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Everything posted by Maddie91x

  1. This is so important to remember, and I see endless posts where this is overlooked and people use 100% no contact and hope that miraculously their ex will come banging down their door.
  2. Honestly? Just say to her pretty much word for word what you've written in this post xxx
  3. Hi joker78, thankyou for your reply. Don't get me wrong, I feel like it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through... But when I have exhausted all my options, and I have no other choice but to let go, I have gradually realised that actually it really is the best thing for me right now. My heart has broken almost irreparably over the last couple of months, so now I need to focus on looking after myself and getting my individuality back. I will repeat my first post, I love her more than anything in the world. But as I said, love is not enough on its own. Keep strong joker, you'
  4. Hey ENA, if you want to know about my story and why I am here please read my other threads. This thread however is going to be something completely new to me. I guess right now I am sort of looking at this as a journal entry to share with you guys how I am feeling. So I am around 7 weeks post break up from a 3 year relationship, and on day 4 of the 4th no contact period since the breakup (initiated by me). First NC period lasted 4 days, I broke it. Second NC period lasted 8 days, she broke it. Third NC period lasted 3 days, I broke it, then after that break I went straight into this fourth
  5. Thankyou for your replies. Although she is very much someone who is never friends with ex's. She is either in a relationship or that's it, ex is out her life for good. So in my mind I'm kind of reading it that right now her head is still all over the place so she doesn't want me to assume that we will be back together tomorrow or something, but at the same time she's not finished with the relationship. I don't know though.
  6. After another long phone call tonight where we laughed and joked the same as we did when we first met she sent me this text "Just because we've spoken tonight, doesn't mean everything's ok and stuff. I don't want you to be getting hopes up or whatever. Like I hope we can have a friendship, but for now I need to do my thing and you do yours x" Any interpretations of this message?
  7. She has made it very clear that she does still want to be with me I think it's just like you said - I need to remind her how happy we make each other and how much fun we have. It's funny, we got off the phone around 8.30 because she needs to be up very early for work. Just after posting this she sent me a text saying "Everything will be ok x" I don't know if this is a hint that we will work things out or a simple reassurance that whatever happens "things will be alright". Either way it's nice to know that she is thinking about me even when she s supposed to be sleeping ready for work So
  8. So I have a massive long post in the breakup forum that explains my situation in detail. Brief version - we were together for 3 years, we had a big argument and broke up August 27th, I did all the wrong things for 2 weeks, then we had around 10 days no contact which she broke. We have had 2 long phone conversations today and yesterday. So here is my question.... I have had a long open honest conversation with my ex about how I'm feeling, explaining that I still know she is the person I want to share my life with and I still love and care about her very much. She has said that she misses
  9. 1 hour spent talking on the phone tonight!
  10. As a woman I beg to differ on this point. I have been in this position with my ex. There was no cheating involved but a week after we broke up I spent the evening with her and kept joking around saying things like "make your mind up, either kiss me or stop staring at my lips, one or the other" (she was very obviously staring at my mouth) then when we said goodbye I joked again "so are you going to kiss me or what" both times she refused a kiss. A few days later we spoke about it, and she openly admitted that she did want to kiss me but at the same time was scared of all those feelings of hurt
  11. So today she just messaged back with "I'm good thanks x" so I rang when I knew she would be at work and wouldn't have her phone on her and left a voicemail along the lines of "Hey it's me. Glad to hear you're Ok. Would be good to catch up some time, give me a call if you fancy a chat. Ok bye for now" I don't know if this is considered the right thing to do. Ok that's a lie. I know this is certainly considered the WRONG thing to do! But hey we each have to make the most of our own instincts/gut feelings. And my gut feeling? That if she hears my voice it's a little bit more personal than just
  12. So why tell me to leave her alone and say we shouldn't talk anymore, then barely a week later text me that?
  13. Honest opinion? If you could let it go you would of by now. But you haven't. You haven't sought couples therapy. You haven't apparently done anything to actively get over it. It's nothing to do with the How's, why's, and wherefores, either get over it or don't. Forgive and forget and never think about it again. If this doesn't sound like a feasible option then walk away and stay away. I'm afraid those are your only 2 options.
