Char22

Hi everyone! This thread has been really helpful to me since my breakup two months ago, so I want to contribute some stories to help others as well. I was with my boyfriend for 2.5 years until he broke up with me. He is going through some personal issues and we are just at different life stages, so he felt that he needed some time to figure things out and it wouldn’t be fair to me to keep dating right now. (I know it sounds cliché but we talked a lot and I know it’s the truth). I was completely blindsided. I initially wasn’t thinking about getting back together, because I figured once you break up it’s over. However everyone I talk to (including his mom!) kept telling me they thought he was going through some stuff but we would get back together down the line. I asked him and he said that he could also see us ending up together, but not to wait for him and to enjoy my life and be happy. So I have been working out, planning some international trips, volunteering, and hanging out with friends. I am at just about 50 days no contact. Anyways, everyone I talk to is so sure that we will get back together that they keep telling me their own reconciliation stories, so here they are (with changed names): 1. My former roommate Maria was with her boyfriend Chris for 2-3 years in college. He got a job that would require him to travel internationally most of the year, and she wanted to settle in one place. Neither wanted to hold the other back, so they decided to break up after graduation. I met her right after she graduated, so I hadn’t met him, but she would say that she thought they would end up together. I know they weren’t in contact for a while, but one day he emailed her and then they would talk sporadically. She just threw herself into doing stuff with friends, and dated quite a few guys. She even told her ex she couldn’t talk to him anymore at one point because she got serious with someone else, but ended up breaking up with him after a few months. They had the same college friends though so they would see each other a few times a year when all their friends would get together and would sometimes end up hooking up. Eventually after two years she decided she couldn’t keep seeing him and hooking up and told him they either needed to be strictly friends or get back together. He said he wanted to get back together. His job ended that required travel and he moved to the city she was in. I finally met him and they are perfect together! She said they needed that time apart because it helped them both do what they wanted without being resentful, and they learned a lot in the process about how to communicate with one another and now their relationship is better than ever. 2. One of my best friends Marissa was with her boyfriend Nate for about a year, and his job was transferred to another state. She was in grad school so she couldn’t move. She wanted to do long distance, but he didn’t. She was devastated and they broke up. She went NC and tried to move on, but kept thinking about him. About 6 months later he invited her to visit, they had a great weekend. She figured this was her chance, and she told him she still loved him. He said he still didn’t want to do long distance, and she thought that was it. A few months later (9 months total post break-up) he contacted her and said he changed his mind. They got back together, she moved in with him when she graduated, and they are planning to get engaged next year! 3. My best friend James was with his boyfriend Richard for about 2.5 years. James was two years older and graduated college, but Richard still had two years to go. They started fighting and Richard wasn’t being supportive of James trying to focus on a career. They broke up fairly mutually but I think James wanted to make it work more than Richard. It ended on bad terms due to all the fighting. Over the course of the next year they were kinda in limbo, occasional NC, sometimes hooking up, sometimes being friends. Eventually one year post breakup Richard acknowledged that he hadn’t been supportive and he wanted another shot. They have now been together another 2.5 years since the breakup, and are discussing getting engaged soon! He said their relationship is better than ever. 4. My friend Rebecca met her boyfriend Kevin while they were both placed in the same country for the Peace Corps. I don’t remember the exact details of why they broke up, but I think he started dating someone else and things were complicated because they were from different cities and neither wanted to move when the corps ended. They broke up and her placement ended so she came back home, he was still there. She was devastated. He was in a remote area so they could only talk occasionally via email. She told me she really didn’t take it well. She moped around for 9 months, and eventually realized she had to move on. She decided that was it, and she said she told all her roommates not to even mention his name anymore. She went to bed and woke up the next morning to an email from him saying he wanted to get back together! I went to their wedding last year, and she is currently pregnant with their first child and they are very happy. 