HeartIsBrokern

Thank you for your reply. It was more than just one night of difficult sex of course...actually several months of it. I was recovering from childbirth and as many of you know, it takes a while for a woman. I did tell him I was having some problems however he didnt listen to me but rather thought I just did not want him anymore. Also, my husband's ego is quite fragile in my opinion. He's not very social and has little friends. You are right to say that to restore trust, there has to be more than just promises. I've heard the promises and that's about it. There are more fights and sometimes I just don't know where they come from. I have a hard time communicating with him because he doesn't want to talk but rather point the finger on someone.

I thank you for your comments. My kids by the way are no older than 4. I am thinking about them and sometimes I think it would be worse for them to see that their parents can't be loving towards one another. I guess this is primarily because of me. My spouse has been kissing my butt to regain my trust but the thing is that I dont' think I'll ever get it back. As dad420 said, he is still haunted by the mental images of his gf having sex with someone else. I have those visions too and I get them when I tried to be intimate with my husband. I couldn't do it and I cried. I think most of us have done that when we tried to get the intimacy back in our marriage after an affair. As for the other man, nothing has happened except the kissing. The problem is that I still think about him and when I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach. I haven't heard from him lately and its tearing me up inside because he's busy with off site assignments. Maybe its a good thing that I haven't heard from him but it hurts. Oh this just sucks because I get hurt by my husband and now because of the his affair, I end up trying to get the affection from someone else and I feel rejected again.

Hi everyone... I'll just get right to it and tell you my story. My husband had an affair with someone when I thought things were going well between us. We have some of the most beautiful and lovable children. Our families thought we were just perfect but then he slept in some other woman's bed for several months. He even told me he purposefully went looking for an affair because he really thought I was having an affair because sex was difficult one night. My doctor had put me on medication which for some reason made it hard for me to enjoy sex yet my husband thought it was because I no longer desired him. I unfortunately found out through someone else of his affair and confronted him on it. He denied it like most people would but then finally fessed up to it but not face to face..he called me from work. I was devasted...of course. Our relationship has not been the same since then. Well why should it be as there is no longer the trust I had for him. I love him dearly but always think to myself that if one little thing goes wrong again then he'll be out looking for sex again. We went through counseling but its just there. Nothing bad yet nothing good. Its been about a year since his affair and I can't look at that man the same way. Yes I do love him but like I said there's no trust. I dont' have the feeling I had inside like before. The completeness, the warmth, or compassion. Now what, this story gets better. As much as I hate my husband for what he did, now I feel like I am the villain. I met a man whom I was not attracted to or anything. I see him once in a while because of work. He also knows of some of my friends and coworkers and he also knows of what is going on in my life (well just the basics). He and I used to have really heated discussions about life in general. I'm not saying that we used to yell at each other but they were deep discussions and I enjoyed them because it made me think and it was nice to talk to someone challenging. My coworkers and I went out one night after work just to get away and unwind and they invited him as well as people from his office. The night went well with all of us and it was time to go home. He walked me to my car as we parked in the same garage. For some reason at one moment we turned to each other and then we kissed. WOW! The walk to my car was quiet of course and then when we finally got to the garage and my car, we kissed even more and passionately. I can honestly say that I had never felt a kiss like that before. That was several months ago. I see him from time to time and we go out for lunch or coffee. I've never had sex with him and he doesn't push it. We do however talk about having a romantic dinner sometime. We do talk a lot on the phone and via email. You can tell the chemistry is there between us. One time for coffee, there was an elderly couple and they made the remark to us that they could see the honeymoon still continues. We just went alone with their story. I think I forgot to say that this man I am having "my affair" with is single and I am still married. I dont' know what to do because I am falling for this man. I feel as though I've turned into my husband and I hate that. I really didn't go and look for someone else as my husband did. I am so confused and I guess I do need help from others. As for my marriage, its fine with the exception of my husband's affair.