  14. I replied to her text 3 hours later with "Hey, good to hear from you. I'm good thanks, how are you doing? Have a good shift x" and there has been no reply.
  15. I haven't seen your other posts, but I'm thinking maybe once she realised the power was shifting over to you by you ceasing contact, she wanted to snatch that power back by blocking you. As you said, she knows you notice. My best advice? Do not pay 1 bit of attention because she is expecting you to be upset. Act like you never even noticed.
  16. So as a shock to everyone but most of all me, I received this text message today at 3.30pm..... "Hello E, just on my way to work but just a message to say hope you're okay x" it is now 5.30pm here and I have not yet responded. I am in total shock. I think I need help on how to respond. My thoughts currently along the lines of "Hey L, good to hear from you. I'm doing well thankyou, hope you are too. Have a good shift x" any input from anyone here would be greatly appreciated
  17. First and foremost, have a hot drink, take a step back, and breathe. We have all seen things we don't want to see, heard things we don't want to hear, and misunderstood a whole host of situations. I have a very close friend who I have known for 7 years. He is in a committed, monogamous, loving relationship with a girl who is his absolute world. He is the kindest most caring person anyone could meet and he would do anything for his partner. He also loves being pegged. He enjoys being "dominated" in the bedroom. He enjoys watching gay (MM) porn. And to be honest I know a fair few guys that have
  18. I have been no contact with L for 8 days so far, and was very LC for the 9 days prior to that. It hurts every day. Some days I think "yea this isn't so bad, I can do this, I'm fine" then the next day every single little thing makes me think of her, there's a million things I would have messaged her, and I spend the whole day trying not to cry because it hurts so bad to not be able to talk to her.
  19. Oh wow, it's so lovely to hear from someone who has been partner to a BPD sufferer. So many people I have spoken to previously are the ones suffering from BPD, so it's great to "meet" somebody from the other side! I have spent 18 months struggling to find specific BPD therapy - I am currently undertaking CBT although from my research I think DBT is the route more commonly offered to BPD sufferers however nowhere seems to offer that around where I live. I have major abandonment issues from childhood and the BPD certainly does not help either. My ex could take too long to reply to a text and I w
  20. For some reason I'm finding NC particularly hard today. I contacted L's mum via text message "Hi, do you think it would be appropriate for me to give L a call this evening? X" her response was "I think its best to wait till L contacts you, she doesn't really speak about it so i think it best not to contact her x" This of course threw my head into a whole new whirlwind. She doesn't talk about it? What does that mean? Does that mean she doesn't miss me at all? Is she talking to someone else who's keeping her mind off me? Has she lost all feelings entirely so I don't even cross her mind anymo
  21. Hi soooolost, How is NC going? I have read your post and I totally feel you.... I am in a very similar situation and also started NC at the same time as you.
  22. I think what i have learnt from this forum is: when you have major issues yourself, establish what they are, accept responsibility for the issues (but do not blame yourself for them - just accept responsibility), take action to correct the issues, follow through with these actions to correct the issues, then forgive yourself for the issues you had and move on a better and happier person. Everyone has issues, nobody is perfect. My issues are self destructive and they were destroying a very kind and caring partner who put her all into the relationship. That is simply not ok by any stretch of the
  23. I do completely understand what you're saying. I have a very unstable relationship with most of my family members - I have done from the age of 6. When you are brought up in an environment of bickering and sniping and saying spiteful things to get a reaction it can be very hard to grow out of that. But as I said, I am aware that this is a major issue that is completely unacceptable and I am taking all the possible steps to rectify this - self reflection, therapy, medication, counselling. I suffer from depression, anxiety, Aspergers and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have never used any of
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