Hello
I have never posted anything online, so bear with my strange style. Well, I did read a ton of the postings about how guys need help meeting guys, and how they're afraid of being "found out," and I really don't want to sound redundant, but I have a very similar problem. You see, I go to a small, private high school, and rumor can travel around fast. I am a senior in a class of less than 70 students (the entire school body is about 350 people), and I am trying to hook up with a guy. Coming out to people is not an option; my family would kick me out, my "friends" would reject me, etc. (The term "friends" is in quotes because they too reject gays). The main problem is that it's a catholic school, thereforeeee being gay is evil. I have gone to catholic schools since 2nd grade, and i throughly understand all the theology and teachings about the gay community. Apparently I'm going to hell.
I lied, there is one friend who knows, and accepts, my homosexuality. I came out to her a few months ago because she and I have been really good friends for a long time. She really understands how much it means to me that my sexual preference remains secret. When she found out, she was downright shocked. She said I was the last person she'd suspect. To be honest, I don't have to "try" to act straight either. Naturally I am a masculine kind of guy. I like going paintballing, I love camping, I am, essentially, the same type of guy as my heterosexual counterparts.
Herein lies the problem. I know two guys; both of which really seem gay to me. Keep in mind that absolutely NOBODY at my school would ever be open about their homosexuality because the torture they would receive. (It's sad if you think about it, but true; catholic schools [which should be teaching the principles of compassion and forgiveness] leave homosexuals behind to be discriminated and (in some instances) beaten. The faculty does nothing to prevent or stop this. Back to the topic... Lets call the first guy "Kevin." Kevin is a really hot guy, he is a wrestler and a football player. Sometimes when I go to the bathrooms at school, I see him at the urinal, and he likes to look over and see what I have. He even goes as far as to stare at me in the eyes when I'm peeing. I just love it when he looks into my eyes, both of us doing manly things. It's not only his looks either, he is a really cool guy. He plays the guitar, listens to my type of music, he's really friendly, and he is really cool to be around. The other suspect homosexual, lets call him "Nick" is also hot. He plays basketball and, I think, acts even more gay. Sometimes we play cards, and he lets me win on purpose. He'll stare at me more than necessary; even more than Kevin. For example, lets say we were playing poker, and he looks at my facial expressions to see if I'm bluffing, he'll stare into my eyes for a good 30 seconds. When things like this happen, I just melt down and stare into his beautiful green eyes.
While reading other posts, I thought of how cool it would be to be able to wrestle Kevin or Nick; just messing around. Then there was someone who actually sleeps over at his friends house; I could only imagine how nice that would be. But, as things go, I have yet to experience these things.
Basically, given my situation, I want to know how I am to go about trying to hook up with somebody. I really want a boyfriend (the secret type), and I want to know how I can do it without people knowing I'm gay.
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