jacqueline39

Muneca....I hope you're right and I can continue with the way I feel. I know there are going to be very hard times ahead of me but I'm glad of several things...we didn't get married and we didn't have any children together! We did however buy a house together and he is welcome to it now. He can have first choice of all we purchased together too. Material things don't matter to me as they can always be replaced. If I can leave with some dignity with my head held high I know I'll be fine. I am trying to think positive thoughts and not dwell on the negative. Am I scared of this change? Hell yeah! When I feel like the world is crashing down on me I remember one thing....I'll be up north closer to my kids. That thought has kept me going all day. I was mainly trying to encourage Hells_Fairy to let her know I was once in her shoes as well. Married with kids, I was a homemaker and relied on my husband for everything. When he decided he wanted to see other ppl I was basically thrown out of our house with the kids to fend for ourselves. This break-up is not the hardest thing I've had to endure. It was hard getting over my divorce and I don't think I ever loved my husband the way I truly love my bf. To me he was my soulmate. But I clearly wasn't his. I accept that now. I can't change how another person feels but I am pretty logical and realistic to know this is not the end of my world. I do know it would be self-destructive to stay in this relationship with no trust. I gave my all and that just wasn't good enuff apparently. I am staying positive...today! Later on tonight I may think otherwise.

Hells_fairy you said a mouthful and then some! Thank you all for your wonderful support and encouragement. Its been very hard but I know I'll be better off away from him. At the moment I have several plans of action I can take.....they are not in motion as of yet but I've written a large honey-do list for myself. As long as I stick to my guns and not give in, I'll be fine. This time I don't have two small children to worry about and can move quickly. All the material things we bought together he can have. I can always replace material things. I can never get the last 5 years of my life back and I feel a bit resentful of that but I am not going to dwell on what's already done. I'm gonna tell that "therapist" she can bite me shiney hiney too! My plans thus far.... First I'll get the HELL outta dodge before I let my judgement be clouded again and move far up north where I have some family who can offer support and a place to stay! Plus he can't see, hear or try to "win" me back with empty promises long distance, can he? Second: tell him while I'm still here at the house getting ready to move he can freely pursue any of those "other" options with my consent. No need for all this stealthy drama and secrecy. It's funny in a way but I kind of feel like a HUGE burden and weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I cried very hard and long for many days and nights trying to figure out WHY....but I've come to the conclusion I will never understand why someone would be willing to lose a damn good woman! A sexy, good-looking one at that!! LOL You're only a victim if you allow someone to continue to treat you disrespectfully, right? I've been on my own before...been married for 7 years, divorced & raised 2 beautiful children on my own. I held down 2 jobs and an apt making ends meet without the help of a dead-beat father! I know I can make it on my own. My bf always said I was the sexiest woman he's ever met and we've had a fantastic sex life the entire 5 years together. The novelty never did wear off. Let him find someone else and be happy. It's not going to be with me, that's for sure. And to answer your question Hells_ I would never have treated him like he did me. I have always been upfront and honest. It has always been #1 in my book. No matter how many times life knocked me down I've always managed to pick myself up and keep going. Today is an "UP" day for me, can you tell??? Esspecially since I just saw my bf riding around on a motorcycle with a small petite girl on the back when he was supposed to be working. I followed them for a bit just to make sure they saw me.

Thank you all for your feedback! Everyone keeps telling me to "hang in there, he really loves you" I don't know of any love that can survive without trust; the very heart of a relationship. It's refreshing to have people agree with MY side and take my feelings into consideration. It gives me a better perspective getting both male and female responces too. There is much more to the story beginning from day 1. I was too blind and trusting and overlooked things he did because our relationship was new. When I met him I was sort of dating someone but not really romantically involved. I told the guy that I had met someone else and wanted to explore the possibilities and didn't see him again. I told my bf this as well. I was upfront and honest with him from the beginning. After that he confessed to having a "female friend" down to spend a 4 day weekend with him. (We had already stated our love for each other by this time and I was secure in the knowledge he really cared about me) I wasn't too upset then because I knew she had already purchased a non-refundable plane ticket and he assured me she was just a friend! To make matters worse...he told me he told her all about me and how happy she was for him to have met someone who makes him happy. He said I could call the house any time I wanted but that he wouldn't be able to spend any time with me while she was here????? I thought this very odd he never even wanted us to met...but I let it slide. He called me every night..always while she was taking a shower or busy doing something else. She was never in the same room with him when he called. I didn't want to appear pushy so I didn't make a big deal about it. Then I called HIM one night. He had been doing all the calling thus far but my instincts were strong and something wasn't right. I couldn't believe he told this girl all about me yet NOT want to introduce us??? He was very uncomfortable while he was on the phone with me and guess what??? He took the phone out of the room!! To this day he still denies ever leading her on by omitting the tiny detail of a gf and had her fly down anyway giving her false hopes of a relationship. That was our first month together. Starting out good so far, huh? LOL I'm not handling this very well at all. All the signs are there in PLAIN sight and I know in my heart there is much more that he isn't telling me. As long as I know deep in my heart there is more to this then meets the eye I can never trust him again. I keep asking myself why?? Why would he take a chance on losing a good thing we had together by doing this? His only answer is, "I don't know". That answer is just not good enough for me! I just need to find the courage to let him go. I've been sitting here night after night with all these thoughts going through my head. I feel horrible. I feel ugly,unattractive and undesirable. Which I am none of these. I truly believe he was looking for someone else but refuses to admit it. I've given him every opportunity to come clean but he insists there was nothing to it. BTW....I'm not working now as I've been laid off so money is tight. Yet he spends $65 on roses for a stranger and $30 on a co-worker and wants me to believe it was nothing?? That's a sign of someone trying to impress a girl on how wonderful and thoughtful a guy he is. I love him with all my heart but the things he's done are just too hurtful. Maybe if it was one time...one mistake...we could try to build a new relationship. We can never go back but I was hoping with therapy we could move ahead and build something even better. I know now there has been too much damage to ever make this work. Every day is up and down. I'll try to keep my posts a little shorter from now on.

