johnnystern

Well I dont have a reconciliation story. But I really want a reconciliation. I figured it would be okay to post here to be noticed and also because some of the success stories in this thread have some commonalities with my situation... Several months ago, I was dating this girl. I really started falling for her. I've dated plenty of girls and felt no real connection with many of them. She was different and there something intangible about her. (Which is why I hate when people say "move on move on move on." Thankfully, I feel I'm on a forum where I won't hear much of that because I think a lot of people here are like-minded people.) Over the course of months, me and her became close with eachother. She acknowledged our closeness on a couple different occasions. (So I knew at the time, the feeling was mutual.) We were never official. Our relationship with eachother went in tailspin and she essentially dumped me. I know of her past boyfriends and know that they were real alpha-type guys and looking back, I see I was just being too weak, needy, and not masculine enough. It's not me wanting to change who I am to appease her, I just realize now that I acted too weak and not masculine enough. Which I've since learned is a recipe for failure when dating (most) women. There's a reason she likes masculine, confident, alpha guys. So she blew me off basically. I was acting too weak, jealous, and needy at that particular time (I believe so.) I wasn't acting like a guy who was in-demand with other women. I let my neediness and scarcity hone in on her and she knew it. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger. When I acted weak and needy through text yet again, I my anxiety-stricken behavior at that moment caused me to be forceful with her because I wanted to get together with her and talk about it. But I said it in a demanding, forceful way. And she said "Yes we're close but don't say ______, that will just push me away more if anything." I've since learned about how my needy behavior turned her off and I decided to leave her alone until when/if she reaches out to me again. (Which then she will get to see the NEW me.) I left her alone, and it's now been 4-5 months of No Contact between us. I know, it doesn't feel encouraging to me at the moment. She's still kept me as a friend on Facebook/Instagram, if that means anything. I know when guys in her life would screw her over in the past, she would delete them from her life, including social media. I've done nothing to screw her over, so she hasn't deleted me. Again, not sure if it's a positive sign or if I'm just grasping at straws. Her birthday was in September and it was a tough decision for me to reach out to her and say happy birthday as a way to reopen the lines of communication, or to let her be (because she's ultimately the one who walked away from me.) I decided to save my dignity and not reach out on her birthday. Now, my birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if she's going to send me a happy birthday text or say happy birthday to me on Facebook. She can be stubborn so I'm wondering if she has wanted to reach out to me, but never had it in her to do so. Obviously, my birthday would be a perfect excuse for her to reach out to me. I want to see her again so bad (and obviously modify my behavior this time) and I know it's risky, but I'm really hoping to hear from her on my birthday. Obviously the risk is high considering we haven't talked in months, I didn't reach out to her on her birthday, etc. I know I should carry on with my life in the mean-time and if she comes back, then great. But I can't stop these flood of thoughts I have of her everyday. And deep down I refuse to give up hope. If she doesn't reach out on my birthday it's going to make me feel more hopeless, not gonna lie. Those are my honest feelings. I watch youtube videos and read threads like this to give me hope that she'll come back.. Thoughts?