same government job for 17 yrs. It pays well but I am bored out of my mind. Why give up the security the beneifits and the good pay..sounds kind of like my relationship. As a result of all this I have dropped many of the hobbies I had. I drink way to much. If I met the right women I would leave right away but no one seems interested. I am tall dark, fit, clean, stylish, intelligent, people say I am good looking. In the last 12 yrs I have probably had sex 15 times(12 with the affair person)..now that is pathetic. The pain a breakup would cause would be imense for a lot of people. I am getting older and fear my appeal to women is running out.