5. I recently met a friend Jessica who said she dated a guy Ethan back in the last year of highschool and beginning of college for 3 years. I am not sure exactly why they broke up, but he dumped her. Apparently they were young and she made some dumb mistakes. She said it took her 5 years to accept that they would never be together. She moved to a new city, and he coincidentally ended up moving there a year later. She reached out just to say hi, but he brushed her off because he was dating someone. Then later his relationship ended and he reached out to her, but now she was dating someone. Her relationship ended and they are now in the process of dating again 7 years after their breakup. She seems really happy and she said all her friends always knew they would end up together. 6. My ex’s mom actually dated a guy in high school briefly but they went their separate ways in college. Both ended up marrying and having kids with other people, and both ended up getting divorced. Two years ago they happened to reconnect and hit it off. It had been 30 years since they dated. I know both of their former marriages were not very happy, so I was really thrilled to see her so happy in this new relationship. They got married earlier this year and just bought a house together. When he proposed he said he loved her for 30 years! 7. I was talking to a friend about my breakup and her mom overheard, she told me that she dated her husband for about a year in high school and they broke up because they were young and went their separate ways for college. They didn’t talk at all during this time. He contacted her 2.5 years later asking for another chance, and they have been married for 25+ years now. 8. My friend Sarah was dating her boyfriend for about 6 months when he broke up with her because he was going through some personal issues with his job/anxiety. She was devastated. She tried NC but couldn’t do it, so I know they talked but not sure how much. About a month later he felt like he had gotten things back on track – he was promoted, saw a therapist, etc. and asked her for another shot. I am not sure if this one will work long term, but for now they have been back together for a few months. 9. This one I don’t condone, but my friend Elizabeth was dating her boyfriend Alex for 2 years when she found out he had been cheating on her pretty much the whole time. It was a huge shock to everyone, he seemed like a stand up guy and they were always seen as the perfect couple. They broke up, and both started dating other people. They would talk occasionally, but obviously all her friends and family wanted him to stay away. About a year later they got back together, and now have been together for a few years. I don’t trust him, but it’s still a reconciliation story. 10. As for me, these aren’t exactly success stories but they show that the dumper did come back. I was friends with a guy in high school and we became very close. I developed a crush on him and he said he had a crush on me too, we decided to start dating but then he dumped me for my best friend. I was devastated, but I had to stay friends with him because he was dating my friend so he was always around. I just tried to act calm even though I was livid. We remained good friends for a while but he would get really jealous whenever I would talk to another guy, and eventually he broke up with my friend and asked to date me again. I wasn’t interested. We got in a big fight. We didn’t talk for 9 months, then started slowing becoming friends again. Over the next few years he would always try to get back with me. Once his girlfriend even texted me saying he would talk about me all the time and she knew he still liked me, but I was over it. It took me probably two years to be totally over it, and the fact that he left me for my friend gave me some trust issues for a while, but I can wholeheartedly say I am glad things did not work out with him. We don’t talk now unless we run into each other but I feel totally neutral towards him and am happy to catch up if I see him. A similar situation happened in college. I dated a guy for about 6 months, and he dumped me for my best friend. I was really upset, especially at having lost what I thought was a really good friend (I tried to work it out with her, but she didn’t want to). This was right before I studied abroad, so I left the country and didn’t talk to him again. They dated for about 1.5 years, and to be honest they made more sense as a couple so I got over it. 6 months after they broke up (2 years after he dumped me) I ran into him in a bar and we ended up talking. He asked me out again and apologized for the way he treated me before. I wasn’t interested but I was curious why he was asking me out after all this time, so I said yes to one date. I ended up realizing that he wasn’t really anything special, not sure why I ever liked him. So I ended it pretty quick. He would still try to contact me occasionally for a few months. He backed off when I started dating my recent ex. The second time around gave me closure and once again, helped me to be glad I didn’t end up with him. Through my break up experience I realized there are so many more stories of people getting back together than I knew, you just don’t usually hear about them. I even know more than I wrote, but I don’t have all the details so I couldn’t share. All my friends who shared these stories with me told me how important it was to truly move on and accept the breakup. They said it is okay to have hope as long as that hope isn’t stopping you from moving on with your life. I also think you know your relationship best, so trust yourself to do what is right. Good luck to everyone!