GeminiGirl

Hey, thanks for all your replies. I still havent decided what i'm doing yet. For those of you that have been crapped on in life by your partner, i know that it seems very wrong and you have every right to be angry etc... but stop to think about how the person thats doing this is feeling. I'll tell you.... i am digusted with myself, how could this have happened to me. I hate myself right now for what i'm doing to my husband but i cannot help how i feel about this guy. I have known him for nearly a year and a half, i chatted with him at least 4 times a week, its not like i dont know him and i've even met him now, i know it was only for 2 weeks but.... I did not plan for this to happen at all, it just did. Something just suddenly clicked between us and its more than just lust, desire... i trust my feelings on this one. But it still doesnt change what i'm doing to my husband, i cannot even look in the mirror at myself anymore because of the guilt. I never said my husband did anything to deserve this, he hasnt and thats what makes it so hard! I wish he had done something, then at least i would have reason for not wanting him anymore. Unless you've done something like this then you have no idea what the hell it is like. I just want to be a little girl again where i dont have to deal with the crap that life chucks at you all the time. Thank you for your replys.

OMG this has got so complicated i dont know what i'm doing anymore. I will explain my situation, please bear with me as its a long story...... I am a 31 year old married woman. I met my husband when i was 16 and we've been together now for 15 years and married for nearly 3. We do not have any children. These last couple of years i've been getting unhappy about us and just life in general, but i just put up with it and got on with things. A couple of years ago my husband starting to play a specific online game, through that he met some friends, one in particular he got very friendly with, he talked to him on MSN and chatted in real time on something called Team Speak, this requires a HeadSet and its just like chatting to someone on the phone only better because you do not get any time delay. Anyway.. i installed this game on my own PC and started to play it also, i met my own set of friends online and started chatting on MSN also. This particular guy my husband got friendly with decided to add me to his MSN and we started chatting regular, i considered him a really good friend. My husbands friend decided to invite us over the the States to stay with him for a 2 week holiday, which we've just come back from. When i first met him i didnt think anything other than he's just a friend, but then a couple of days later i just happened to glance at him and suddenly WHAM it was like a lightning bolt hit me, i couldnt take my eyes off him the whole holiday and the same with him, just to be near him i shook from head to toe. I've never felt like this with any other man before. When we got home i stupidly emailed our friend and told him how i felt. Why i did this i dont know? Several days later when i was at work he messaged me and confessed his feelings to. We then started this MSN affair (if thats what it is) behind my husbands back, this guy wanted me to leave jason and go stay with him in the States. A week later my husband found out about this, i told him i didnt love him anymore and that i was planning to leave him for our friend. My husband is devistated that i could do something like this and he thought we were happy and told me how much he loves me and how how we can work through this.. blah blah blah.... Somehow my husband talked me out of it and told me never to have any contact with this guy again!! 3 days later i messaged this guy to see if he was alright and somehow its started up again! its now been a week, i talk to him every single morning on MSN and we email each other all day long. My husband has no idea its started again. This guy is now getting very serious and is pressuring me go out there and live with him. I do not love my husband anymore, only as a friend. I cannot stand him to come near me, it makes me feel physically sick. I find myself avoiding him at all times. He's trying so hard to make me happy and trying to start to make us work again. I dont know what i'm doing anymore, i feel like i'm being pulled in a million directions with no clue where i'm going. My husband wants us to emigrate to Canada and start a family. Everytime i try to invision my life with him i just see blank, nothingness. 3/4 of me wants to start a new life in america with this guy and a 1/4 of me wants to stay with my husband. I am terrified of being alone and of life without my husband because he's all i've ever known since i was 16. A new life also excites me because i feel i've missed out on so much. I cannot see myself ever loving my husband in that way again! I also dont think i can stand the pain of hurting my husband, and i know i will. I cannot deal with any of this anymore and i'm going insane. I need someone to just take all of this away from me, i find myself wishing my husband wasnt around so i could be free to just up and go. This is on my mind 24/7 right now, i cant eat, sleep, all i do is drink tea and smoke cigarettes and contemplate what the hell i'm gonna do. Please no one hate me for doing this? I need so much help and advice right now, but i know in the end the only one that can decide is me!