momon

I’m surprised to know how many people are actually having similar experiences and this comforts me to think it was no one’s fault. My ex and I were good friends for years, and one day, we decided to be honest for our feelings. As we knew each other well already, we gave commitment into the relationship from the beginning and it was the happiest experience I ever had. His father was ill and I spent his last winter with all his family. In my eyes at least, his last was filling, he had loving Christmas with everyone cares for him. He passed away after the Christmas and I attended to the funeral. Still our relationship was ok. For first one month, my ex was telling me how things and his feeling go every day. He gave me flowers for Valentine’s, I sometimes wrote a letter or gave chocolates as he was not eating well. But he was extremely stressed. Later he started to stop contact sometimes. I was upset and wanted to know how he was. I should have let him be but I couldn’t and asked if he was ok, he only said sorry. He stopped wanting to see me, he said he wanted to shut everyone out and be alone. So I left him for a month, meanwhile still he sent me a very loving letter, talking about our happy future, so I wrote a happy and relaxed reply. He started talking to me every day again, but then I heard less and less after a while... I was very confused and stressed. I should have not taken it personally, wish if I knew that was normal for the person in grief can’t keep stable contact or moods but I was really upset. One day, he wrote me a nice email, about our future. At the same day, he called me and said he thinks we better to break up. I could not understand what he said. He said he didn’t have the same feeling as before anymore. He mentioned that he was losing feelings against his friends too. So I thought he was only confused and suggested talking in person. We decided to go for a week trip, to see how he may feel if relaxed. It was the happiest trip but by the end of it, he said the same that he tried to gain but could not feel the same way as a year ago. He cried to say bye. After the trip, he sent me a letter said he is happy that we have met. All such his attitudes confused me but later I started to know I had to admit that anyway we have broken up. I blamed myself so much, about everything. Which my action or words eased his feeling, if I did something too much or not enough. What my personality he doesn’t like, when he started losing feeling and why I didn’t realise etc... I cannot stop regretting if I have done something differently. But after reading all these posts, I felt little comforted. I read even the exactly same words I heard. He repeatedly said “This is not ok how I am treating you”, “You deserve better”, “Sorry I pushed you away”, "you haven't done anything wrong". Some of you did how I wish I have done and some opposite and still the same happening. I have no idea if there is anyone has survived incident like this or if we are only alone eventually. I am suffering to accept what has happened. I cannot believe yet his feeling has changed. Cannot resist thinking one day his life will be filled with happy moments and he will start to think of me again though I know I better to move on. When I feel better, I still wish to support him as a friend, as how we were used to, wish him to be happy anyway, wish one day he’ll find the way to think of memories with his father in peaceful mind. I know everyone here suffers for unreasonable breaking up. I wish all of us to be happy and this experience still gives us something for the life.