vitaminraisin

two months ago, you said that i was the best thing in your life. and i said that i had never cared about anyone as much as i cared about you, and that scared me. and you said that was called being in a relationship. now we haven't talked in 10 days and i still don't understand how i went from the best thing in your life to someone who's not even worth keeping in your life. and it kills me

Hi guys, nice to meet yall. I was hoping someone would have some advice for me or encouraging words. I'm on day 5 of NC and our BU happened 2.5 weeks ago. I read through a lot of these posts and it helps me on and off. My ex and I started dating a couple months after his ex ended their 2 year long relationship. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued to see him. We were basically together for 7 months, officially for 4. We rarely fought. He started becoming distant the last month because he said he was busy. and after I finally confronted him about it, he said he felt like we were in different places in our lives (him graduating college next month and me still having a year left, me not having a LTR before him, etc.) and that he knew we had to break up for the summer at least, and then see how things went once I came back after the summer. We agreed to continue hanging out, text every day, and be exclusive until the summer, and we hung out once last week and it was fine. But then, i asked him to spend Easter with me and he admitted to me that he was going to another state to spend Easter with his ex. I asked him if he wanted to get back together with her. and he said he didn't know, that they were just talking. I asked him if we'd ever have a chance at getting back together, and he said he didn't know, because he didn't know if we'd ever be in the same place again, but he wouldn't be opposed to it. Eventually, I told him that if he wasn't willing to work on our relationship now, I wouldn't know if he would be willing to work on it later, so I told him I'd never be an option and that I hoped whoever he found would make him happy. And then ended the conversation there. I decided to initiate NC, but I still want him back. I am debating between whether to apologize and say I didn't mean to close the door on the future and that I wanted to still be in his life in the future (as friends or more). I'm afraid that he believes I truly closed the door and won't reach out even if he wanted to. I also need a plan to keep myself on track. Do I wait 30 days and then reach out, and if so, what do I say? I will be going home and then another city in a month. Ideally him reaching out before that saying he made a mistake would be ideal but I know my chances are really low since he's talking to his ex again and probably forgetting about me already. I know I can't hold onto that hope because I will never stop hoping, but I still do. Every day hurts because I'm afraid I won't ever find someone, as stupid as it sounds (and i know it's stupid)