pyxis

Well here's a little update. Both of us went out to Canada last night by ourselves, sat down, drank together, and talked about it. First time we went out to a bar in a while just by ourselves. We had a really great time actually. Anyways, we have just scaled back our relationship. We're now officially just "dating." Her friends think she should stop seeing me romantically altogether while she's figuring this out but she want me in her life. But they aren't pushing her either. They respect her decision. We are still best friends also and tell each other everything. And I don't want that to change. We realize we still need each other in our lives. I'm glad about this because right now she is what is helping me get through school. And I'm also helping her get through nursing school so I want to be there for her also. She doesn't know how long it'll take her to figure this out but she does say she is pretty certain that it'll take a couple of months or maybe even sooner. She did say though, that she is almost certain that we will end up together. Now I'm not hinging all my hopes on that...I know she can change her mind but it does make me feel better. I know that she is not doing this because she met someone else or anything. We are pretty open about everything and she would tell me if that was the case. I also know she isn't going to go out and date every guy she meets. She's not that kind of girl. And I know she isn't going to go out and have sex with guys either. I mean it took us six months before we were ready to do so! Basically I told her the hardest thing for me would be if she did decide to date another guy. I can't imagine anyone being close to her like we are. She told me that no one could ever be as close as we were and definitely not worry about having other guys "touch" her. I mean I can't say I'm exactly happy about this...but I suppose this is the best it's going to be for a while. So I'm going to be patient with her and respect her feelings. She doesn't want to resent me later in life for holding her back and I agree with her. I will change some things also though. I'll try not to hang out with her all the time. But I did like our date last night. I'm not a club kinda guy but really had a great time and I know she did. Maybe we got too much into a "routine" so doing these things would help. So I'm going to start taking her on dates just by ourselves and not with all our friends. And when she turns 21 in December, I'll take her to some nice places around here instead of going to Canada all the time Does anyone think weekly dates would be too much? I'll keep on updating if anyone is interested. And I would appreciate any tips/suggestions on things to do to show her I love her...without seeming pushy or anything. All in all, right now I'm not feelin' too great about this...but I'm very optimistic.

Well we had another talk, and she still wants me to be apart of her life. She doesn't want to take a break. But our relationship is "downgraded" as of now. We are just going to do things like we are just starting to date. She wants to hang out with me still and talk everyday, but now we can see other people. I told her that I could not picture myself with anyone else and since I went through this phase last year, I know she is the one for me. This is still difficult for me but it's better than having her out of my life completely while she figures this out. My first instinct right now is to hang out often with her and try and persuade her but I know she needs room. I'm still very depressed about this though. I just can't concentrate in school right now and am falling behind a bit. Since she is also my best friend I'd usually want to tell her about this. I really don't have anyone to talk to except my girlfriends (well I guess I can't really say that anymore) best friend. I just don't want to burden her right now with my problems when she has soo much to deal with already. I do want to try to persuade her but not in a forceful way. I just can't think of how to do that right now.

Thanks for the replies. I'm really trying to be supportive to her even though its hurting me inside. I'm trying to help her through this although I realize that I probably won't be able to help much. It's something she has to figure out by herself. I really don't think she'll want to take a break...she says it'll devastate her. And I know this is selfish but I'm in law school right now and a break apart from her would be devastating to me personally and it'll affect how I do in school. But I'm not using that as leverage or anything...but she realizes that on her own. And about the talking to guys...when I asked her about that, she said she's not even sure if that's what she wants. She said maybe just dancing at clubs or going out to a movie, nothing too serious. She said that she'd tell me if she ever will do anything like that. And like I said before, she said that because she has the option she won't necessarily use it. Just knowing that she is free to do so is the big thing. Actually I was just talking to her and she said just having the option and not want to talk to other guys would be huge in helping her decide I'm the right person for her. About the life outside of us...I've always given her space knowing that she was younger than I am. She likes to go out with her friends and party once a week to and it's no problem for me. In the end I just want to try to help her realize that we are great together without pressuring her too much. I want her to make her decision because she feels its right. I'm guess I'm done babbling about this. It's just hard being supportive and knowing that I'm hurting myself. The situation just is what is is...and I suppose in the end it'll work itself out.

Well I'm not sure I'm posting this in the correct forum. I'm also not really good at talking about this kind of stuff except for my girlfriend...so I apologize if I'm not clear enough in my post. I'm 23 years old and my girlfriend will turn 21 in December. We've been going out for 2 years and were really good friends for a year before we started going out. It has been a great 2 years...we both love each other alot. We almost never get into arguments; we've had only two semi-major arguments but have worked through our problems fairly quickly. We spend alot of time together and never grow tired of being with each other. She is just the nicest girl I've known and I know that she loves me alot. I also love her alot and would never do anything to hurt her. If we ever broke up for reasons other than cheating etc. we would most definitely be great friends again. This was the first serious relationship for both of us and we were also each other's first in other respects Well a couple of days ago she said we needed to talk. She told me that she is very confused at the moment. She said that she needs to know for sure that I'm the right person for her. She says that she is pretty sure but has to know for sure. I asked what she was looking for and she said she does not know. It's just a very confusing time for her. At first she said maybe we needed a break from each other for a while. She thought it through for about a day and decided that she'd like to stay together while she figures this out. She did say though that she would like the oppurtunity to talk to other guys. Not just every guy out there but if she finds someone interesting. She also said that doesn't mean having sex with another; and I believe her about that. She did say that she has no one in mind or even plans to...and that she might not even have to. I know for a fact that she would never do anything to hurt me and she's not saying this because she is cheating or anything. I guess she is confused because she is young and I've been the only person she's been with. She said that it might take her a week to figure things out or it might even take weeks or months. I told her that I can't say it'll be ok to talk with other guys and that it'll hurt me because I would never do anything like that to her. But I do want her to figure things out. I don't want her to be with me if she has any doubts. She said that she wouldn't do it if I didn't want her to. I really don't have any specific questions. I guess I'm just looking for opinions here. Any questions I can ask her to figure this out? I honestly think that we will eventually end up getting married and that we are right for each other. Again sorry for the confusing post...it's just that I'm late for something and had to type this up fast. Thanks in advance for any advice.