Advice please? My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I've always known him to be a thoughtful, considerate person. Someone I could trust my heart with and do his best not to hurt me. Recently I found out he's done just that and I feel hurt, betrayed, sick & devastated. All along I thought we had a strong relationship and now it appears he was just stringing me along keeping his options open in case I wasn't, "the one". Our sex life was fantastic as well. I've tried not to pressure him into marraige as I've been married before and respect his wish to wait until the "time is right". I would think 5 years was enough time to show him the type of person I am and for him to know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me though! I have teenage children up north I visit often. This last visit right before I was getting ready to leave we had a message on our answering machine from a woman inviting my bf over for dinner. He said he knew nothing about it and didn't know how a customer (which she was) got ahold of his last name and number. When she called a second time I picked up. After a brief discussion telling her NOT to call my house again I put my bf on the line to tell her he had a gf. He picked up the phone and walked IN THE OTHER ROOM! (whew.....this IS winded) Please be patient...... I left for my vacation but when I arrived back home I was still suspicious of that call. Something just didn't seem right. I searched his work van and came accross a receipt for a dozen long stemmed RED roses costing $65.00 to this very same customer. "Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you" When confronted he denied any relationship and said he had only been to her house 3 times for service calls and felt sorry for her since she just broke up with her husband. He wanted to make her feel good. I guess my feelings didn't matter. The next day I found another receipt in his van...for a female co-worker for a dozen yellow roses he had sent to her on V-day! He ordered them the day before to be delivered at their WORK for everyone to see. My flowers and bear he bought the very day OF V-day. This co-worker is also the very one who told him since meeting me he's changed...and NOT for the better. He said she had JUST broken up with her husband as well and was only a friend. The card said "to a very special friend". This friendship he had I was totally in the dark about. Then I searched his van again.....found a Hustler mag , an unopened scented condom (which he tried to say he bought for US) tons of porns sites bookmarked on his computer and even a site called "Meet me @am I hot or not" which he visited 7 times with the city and state typed in already. He said some sites he visits automatically throw them in your bookmarks and he's never been there! This behavior is so totally out of character for the guy I thought I knew and loved. I feel it's disrespectful towards me. He said he didn't tell me because he knew I'd leave him. And yet he did it anyway. Anything I found out I had to find out on my own. We are now in couples counseling and I am getting nothing out of the sessions. (6 so far) She seems to want to downplay his actions and has even suggested that I may have trust issues! Yeah I agree....when I find out 6 months later my boyfriend is buying gifts for other women! Or when someone screws me over constantly and I have to search for clues because he can't be honest and upfront with me....damn straight I have some trust issues lady! She says he is very naive and honestly believes he didn't want any type of relationship with these women and just really felt sorry for them! What a crock! We bought a house together 2 years ago and he has YET to put my name on it. During the sessions I made it clear that in order for us to grow and try to work things out.... he has to show a commitment to me. He asked what could he do. Well, marraige was out at this point so I said by putting my name on the title of the house. He promised he would have it done in 1 week. Its been 2 1/2 months and he has yet to do anything he said he would do to make things work. BTW.....when I confronted the first girl and asked if anything was going on. and what they talked about she said he told her he didn't feel comfortable putting my name on HIS house and that we've only been together 2 years and he's kicked me out several times. This is news to me since we've been together for 5 years and have NEVER once broken up! She also knew I had 2 children up north. He denies any of this. Doesn't have a CLUE how she could have found any of that out. The one sore spot we argue about periodically is putting my name on this house. No one else knows about it yet he continues to deny he said any of those things to her. I'm tired of the lies. I can't trust anything he says anymore and I've asked him to break off ALL contact with those people he was tempted by in the first place. My gut tells me he is still lying and hasn't done any of the things we need to move forward and try to rebuild trust. Some input PLEASE!!! Am I making the right choice to leave him to explore his "other" options and take time to see if the trust I had in him can ever be restored? I know he loves me but his actions speak so much louder then his words. The hardest thing to swallow is the fact that he could lie so easily to me and sneak behind my back with his "secret friendships" He wears one mask for home and another for work it appears. How could I have been with a man for 5 years and not have the slightest hint what he's been doing during work???? Please forgive me for making this so long. I just really needed to vent . After writing this I've pretty much made up my mind as to what I'll do. In my eyes you can't have a worthwhile relationship where there is no trust. I just can't seem to let this go and move on. If it was as platonic as he would have me believe....why hide it from me? Hidden friendships and acting inappropriately is unaccpetable behavior. Thanks for reading this