felipefmotta

I just wanna share my story. I'm from Brazil, male, 26 and she's 24. She said she needed some time. It was a shock to me. I'm her first love and man of her life, she's a very religious girl, but I took it for granted, didn't knew what was happening. But with this space I'm giving her, I realized that I made her pass trough some serious . She would call me and I didn't answer, she texted me "good morning" or "good night" and I didn't respond. She gave all to me, all her heart. I was in every social website flirting with girls. Her friends telling her to break up with me and she hold strong every night, asking herself: "do the man that I choose to be my only, is the wrong one? What is wrong with me?" She works all day and study at night, so we were kinda distant for 2-3 months. Until I cheated on her (but I never adimitted) and her heart couldn't take it anymore. She's a "one man girl" and it has been the most dificult 3 weeks of my life. Now, I can clearly see what I was doing. Starving for attention (I'm a real good looking guy, bodybuilder, she's a beautiful black girl with dark curly hair), in the first week of the break-up, I called her, her mom, her friends, all them telling me she loves me, no doubt, but she's hurt. Them I called her after 4 days NC and she said: I was happy to not hear from you. From that point on, I told her: I apologize. I understand and I want you to know that many men never do this, they just walk away, but I'm here to tell you that, in this life, there's only one "me" and "you", I won't give up on you. When I'm ready, I'll call you. Her love is so big and godly given, that she gave me a shot, but she responded that she's single and won't wait for me (of course, she had to show some pride, after all it was her idea to breaking up). And the last thing she said was: No hurry, no pressure, no expectations. And never heard from her since. It has been 9 days today. From the first day of the second week until now, I wanted to understand her point of view, so I started to practice Reiki. From that day until about 5 days ago, I couldn't understand what she's was expecting. So, I called a friend, and told him I needed to talk. It was sunday, so I went to his house and we walked to a near little forest. We were sit, I told him everything, we got up and told me: Look, do you wan't to be the guy that go in every party, with no real love, be desired by every girl, or do you wanna be with the girl that the Divine put at your side, that is with you on foot, on bus, on motorcycle? That's real love, you retard!! At that moment, I fell on my knees, and said: Holy Spirit, thank you from showing me through my friend what was all about! (and I was a feroucious atheist, but I'm not blind or demented, when I see something, I recognize) From that point on, I've praying every day and night, because now I understand. If I came back to her and just said: I'm sorry, I love you. It was too little, too weak. It was about a spiritual up-lifting, to be a kind man, good to other people, to be better everyday, not just for me, but for all of us. So I'm giving her time to heal the wound that I made, and waiting for her to miss me enough to, when I call her, she'll be ready to listen with no rage, no sadness, just love, because that's what's all about. Pure love, since the beggining, and I was blind, I was mundane, couldn't see with her eyes. So, everyday I got a little sign that I'm in the right path, just waiting the right time. Before we broke-up, I sent a huge Teddybear to her, but with the wrong number (her house is 32, I wrote 30), but yesterday I received a message on my phone that I was delivered properly because, on the box, I made a description of her house, and the mailman, at pure good will, went there. So, time goes by and I always recieve a new blessing. And I can't wait to tell her how I understand and how I'm proud of her for holding her position for so long. Now I see what truly love is, and I thank the Divine to the last shot that she gave me, every day and night, until we meet again. She's the one that was put on my life to mature, to go through this process of tremendous pain and anxiety, to understand what she passed through and to be rewarded in the end. It the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, and when I was with the mundane mentality, I made some really HARD , just for comparison. The pain of almost lose the love of your life is like dying and being alive at the same time. I'm sure I'll come back here with good news, no doubt about it. That's the mentallity: faith, will, and patience. May the Divine bless you all!!